


Let Me

by RayZircon



Category: GOT7, Monsta X
Genre: Hate to Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Markjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 19:24:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 73,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15691833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayZircon/pseuds/RayZircon
Summary: I signed up for Matchmaker site for money, thinking my partner would be some senior wealthy lady. But coincidence did exist, I ended up in a devil's hands, Mark Tuan. This is more dangerous than I thought. The price is high. It might cost me my honor, my body...or even my life.





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer :: Character's images are inspired by GOT7 but it don't have anything related to their real life. This is a work of a fan and meant no harm for them.   
> Note :: Hi, this is Ray. I got the permission from a very kind 'Let Me' writer, Kinc, to translate this exceptional MarkJin fiction, originally written in Thai, into English. So please give her an applaud for her excellent work.   
> I myself am a Thai native that speaks English as my second language and also an amateur translator, so my writing may not be that good. But I'll try my best. Enjoy reading. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Jinyoung's POV]

I hear myself sighed heavily as my hands pressed the code on the cash machine, withdrawing every Won I can. 

Whatever, as long as I'm still alive, I will earn it back anyway. 

After shoving the card back into my pocket, I pick up my cloth-filled bag and catch a train heading out of the city. 

What will Mom and Dad have in mind? I guess they'll probably feel disappointed that I, their only son, have so little to offer.  
Even with every Won in my account, it's still barely enough to pay for Dad's medical expenses. 

Pathetic. 

Views change along the way and I keep staring blankly at them, wandering deep in my own thoughts.

These past years, I would accept any job offer, from garbage man to waiter.  
It doesn't matter if it's a noble profession or a solid career.  
Just anything that gave me enough for our debts, Dad's treatment and my sister's study. 

Vague views outside the thin glass feel like my own life. 

Unimportant. 

All my life, it had been like a blank canvas. Nothing's worth to be kept so the white spaces were left empty and colorless. 

We can't afford my university fee so as soon as I finished high school, I started working. I got hired into several jobs that don't need specific skills.  
Those jobs such as being a waiter or cashier are easy. You just need to put up a smile and give a pleasant service. The only bad thing is you got stuck in the same restaurant from morning until late night everyday. I also have to work overtime to earn enough for us all. 

If you ask me how do I choose my workplace, it's easy.  
I chose the one that has specific uniforms so that I don't have to spend more on clothes.  
Bad thing is I can't tell what style of clothes do I like.  
Nor my favourite colour.  
I supposed those hard years had drained me both outside and inside. I don't even know what is my dream anymore.  
...  
Dream?  
There is no such thing.  
Work. Money. That's all my life is about.  
...

My parents are too old to get hired. Fortunately, my younger sister is great at studying so she always got scholarships at school.  
The only fee we have to pay is for the tuition which I took that responsibility to support her.  
I really wish my lovely sister can enroll in good university and get her degrees so that she live comfortably without struggling like I do now. 

 

Hours pass until station staff woke me up. It's terminal station and I have to catch a minibus into my town.  
There's one positive thing about living in such remote area, you don't spend much. Only small amount of money is enough to afford your living.  
It is possible for me to work for peanuts in the city and still afford enough for us all.

I get off at hospital, visit dad and quickly pay the expenses.  
Almost all of my cash is spent. Luckily so little that remains is enough for train ticket. 

After that, mom take me home. We don't have much to talk except "how are you?" and "I'm ok."  
Then something catches my attention. There's dim light from the opposite house which I remember it belonged to Shownu hyung's who went abroad several years ago. 

So who does that familiar shadow through the window belong to?

"It's your Shownu hyung. Can you remember him?"  
I turn my glance back at my mother, answer in curiosity.  
"He's back?"  
"He is. Said he came for vacation. Also brought back an American wife, old, but seems to be rich. See, they also renovate the house."  
...  
I didn't notice the additional rooms and newly organized garden. It definitely has been added not so long ago. New remodeling make it unfamiliar in the eyes but the house still radiated familiar warmth, after all it's one of very few good memories in my life. 

"Visit him. He was asking about you." Mom suggests before she open the door into our own house. I put my bag down and make my way back outside. 

Shownu hyung stay in the opposite house. We have been like brothers since young ages, let's say we grew up together. 

"Shownu hyung" I call as I knock on the door. My ears hear rapid footsteps radiating at the back of the door before it is flung open. 

He still looks exactly the same as in my memory.

Actually, a little bit more handsome and taller.  
I throw my arms around him and he returns with a tight hug. For a second, it's like I'm back to being little kid again. 

"Why haven't you grown any taller than I remembered?" is the first sentence he greeted me with.  
Like how our relationship doesn't change, he still maintained his poker face. The Shownu hyung that I know also rarely smiled. 

"This is all I can grow." I chuckle. Even if we didn't meet for years, I'm sure we're still considered close siblings.  
"Where have you been? I heard you're married to an American wife."

"First, come in and let's have dinner. She's cooking. I'll pack some for your mom."  
He doesn't respond to my question, instead he steps backwards, making enough space for me to slip in. The creamy smell of Western food floats in the air. 

Just a few minutes before she comes out and Shownu hyung introduces us to each other. My doubts continuously raise as we continue our conversations. I speaks fluent English all thanks to my part-time jobs in Starbucks. His wife is really a senior. She's 50 years old now while Shownu hyung is only 26. 

However, they seem like a happy couple. She's polite and gentle enough for me to respect her as I should be for people around her age.

After the dinner, she politely excuses herself for rest. Leaving we both at the living room, I sit on the floor while the hyung is on sofa playfully kicking me on my shoulders.

"You haven't answered my question." I approach him with full curiosity.  
"Erm...have you heard of the Matchmaker services?" He answers with his poker face. 

Match...what?

I suddenly got up on my feet and shoot him back a wided-eye full of disbelief.  
What is the reason for a guy like him, who has different girls falling head over heels for, to ever go on that kind of service. AND also got a partner that has so much age gap. 

"Heard of it but never really came across one." My answer makes him laughed lightly. 

"I've seen many Asian girls signed up for matching with some rich guys. It's also the same for me. Filled the profile. Sent your own picture. They'll get through these submission and select the one they'd like to 'try'. Then whoever selects you will pay for your plane ticket. You'll be 'trying' to live with them for 6 weeks and if you're lucky, you'll like each other and marriage is the next thing to come. 

Actually, there's a chance you'll get a psycho or sadist. In that case you might end up being abused. But I'm a man, women customers are mainly above 40s. They're satisfied with gentle, simple sex once or twice a week."

I suddenly feels my face flushing since I've never had any explicit experience. My days passed with work, and work, and work. Of course, I would lack these kind of experience. 

"Why did you choose to do this?" I decide to ask him directly. 

"I was unemployed. My parents also passed away at that time. I don't know what to do. And I don't want to sell this house. Without my parents paying for the mortgage, I'll have to pay it myself.  
I have nothing to lose. It's the fastest way to earn some money so I signed up for it. 

But I'm lucky, she is the first one I was matched to and she likes...she truly loves me. She gave me everything I needed and I still live a very normal adult life. Helping her in her own business and if she pass away, supposedly the business will become mine. In that case, I might stay at LA, settled, never coming back to Korea anymore."

My heart sink a bit when I hear the last sentence. He's my few friends. 

"I will be missing you so much." I say. 

"I'll come back here once in awhile though. I suggest, if you don't have a girlfriend and haven't got a good job, you might want to give it a try. It's not so hard when you're a man. Women are weak to sweet words and services. They don't need much persuasion to fall in love. And when they fell, they don't recover that easily."  
Shownu hyung states with a light chuckle escaped from his lips. 

"Do you love her?"  
"She's more like my savior, like a boss in business. Sex is also a business." He answers truthfully and I nod in reply. 

"Don't you feel lonely?"  
"I do." His voice fills with a faint feeling of loneliness. I sit back besides him and give him a hug, one full of understanding the feeling of being alone in the world. 

He sits still. Relax. But doesn't return the hug. 

"If I'm in need of money, I'll find some elderly to marry and move into your opposite house in LA." Of course, it's a joke. But he laughs brightly back nonetheless. 

I spend some more time with him chatting about things. When I finally get back home, it's late at night. I go upstairs to the shared room with my sister. Actually, it's more like her own room, except there's another extra bed, since I didn't come back so often. 

The door is locked. 

"Jimin." I call quietly so I don't wake Mom up. The lights are still on so I'm pretty sure my little sister aren't sleeping. 

"When did you come back?" She smile at me but her eyes and face are red. 

...Was she crying?

"Came back in the evening. I visited Shownu hyung."

She nod and turn back to swipe a letter into a metal box and immediately put them away. 

I decide I won't be the one who start asking but Jimin also doesn't open her mouth. So when she is asleep, I push off my blankets and pull the metal box out. 

Seeing the papers inside pains my heart. It's not a deadly thing or any bad news that are hidden. 

Not that bad. But still, it makes my heart ache badly. 

They're scholarships qualification results, both national and international. These kind of scholarships offer financial aids for those who are qualified but only give a full scholarship to the person who got first place.  
It's a competition with the best students from every corner of the world. Jimin couldn't even afford a proper tuition. What I can earn is not enough for full course extra studying. Truthfully, she doesn't have a chance to win over people who has so much better opportunity. 

I bite on my own lips as I go through these piles of letters. Jimin joined the test for a few years and this is the last year she is qualified to attend before her age is exceeded. Every year her ranking would continuously rise but seems like first place are out of reach. Her most recent ranking, her best one, requires additional 5,500,000 Won.  
She only needs to send a notice back to confirm, sends them documents and resume and they'll be responsible for her traveling documents and other things. 

The additional fee will be collected next year, just before she's going to study. It's 5 months until that time comes.  
The problem is, I already spent my last budget on dad's medical expenses.  
5 months. Even I work 24/7 without spending a cent, it won't be enough.

...  
...

"Oppa.."  
"I'm sorry I took a look without asking. Jimin-ah.."  
She nods back at me. Her eyes' getting teary. 

"It's fine. I'll enroll in the university around this area. Not much difference. Never mind." That's all she could say. 

I sigh, instinctively pull her closer into an assuring hug. Jimin is smart and hardworking. If she ever get a chance to study aboard, it would ensure her bright future. 

I wonder how I would feel after all that effort to give her the best education. But then she'd end up running around finding part-time jobs like me, has to spend 24/7 struggling in the endless loop of working and having a rest. 

She deserves so much more. 

"If you go abroad alone, are you sure you can take care of yourself?"  
"I won't get the chance. It's fine, oppa. Forget it." She snatches the metal box from my hands, quickly stuffs it back in its place and pulls up the blanket, drifting back to sleep. 

My mind keeps wandering until my eyes stare out of the window and see the newly renovated house.  
...

 

..

Then suddenly, something comes up to me.  
Shownu hyung.  
..

Not that I'm going to borrow his money or something like that.  
I just got an idea about his Matchmaker's American wife.

If I can get a woman to fall for me in 6 weeks, a comfortable life will lie ahead of us all. I suppose I'll earn enough money to pay the additional scholarship fee. 

Or I might even be able to fully support her studying. 

..  
I am a man anyway. Nothing to lose.  
My jobs right now are literally the description of working for peanuts.  
..

If I am lucky, like Shownu hyung was, not just myself but all of my family will live comfortably for the rest of our life.  
..

..

No more second thoughts.  
My hands run quickly on keyboard, searching for the Matchmaker sites.  
There is an online application form. I just need to fill it up. 

Website's homepage is filled with lovely couple photos, mostly Asian-American. All of them are smiling happily. Almost all are in their 40s-50s and yes, they seem rich enough to afford the Matchmaker's service. The only flaw is they are old and half are bald or big-sized. It's not too big of a surprise that they would need this kind of service. 

I take a deep breath. Hearty amount of cold air fills my lungs. 

C'mon Jinyoung, let's give it a try. There's nothing to lose. 

 

[Mark's POV]

"I don't match with this one. Find me a new girl."

I'm here in Matchmaker's service office. The staff, a young Asian girl, Jane, professionally smiles back. I bet she is fuming inside. Of course she must be, this is the fifth time I'm changing my 'Match'. 

I'm having fun. These women offered themselves to me. They're nothing different from prostitutes.  
Just pay some small amount of money and there will be endless women for your choice.  
I can buy and trade until I'm satisfied.

Sobbing sound echoed besides me. An Asian girl I brought with is crying silently, her face reflects absolute fear and panic.  
Maybe the time with me seems to be her worst nightmare but I don't think what I did is anything close to that. 

I haven't even started. 

Isn't sex a natural thing in this business?

Maybe, just maybe, I was too rough. But I don't think so. 

 

"I'm sorry to inform Mr.Mark that we're out for your specific options. If there is any new submission that meets your criteria, we'll contact you again."  
"Please don't forget our contract clearly stated 'until customers are satisfied'."  
"We always respect our policy, even if sometimes it would be used for cheating." She replied. 

That cheating words are meant for me, huh? 

It's amusing. 

The door next to our box creaks open to reveal an old man holding a fine lady by her waist, one of many that I've already gotten my hands on. 

One of many that was shaking, crying and begging naked under my body. 

The agency works well in their area, getting those woman polished like a new virgin girl and selling them out again.  
She notices my gaze and her face suddenly went pale, her whole body's shuddering in fear.  
Do she think I would envy her? Curse her? Or look down on her?

No way. I won't feel anything towards a useless waste like that. It's a waste of my time. 

"Go home and have a rest." Now this sentence is Jane's reassuring sound towards the girl besides me.  
She stands up and quickly shuffles out, practically disappears within seconds.  
I can't control my smirk, satisfied with their pain. 

Monitor in front of me beeps a notification. Recent photos of new submissions pop up on the screen.

There is one that attracts my eyes.  
Fine skin, perfect face features, full lips, bright smile and pure black glistening eyes. 

My gaze is fixed at the screen, completely unable to tear my eyes off the alluring beauty. 

"I want this one." Escaped my lips without any second thoughts. 

"Park Jinyoung, South Korea." Jane read the profile out loud and clear. Name, original country and photo are the only thing showed on screen for Match selection.  
My preference clearly stated 'Asian' as a specific requirement. 

I've got some personal reasons. 

"Mr.Mark, I don't think this one would match your taste..."  
"Match or not, isn't it my decision after the next 6 weeks?"  
In my decisive tone, I calmly said back. I know what Jane is doing, keeping this new beauty's pure virginity for others with higher bids, before I wrecked her. 

They're all the same, filthy women asking for it. I'll be the one who respond to that demand.  
None of real virgin, pure, good girl would ever seek this kind of service. 

The screen is showing the picture of innocent smile that I could not take my eyes off.  
...

"If you insist,...I'll register your booking. But...I have a special condition this time.  
There are some Matches that you turned down after only a few weeks. So it had been difficult on our agency to find a qualified Match for you.  
For this one, I would have to ask you to be with your Match for complete 6 weeks."

"I'm afraid I won't have to be the one come begging to return her. I bet a week and she would come running back to you."  
"Even if the Match is begging, we would accept her back when it's due date only.  
Are you sure you want to confirm your booking for Park Jinyoung, Mr.Mark?"  
...

"Yes."  
"I'll notify your Match. Here's the contract. Please deposit ticket fees in the same account as always. It's Matchmaker's pleasure to be at your service."

"How fast can she get here? I'm not very used to being alone. You know what will happen if I'm on my own for a long time. I don't want to be too 'rough'."  
"Please be patient. New submissions need proper travel documents or are you interested in any other Match over this one?"

I already went through Match's submission list. No any other girl can attract my attention. They're plain and boring like those past ones.

"No, thank you. Having this one pinned down helplessly on my bed would be much better than others." Deep voice say those words without shame about what I did to all the past Matches. 

Jane shoots back a cheeky grin. She would have think I like this one and might end up marrying her. I have to control myself not to laugh out loud. Jane's wrong, there's no way I would be satisfied with any of them. 

Sex. That's all they're worth living for. 

 

On my way home, I fall into my thoughts.  
These girls' first impression would be like 'he's rich and good-looking and wants to marry me, oh I'm the luckiest lady in the world.' And they'll soon find out my true self and the true purpose I pay for Matchmaker service, not to find 'the right one' for a beautiful happy-ending marriage. 

Who the hell would be crazy enough to believe this kind of service would give you a perfect partner?  
No sane person would sign up for this kind of service. This is nothing different from prostitution. Signing a contract for money, trying to live with strangers in hope that it will gradually turn into love.

How funny. 

...  
All I'm doing is for revenge. 

My own biological parents met through this kind of Matchmaker service. Mother was a pretty Asian girl who Dad thought was his soulmate. According to what he said, she's nice and very loving, so nice that he can't help but fell deeply in love with. He then made a proposal and they married. 

I was born in a warm, loving family. That's what Dad believed. 

Until it happened. 

First of all, Dad was a businessman and his work required occasional traveling, he wasn't home much.  
Another fact is Dad was very rich. He's a wealthy, successful household leader. So, he himself didn't have enough time for Mother, he hired maids and butlers to take care of us. 

He told me the story when I was about 7 or 8, when I repeatedly asked him why don't I have Mommy like other kids. 

Mother asked Dad's permission to fly back to South Korea. That she'd like to show her child to her family, to visit her friends and relatives.  
She asked for travel budgets instead of asking him to come along. Dad did try to go with her but she refused and insisted on going with just me. 

She then went back to her home just as planned. 

And never came back. 

What worse is, she took everything she can. 

Clothes.  
Money.  
Jewelry.  
Every luxury items she could grab. 

The only thing she left here, the last trace of her for Dad, is me. 

This is my past, my rough childhood.  
My hatred towards Mother drives me to be a customer of Matchmaker service.

Hatred will be sated by revenge. 

At first, it's so fake that I almost puked. Sweet words are all lies. Service is an exchange for money. 

My first and second Match weren't treated so bad. Out of curiosity, I did tried to approach them like normal person would do.

But they're too fake. Trying to lure me in their trap, like I would fall in love and marry them. 

So, several next Matches were treated like what they really deserved, like shameless liars, dirty prostitutes.  
I don't even know their names before pushing them onto bed. Forced sex, harsh words were all they got. 

And when they were too annoying, I took them back to the agency, turned them down and chose a new one. 

...

How many men has Mother been matched with until she met Dad?  
How many guys had their ways with her before he did?  
Am I her only child?

...

I arrive at my own luxurious home, alone. 

What I see is messy furniture, filthy clothes scattered on the floor. Last night's mess caused by that one annoying woman. 

I'm not being cruel.  
It's a fair-fair situation. I suffered all my life, now that I'm not anymore, they deserved this cruelty. It's my revenge. 

Whenever their painful fear are shown on those pretty faces, I feel satisfied. Deep inside my heart, my hatred is sated. And sex do make me feel relax enough to assume that's a happy moment.

Thinking about it, I can't wait for my next Match. 

I would act like a completely normal, typical, nice guy at first until my devil is released from its cage.  
She'll try to be nice to me, saying sweet words, faking heartless services even on bed.  
Until the torture became unbearable, both for my disgust or for them, it always ends up the same way. 

I'm not too fond of waiting.  
Maybe I'll get the next Match at airport, dragged her inside my expensive car and give her 'proper lessons' in that narrow space.

Comply or deny.  
She can do as she likes. It doesn't really matter as things would have to go just as I planned. 

Fearful 6 weeks.  
Agonizing 6 weeks.  
Painful 6 weeks. 

This will be an unforgettable experience for her.  
She would become the target for my agonizing pain, my utmost rage. 

I'll make sure her 6 weeks matching trial would nothing but a nightmare. 

To repent for Matchmaker's sin of giving me an unfaithful, heartless mother.


	2. First meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Mark's POV]

 

My patience is being tested.  
My wait lasts not just a few days but a whole week because this girl just submitted her profile and immediately got chosen. The agency didn't have any time to prepare her traveling documents beforehand.  
That's the reason for my long wait. 

For this whole week, I didn't have a chance to get any pleasure from my usual night activity. It does give me an edgy feeling since I'm used to daily sex for months.  
There's a good thing about it, when she finally arrives, my frustration would be uncontrollably transferred on her, plus some more special treats in exchange for my patience. 

Jane called last night , giving me flight number that my Match is on and the arrival time.  
So here I am at the airport, already parked my car, waiting. Jane takes on the responsibility to introduce us to each other.  
And also will left the merchandise to me. 

While patiently trying to kill the time, I get to look at some more photos of her. The pictures portray a light vanilla background. She's in what seems to be a café, smiling innocently. In some of them, those black orbs are staring straight as if she's trying to make eye contact with me right now, and severals looking away elsewhere. These photos are reflecting a pure, loving person, so pure to the point it can rarely be seen nowadays.  
However, it's just on the outside. She holds no difference to other girls, just an avaricious woman having sex with different men to earn money.  
I doubt she is so experienced that there's no more new customers back in South Korea, that's why she submitted on Matchmaker, willing to fly half way across the world in hope of finding new partners.  
Her innocent image must be like a protective barrier, others would go easy on her. So she can still hold up the look of virginity. 

But you cannot fool me. 

...  
These girls have some special abilities to feign innocent, as if they're inexperienced and still a virgin. The price would go up that way.  
But I won't let her erase the sins she chose on herself so easily, not this time, not from me. 

Flight arrival is called through the Airport's speakers. My eyes automatically scan the crowded travelers coming out along the way.  
There she is, in the middle of a small group of Asian people, very easy to spot since she stands out so much.  
A beauty, anyone would say that on the first glance.  
Perfect face features, milky skin, full lips. 

So captivating. 

Just the imaginary picture of her, moaning and crying in pleasure under my body, is enough to turn me on. 

 

Her eyes wander around, seems to be looking for a certain person until Jane waves her hand and she smiles back.  
Foreign languages chatting is radiating towards the group and Jane. I do nothing but keep quiet.  
One appropriate description for all these girls is..prostitutes. To me, at least. They're not worth my greeting words. 

The only thing I do, the only thing worthy, is staring straight at one person standing quietly among the crowd.  
As time passes, some of the Matches starts following their partners out from here.  
Her face's so unsure, no words' escaping from that full lips until Jane greets the only person left, speaking in Korean. She doesn't seem to notice me, not even recognize me as her own partner until Jane professionally gestures towards me. 

The same face I've seen through photos turns to face me. Those black orbs' staring straight through my eyes for a second then politely bow a formal greeting.  
Tearing off from eye contact, she turns back to ask Jane something and Jane answers with not words but a sounding laugh. Without properly responding to that question, Jane says goodbye and walks away, leaving her looking confused. 

Awkward silence fills up the area. We both have nothing to do but staring at each other. I decide to step off from the meeting point and lead the way to my car. Unintentionally strolling too fast that she can't keep up to me with all that luggages. 

From the second this face shows up in reality, the deep desire is starting to build inside me. 

"A...are you my partner's son?"

Breathless sound echoes from my back. That sweet voice will soon say have nothing to say but moaning.

It's just an imagination, but seems so intoxicating. 

 

I turn back. This is not my first time getting this kind of question. These Matches expect some elderly to adopt them for life and will soon find out I'm their partner.

At first, they'll think they're so lucky. I'm one young, fine man after all. 

I shake my head and get a frown as response. That brows start knotting, completely lost on the situation.  
As soon as I unlock the car, luggages are placed at the back instead of passenger's seats, that space is reserved for other purpose. 

The lock clicks after she is pushed on the passenger's seat, following by me hovering over the thin body. My hands automatically pinned her down by shoulders, pressing her into the leather seats. 

She panics and starts struggling, shaking her heads like she's willing to be some old geyser's belongings more than someone like me. I'm probably not what she's expected. 

"What happened? You're one lucky girl. I'm your partner. Am I not your taste?" I smirk while saying such harassing words. Her breath is the only sound echoing in the air. So shocked that words aren't forming.  
She continuously shakes her head, tears start filling up the alluring black orbs. 

"Or you're used to satisfying elderly. C'mon, don't shut off your chance. You'll like it." Whispered that in her ear and nipping that soft, warm earlobe. Intentionally teasing her some more.  
She startles and weakly tries to push me back. 

"Please stop!" These words are said in shaky voice. Actually, she's trembling from head to toes. 

That's the first difference I noticed. Mostly, my Match would start off nice and follow all my commands. Only until things' getting intensely rough, so rough that they'll refuse and start screaming.

The person under me at this moment starts resisting even when I haven't do anything. 

That's good. The more these people suffered, the better. 

I forcefully peel off her scarf, using it to tied both of her wrists up above her head. 

"Stop! Help!!!!! Help!!!!!!!" That screams is so annoying. With her hands completely tied up helpless, all she can do is screaming, squirming, trying to run away.  
So I also pull off my scarf, stuffing it in her mouth, shutting off all noisy screams. 

Muffling screams still escapes her mouth. That's very annoying for me.  
"Stay still or I'll also tied your legs up, and trust me, I won't be tying them 'together'." I snapped, hands lifting those legs by the ankle.  
But the person here doesn't seem to register my words, still refusing, still squirming to break free. 

Still resisting. 

No use, better spare your strength for what's coming up. 

My lips quirk up in a smile, eyes peering down on that full, pink lips.  
I don't usually kiss the Match but I do know how kissing can heat up the moment. 

So I lean in, shifting my own weight on her thighs so she'll have to stay still. That black orbs are showing surprise before they shut tightly. The perfect face tries to turn away but I grab it by the chin, forcing us face to face. 

"I won't kiss you. Just tasting." I said in deep voice, licking her lips. The person practically freezes.  
The sensation I get is better that I thought, soft skin is being nipped between my own lips.  
I waited a whole week and just so little foreplay makes me hard, throbbing.  
Working my way down to her warm neck, I inhale her scent. No fragrance has been used but it's very intoxicating. The desire to mark it urged up and I have no reason not to.  
Small red spots are being engraved on the milky white skin, so the world would know she's got an extremely hot owner. 

While working my way back to her lips, my hands undo my own zipper. There's no need to pull the pants down. This is enough for what's about to happen. 

She still shakes her head in resistance. Tears are falling down her cheeks. 

"Asking for it? Be patient, would you?" These words are meant to be an insulting. If she thinks feigning innocent or fear would make me stop, she's wrong. 

Ain't gonna happen. 

After unbuttoning her coat, I trace my hand up her back expecting to undone her bra but she don't seem to wear one.  
...  
Even to this point, she still fakes the fear. 

Ironic. 

The touches grow more and more intimate. I bites her clothed skin down the way, getting rougher with each scream she let out until they start to turn to helpless sobs.  
Milky white skin underneath must be red and pretty right now.

My hands roll up her shirt. Having to stop when I notice the body now half-naked, there is something wrong. Flat chest is presented instead of breasts.  
Even I don't want to, I have to stop, taking a clear look at that frightening face again.  
...  
A woman.  
It must be a girl. 

I hesitate a bit before pulling down 'her' jeans.  
And feel myself grunting. 

"Jane!!!!!"

 

I left 'him' in that exactly same position. The situation suddenly becomes awkward. The mood is all ruined. 

What the hell is happening?

I shut the door without even freeing him. Whoever passes by can have their own way if they want to.  
Who cares. 

I shuffle back into the airport, looking for Jane but she isn't anywhere. Her phone can't be reached no matter how many times I tried. 

So I retreat back to my car and without untying that person, not even glancing at him, I drive to the agency. I take the elevator all the way up to the office to see Jane, calmly sipping her cup of afternoon tea. 

"What is all this!?!!!" I complain loudly that it's almost a shout.  
"What do you mean?"  
"That guy..."  
"Oh I see...You did choose him yourself."  
"Why didn't you tell me he's a guy!?!!!"  
"You didn't bother asking. You tried it with so many girls but weren't satisfied, so I thought you'd want to change your taste."  
I clench my jaw hard. Of course, Jane knew everything but didn't spill it out. She has the reason to, I did horrible things to her goods. 

"I want to change my Match." I calmly demanded. My deep, calm voice can't hide the rage inside me. Anyone that has eyes could tell how furious I am right now.  
"I'm sorry to inform you about the recent agreement. You have to stay with this Match for 6 weeks or our contract is terminated." She answers with a very happy smile on her face. Whatever I choose, it's her game right now.  
...  
6 weeks.  
...  
..

 

I guess I'll have to bear with it. Just one and a half month and I'll bring him back. It's better than letting go of my revenge. 

"OK." I have to suppress my anger and draw back out from the office. Still leaving him in the same state, I drive back home. 

As soon as I arrive, all I do is pulling off the scarf tying his wrists. Just enough for him to free himself.  
Getting off the car, he stares at my house in surprise. 

"Come in." I said. He has no choice but to follow me. Panics seem to die down when he notices I stopped after realizing the fact that he's a man. 

 

The emotion on his face immediately changes when he enters.  
Unpleasant smells, messy furniture and ruined blanket.  
Any sane person would know what I did here. I intentionally leave it this way for the purpose of frightening the Match I choose.

And it works. Judging from the absolute fear on his face. 

"Stay here."  
"Where are you going?" He asks, confused.  
"Red light district." I answers truthfully. To be exact, I'm not going to buy any cheap escort. There's more expensive one, costly but worthy. 

He pauses for a second and nods. 

"Erm, who exactly are you? I thought they'd pair me up with some widower, one that is...older than you are." And why do he show such a know-nothing face. Aren't Asian people bright and smart? Well, perhaps the one facing me is an exception. 

Can't complain. I'm also half Asian. Stupid enough to being tricked by Jane. 

"Do I look like an old widower?" I calmly reply. He shakes his head in response.  
"Who the hell make you own such a pretty face."

"Ah, I get it. You mistook me for a female and chose me as your Match." Suddenly he laughs out loud.  
I stand there in awe. There's no one that came here and laughed like that. So innocent, so truthful, too truthful that it irritates me. 

"Nope. I want to try something else. But I'm not in the mood for guys today. Or do you want to go all the way?" I shorten the distance between us, pushing him onto his knees.  
This way his face is placed at my crouch. 

His relaxing stance is immediately gone. He sits there, mortified.  
I retract my hand and turn my back to him. The unsatisfied feeling that lingers from things that have almost happened makes me feel irritated. 

When he startles just from a simple touch on clothed skin, that taste on his lips, the fresh cologne from the drape of his neck, all of those still linger in my memory.  
Red spots are probably still on his skin right now.  
And that fresh smell...is so intimidating. 

Crap.  
..  
How the hell could he turn out to be a guy. 

 

Actually, with his hairdo and clothing, why haven't I noticed?  
Perhaps I was too busy checking on his perfect lips and alluring black orbs, too absorbed until other things weren't noticed. 

..  
Irritating.  
Jane must be contently sneering right now. Thinking she could finally take a revenge on me. 

 

[Jinyoung's POV]

He quickly drives away. I'm still completely stunned by what just happened.  
Just realized I forgot to ask for Shownu's hyung phone number and address here in LA. 

My wrists are bruised and pain is stinging at my chest from those bites earlier.  
I feel my own face flushes just by the idea of his tongue tasting my lips.  
Feathery sensations at the nape of my neck are still lingering.  
Well, it's not too strange I can remember all that happened. 

Because everything...is the first time. 

He is definitely hard and rough but his actions don't have the intention of harm.  
It felt more like...hunger, desire. Or I might be wrong, all my life I've never had this kind of experience. I barely even know about masturbation so let's say my knowledge is limited. 

Well, I do know homosexual exists.  
But I don't want my first time to be with a guy. 

So embarrassing. 

At least he's nowhere around here, I'm relieved about that.  
Actually if I want to escape, this is the moment. He won't be chasing me or looking for me.  
But where can I go? Because of all the rush, my travel documents are half-fake-half-real, it'll be a big trouble if I run into police. So, staying here is the only choice while trying to contact Shownu hyung. If I'm lucky enough, I can do part-time at his wife's restaurant while waiting for the 6-weeks contract to due and go on random-matching with other widowers perhaps. 

 

Taking a look around the house, there's picture of him, my Match, and the other older man I supposed is his father. Not one picture contains the image of his mother.  
However, his face has the Asian vibe to it. He must be an Asian-American.  
The picture shows two men, the older one wearing some luxurious items such as watches and gold. That says plenty, they're rich, very rich judging from the house I'm in right now. 

Assuming from his hot temper, he must be out finding some girls to sleep with.  
That means...he won't be marrying me or anything. 

 

That fact has a huge impact on my plan. I'll have to wait for someone else to pick me as a Match after this 6 weeks has passed and I'll have to make her fall in love to me almost immediately. At least she has to be head over heels on me enough to give me some budgets to send back home.  
Well, I did grow up in a life that taught me you can't speak of money to anyone who still thinks you want their money. 

Judging from the past hours, just surviving this 6 weeks safely from him is very very more than enough.  
Or if I do him some favors, he might give me some money.  
Peanuts for him might be enough for Jimin's scholarship. 

The house I'm in is decorated neatly, almost like those you can see from modern interior design magazines. What a waste that it's in a mess, fill with traces of some dirty activities. 

Wow, I'm so lucky to be born a man. He must have planned that restraint on the car earlier, hoping it'll knock me out from panic. Then when we arrive here, he can do whatever he wants. 

He looked like a hunter in a wild, hungry, desire needed to be sated. 

I shake my head trying to forget all that.  
First favor I'll do for him, is cleaning this messy house. Bed covers and blankets go straight to washing machine, scattered wastes, including used condoms, are picked up with my plastic-coated hands.  
Well, I discover a large box of condom besides the bed. Half of them has already been used.  
In addition, there're gels, neckties and even handcuffs. 

I don't even know what to feel. 

...  
...  
He must be a psycho.  
No normal people act like they have nothing to do but sex. He doesn't seem to have anything else in his life other than those equipment, all related with sex. 

I simply pick a bedcover from one of the closet and put it on.  
It's almost midnight but thanks to jetlag, I'm still wide awake enough to clean the entire house. 

 

After I finish, there is still no trace of the owner of the house.  
So I decide to shower, unpacking my luggage only to get shampoo, soap and clothes then pack them back. Having no place to arrange my belongings in properly.  
Such a large house, but there's only one set of bed, closet and sofa. 

It can be assumed that there is no other room to sleep in except in the same one as him. 

I let the hot stream of water run down on me, rubbing my own shampoo and soap on my body. Familiar scent calms me down. It's the same scent as Jimin because I know I would miss home so much and this make me feels closer to my family.  
Simple white T-shirt and trousers are chosen because they're comfortable enough for the house that has heater turned on. 

The next problem is the bed. The sofa is probably too small to sleep in comfortably. I've already bear with somewhat ten or more hours in economy class and am refusing to endure some more. 

...

I'll just take a short nap.  
When he does come back, I'll move to the sofa. 

It has been a hard day. 

Climbing up on bed, I literally sink down into one corner. It's so soft, so warm that I can literally disappeared. 

Comfortable and warm, I drift off to sleep. 

 

...  
...

 

...

'Ah...A...'  
'...'

I wake up to unfamiliar voice next to my ear.  
Rattling sounds and swaying movements are what I sense.  
I have to pull out the blanket to peek at what is happening. 

Is it an earthquake?

Still not fully awake, orange lights from the lamp disturbs my blurred vision. 

I sleepily shrug before glancing at the source of disturbance only to see the face of, I suppose, my Match staring back at me.  
And what about these movements, I'm forced up from my sweet dreams because of it. The next thing I noticed is his action.

He's the source of those bed-swaying movements. His heavy breaths can clearly be heard.  
And he's naked. 

Wait. What!?!

His actions continue, crashing down to the bed in stable rhythm.  
But it's not on me. 

I turn my head to the side, finally have a clear view of his partner, a long-haired beautiful blond lady.  
Heavy breath and moans escape her lips that is shut but his hand clasps tightly on her mouth. 

 

Breaking the gaze from that view, I stare back into his eyes. He seems to be looking at me the entire time while actually he should be paying attention to the girl.  
I'm too sleepy to even focus my vision, blurred image still get some of my eyelashes in the visual field.  
The two person in the same bed radiate some heat that also makes me feel hot, too hot to stay under the same blanket. I close my eyes, instinctively brushing my hair of my neck to let some air cool me down. 

"Jinyoung.."  
...  
Erm...  
Don't call my name while you're doing something like this, especially not in that husky voice. 

"Hmm?" I hum an answer, high-pitched the end to emphasize the word as a question.  
"Call my name." He whispers while slowing down the pace. It's meant to be a command. 

...  
Eh...what is his name?

"What's your name?" I murmur curiously. Is he crazy? Asking me to call his name out of nowhere, in time like this.  
Suddenly I realize the fact that he's having sex, my face automatically flushes. Isn't this considered a private activity? Has he no shame?

"Mark." Shortly he answers.  
...

 

"Mark." I mimic his answer, saying his name in my wake-up hoarse voice.  
Letting soft pillows absorb my consciousness, drifting away little by little. 

"Call me again."  
"Mark...Mark..." I shut my eyelids and obey his command.  
Why do he do this? Making me call out his name? He should hate me, try to drive me away or try to get rid of me. 

"Mark." I look up, making eye contact with the name's owner.  
His lean body responds by shuddering before climaxing. Is it hallucination or he smiles?

His growl shows satisfaction. He gets up, pulling off the used condom.  
"You can leave." He heartlessly said to the person underneath him. 

 

I feel myself frowning.  
Completely lost on the situation. 

 

He...brings a girl to have sex while I am in the same bed!?!  
...  
Well, that's not too unexpected since he seems like a kind of person who could do this thing shamelessly even in public.  
What I don't get is...why do he order me to call out his name?

Mark seems so relax, trashing his own self on bed, completely naked.  
I toss the blanket onto his body, increasing his privacy by one bit. He glances at me before half sitting up, attentively stare at me.  
Even I am covered in blanket, his gaze still scans me from head to toe while I awkwardly try to find a place to land my eyes.  
Looking down is not a good idea since it means seeing his exposed body.  
Making eye contact? Oh no, probably not that.  
So I have no choice but to fix my gaze at his lips...

I almost stop breathing, still afraid of him.  
He's not someone you can guess the next move. 

"Are you hungry?" I try to break the awkward silence, finally meet his eyes. He raises his eyebrow and I feel his gaze trailing down at my lips. 

"Did you try to seduce me?"

...  
?????????  
...  
?  
What!?! Did I do anything that can be assumed into that statement?

"Wish you were a girl."  
Oh, thank god he mutters this out. 

I have nothing more to say. 

"But you do look like one showing only your face."  
He sounds cold while sending his hand to my jaw, clenching down to force his digits into my mouth.  
I am completely frozen. He do nothing but stares at me coldly and I instinctively realize what does he want. 

Do it, Jinyoung. Do it.  
Don't make him angry.  
This is just for money.  
Just for my family.  
For Jimin. 

...  
I hold my breath and start nipping on the fingers.  
Imagine they're some popsicles and sucks them, shouldn't be too hard.  
Avoiding his eye contact, I continue pleasing him.  
Well, no use resisting anyway. 

If there's going to be something more, resisting is never too late.  
"Lick them." He commands sharply. I feel myself swallow hard, obeying his order.  
His gaze is filled with lust and desire, making me feel worthless, ripped off all honor. 

Just imaging it's an ice cream, Jinyoung. 

I close my eyes in order to draw the picture in my mind, continue nipping, licking, following his commands.  
Until I hear Mark's swallowing, those digits pressing deeper into my mouth.  
I have no choice but to please him. 

"You're good." He whispers softly into my ears, making me blush. Before retracting off, he stands up to go shower, leaving me sitting blankly here.  
I bite down on my own lips, unconsciously lifting my own hand to my mouth. 

 

Bastard. 

I tiredly exhale.  
This is just the first night.  
...  
.  
6 weeks.  
It won't be easy on me. 

But I'm a guy, judging from today, he won't be going all the way with me.  
And his personality, if he really want to, he would already force me into it. 

 

...  
Endure it.  
Jinyoung.  
You can do this.


	3. Alluring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Mark's POV]

He's already asleep when I finish shower.  
Of course he must be. 

What he has done arouses me even more than girl's temptation and I'm not even into men. Fortunately, that girl I brought with haven't left, so I could have another round of relieve.  
The image of him, his red tongue working on my fingers, has turned me on in a way that nothing ever did before. In addition to that, he even look at me that way, eyelids close half way and that voice moaned my name. All of those sums up into a seduction. 

Mark. 

Flashbacks is running through my head and yet again I'm surprised how it is so mesmerizing.  
Not even a day but he does an incredible job on seducing me.  
Well, he does own a very beautiful face. So maybe it can be assumed that anyone would gladly have him as their partner. 

 

Snapped out of my own thoughts, I look at him lying comfortably, sleeping soundly. I can't resist the urge to gently trail on those beautiful lips. 

Too bad he's a guy. 

This sentence keeps ringing in my head. But actually, I'm not that disappointed, I think I just need some time to get used to it. It's not like I won't be opening up to some new experiences.  
He won't be getting away so easily. 

Those moves, that lick, the actions he did I assumed them all as a seduction and he seems to be professionally experienced.  
His fear and denial are all fake.  
But I do realize he didn't meant to seduce me, I went through enough girls to see that fact.  
Although he and them share one similar things, they want my money. 

Whatever. 

It has been a long day and I'm out of energy.  
I throw myself on bed besides him, not bother to wear anything. 

It's my habit to sleep naked because it's more comfortable.  
My eyes gaze at his sleep face.  
Milky white skin, long black eyelashes, his hair is in its natural color, black, making his skin even brighter.  
And that lips are unconsciously a little apart. 

Those perfect lips...

I feel myself sigh and decide to turn my back on him, drifting off to sleep. 

 

...  
...  
The slight action from something soft and warm in my arms wakes me up. I open my eyes to the picture of his beautiful face staring nervously at me. Now I'm sure the radiating scent is not perfume but his own scent. 

"Let go. I'm awake." He said.  
"But I'm not." I slur and close my eyes once again.  
It's weird that the other person didn't try to get away. Actually, he stays perfectly still.  
The fact that he's a man seems to be a great protection since he doesn't think I would do anything to him like I did to other girls.  
So, he's not that afraid of me. 

 

If he is a woman, he would be moaning breathlessly and begging under my control. Endless revenge would be pouring onto his body days and nights.  
I won't even care if he gets enough sleep or have proper meals. 

But this guy.  
...  
I open my eyes to his eye contact. He flinches in surprise. He must have thought that this action is cute or adorable.

"You don't have to feign innocent or act cute all the time. It's a fake. Isn't it tiring?" 

He frowns back at my words. 

"Does lying still count as faking?" He returns a question while showing a complete unhappy face. I must be too nice, so nice that he dares speaking up to me like that. 

After a few second of silence, he seems to realize he shouldn't be speaking in that manner and changes his attitude into a half-smile. 

"Sorry."

I capture his face in my view again and again. He does got a very perfect features, so appealing, alluring to the point it is intoxicating.  
I'm too into him. He won't get out of this easily. 

Never. 

Just little service that's not even close to foreplay that happened last night nearly drives me into pure lust. 

"Stay still." I command him while lifting myself up hovering upon him. His body suddenly tenses.  
Soft blanket is still covering his lower body.  
My eyes slowly trail along his face, chest, arms down the way onto his waist, informatively collecting everything I can see. 

...  
Maybe, just maybe.  
If I look at his body and register he's a man, like me, my rage and disappointment can be subsided. 

"Strip."  
...  
"Erm...don't you have to go to work?"  
...  
Without any word, I coldly stare at him. He inhales sharply and shuts his eyes, gathering some courage for what he is commanded.  
Slowly, his shaky hands lift off the T-shirt. Too slow that I'm not patient enough and lunges forward to pull it off until his upper body is all exposed. 

Flat chest. Pink nipples. Delicate waist.  
...  
...

That's a moment of stop and stare for me.  
And there is some sort of desire urging up inside my chest.  
...  
The view...doesn't really has the effect that I wanted.  
He seems more like a small-size woman. 

Well, that means he could be tried on. 

I move closer too his frightened face, my nose can smell his scent, so warm to the point it's intoxicating. My hand is up against his chest, playing and pinching his beautiful cherries following by my tongue. 

The touches are kind of rough, biting and crunching like a hungry beast even though I have just have sex with a woman last night. 

But this skin I'm against is so soft and smooth. The scent is highly addictive.  
When the red spots are marked on him, I feel satisfied. Marks that are engraved on him seems so right in place that I nearly can't stop.  
The provocation on his lower body starts but he doesn't respond to anything. Actually, he stays perfectly still like a lifeless mannequin. His only response is tears, welling up in his crystal black orbs. 

"Hey, don't act like this. It's not like this is your first time?"  
...  
To my surprise, he nods with heavy breaths that seems like he's about to cry. That frightened face shakes my intention and his welled-up tears are a sore to my eyes, wanting to make those crystals to drop along his cheeks like yesterday. 

"Well, I've never tried it with men. So it's fair for both of us, also my first time." I shift my own body up above him.  
His eyes tear from contact, looking downward towards me. It's not hard to guess what is he staring at since that part of me grazes along his thigh. 

His face suddenly goes pale. He shakes his head, trying to stop what's about to happen. 

Too bad, I don't really how to do it with men.  
If I do, I swear I would take him right now.  
He, who is horrified right now, might be ripped apart painfully.  
And that would make me so satisfied. 

His plump lips is unconsciously bitten by his own teeth. That reminds me of last night event.  
My lips quirk up in a wry smile and my own body already longs for his touch.  
Just looking at him can turned me on in a way nobody ever did. 

"Get down on your knees" I command.  
"Mark." His shaky pleads for my mercy.  
Instead I enjoy seeing him struggling from his fate. 

I don't reply him and he also doesn't move one inch. 

"Why do you come here?" Of course, my kindness is a fake. My nose inhales his scent by his soft cheek, trailing down his neck while waiting for his answer. 

"I...I have to earn a living for my family."  
...  
No difference from others. 

"If you want to earn some rewards, then do as I say." My teeth bites down hard on his nape of neck and he flinches at that nonsensical pain. 

My Mother held no difference, coming here for her own family expenses.  
But what about the family she built here.  
...  
Did she regret the sins she's committed?

Or she never saw us as her family at all. 

 

...  
...

 

Jinyoung's body slides down, obeying my order.  
I shift up, back against the headboard so his face is perfectly placed at my crouch. 

He turns away, face showing pain, shame and fear.  
Revenge on these people gives me so much satisfaction. 

Shame, huh?

When they lied, they didn't feel any shame.  
When they threw their child away and stole all the money they could reach, they didn't feel any shame.  
When they feigned love, faked caring and then left for people who truly loved them, they didn't feel any shame. 

So they won't feel any shame towards something so natural as having sex. 

These thoughts shoot up a streak of pain through the deep scar on my heart. 

I then reach his chin and forcefully shove myself in. 

"Ugh. Um" He gags and squirms in protest, trying to get away so I grab him by his neck, commanding. 

"Do it."

That's all I would say. He has to learn a lesson. He cannot disobey me.  
I tease him with light squeezes on his neck and surprisingly, that works. He begins servicing me like he should properly do so. 

However, patience is not my thing. Instead of letting him control the rhythm, I take the liberty of pushing and pulling as I wish, thrusting deep into his throat.  
Unmatched with my strong, rhythmic pace, his movement is slow, soft and so unsure. 

My gaze directly glazes his face, catching every detail. 

His eyelids shut down, tears rolling down and brows twisted in pain. Shutting off his vision as if nothing's worth seeing, nothing's worth remembering.  
While his tongue is obeying my command and giving irresistible pleasure. 

It won't be a revenge if he could fantasize others over my image, imagining other pictures as tortures go on. 

"Look at me. Look closely. Be aware of what you're doing." I demand while thrusts continue.  
His dark eyes open up again, meeting with my gaze and tear away to where actions are being generated.  
Those emotions shown on his face are, I believed, not fake ones. There are fear, fright, disgust and denial.  
Too bad all those make me so satisfied that I need to torture him some more with each thrust getting stronger and deeper. 

"Ugh! Uh!!" Muffled words come out in protest.  
Eyes clouded with lust, my actions get rougher and rougher. His hands grip on my thigh, clenching his nails into it and as it goes on, he begins to scramble away, breathlessly trying to find some air. 

But that's none of my business. 

Speeding up the rhythm, the sensation becomes edgy. Then the climax comes and I intentionally pull off as it happens, so half of the white liquid is in his mouth. Other half, by his protest, is spread on his cheek and his hand that I hold up. 

He flinches away from my grip. Disgust is shown on his face, his eyes burning with hatred and tears.  
Milky white liquid still drips by his cheek, driving the view extremely lustful, so alluring. 

Instinctively, a smirk pops up on my face and I can't miss the chance to capture a photo of this moment.  
When he is imprinted 'mine'. 

He gets up as soon as he gets the chance to and the first thing he does is spitting liquid in his mouth out before my eyes. 

Disgust?

"Swallow them." I demand.  
He stares back at me sharply with anger burning out from his gaze, with tears welling up again.  
Like I care, my hand reaches out for his wrist, forcing it against his mouth but he turns away. 

Resisting. 

That action trickers my anger. Instead of fighting against his force, I rub all the liquid into my own hand and drag him along to the mirror, restraining him by his back. 

"Look in the mirror. Disgusting, huh?" Whispering in his ear, my hand slowly raises up to the level of his lips. 

"Lick." I command. He who is restrained by my other arm has tears trailing down his dirtied cheek. Against the tears, he starts licking, cleaning up my fingers. 

"Look at yourself while you do it." is another command. Still crying, he complies, slowly shifting his gaze to the large mirror in front of us. 

This is new for me. Other Matches weren't this fragile. They endured well until a few weeks but this one, this new one, he resists from the start and breaks down in just two days.  
If I do really go all the way, bringing him in hell as real revenge, how pathetic would he be. 

Satisfaction urges up inside my mind. 

"Good boy." I whisper when he complies with my command, wiping up some more liquid on his cheek with my index. 

"Close your eyes." That is another command I give. His actions put me into such a good mood. His face is straightforwardly showing his hatred towards me, towards his own, now filthy, self. 

Forced to do what ones hate, forced to be what ones disgust, these emotions are so amusing in a pleasing way. 

It's no difference with me. Forced to born with an Asian face, black hair, deep dark eyes.  
Just like that disgusting woman.  
Just like Mother. 

I push my soaked index finger into his hot cavern.  
He responds with a soft suck, unable to resist but protest is honestly shown. 

However, those emotions touch something in me, deep down. 

His warm lips that engulf my fingers right now is so warm, like when it's pleasing me on other spots downwards. 

So warm, and so soft. 

So addicting that it triggers my imagination on the image of having him all the way. 

 

After I pull my fingers out, he slowly opens his eyes. 

"It's up again. Another round?"  
"M...Mark." 

That is an only word he can speak for today. His mouth is for other purpose. 

Another round happen in front of that mirror.  
And another on the sofa. 

 

Wow, it's better than I've ever experienced.  
With my hunger sated, I let him go. 

He quickly steps away and now has been staying in restroom for almost two hours. 

Only sound can escape the wooden door.  
All I heard is vomiting sound and tap running. 

When will he come out?  
...

Well, another round of pleasure doesn't harm, right?

 

[Jinyoung's POV]

 

This is worse than I have expected. 

I have already brushed my teeth for the fifth time but when flashbacks pop up in my head again, I can't resist my urge to puke.  
All that came out is clear liquid as I haven't eaten anything.  
Just the sight of it makes me disgust my own self. 

There is no other escape route so I have to come off the restroom, pale and fatigue.  
Another man sits comfortably on the sofa when I pass by to produce a bottle of water from the fridge and drink up. 

The taste of his still lingers in my mouth.  
My eyes is burning from the traumatic cry for the past hour. 

A piece of bread is dug out from the corner and tossed into my mouth with any asking.  
But I am spent and my strength is drained, to the point I have no energy left to chew them in. 

 

"Come here." He commands again and I feel myself sign.  
Well, he won't be doing that horrible thing again, right? After all it has been three rounds for todays. 

I stuff the bread into my system and use water to flush them down while walking towards him, obeying.  
At least he isn't naked anymore with T-shirt and shorts on. 

I stop in front of him when he suddenly gets up and pulls the shorts down to my surprise and instinctively backs away. 

"Please, no more. It sores here." I plead with my hands raised up to massage my chin. It's not a lie though.  
"Use your hand then."

Haven't you got a hand?  
Well, I haven't said that aloud. What choice do I have, huh?

I sit down with my eyes glued to TV and my hand is on its duty, without a glance at him.  
But Mark turns off the television and I snap an annoyed gaze at him. 

"Why are you so bad at it?" He speaks out of nowhere. I stare at him confused. Isn't that supposed to be my words?  
"Bring up the mood, would you?"

"Dunno how to." I snarl back immediately. Mark returns me a poker face and a movement on his hands, rising up at my nipples, pinching provocatively. 

"Uh..." I let out a noise and feel his thing inside my grip throbbing.  
Mark hasn't stopped his games and shifts himself above me, full lips nipping on my earlobe. 

"M...Mark." I blame human's basic instinct for those moans coming off my throat. Their intention is protest but he must falsely interpret them as satisfaction, falling into his slave of desire. 

My hands are still working, so that this will finally come to an end.  
Mark dips in my drape of neck, biting down and marking me. 

Then he rips off my T-shirt, continue his tease down on my chest. It's so hot, so irresistible. 

Sometimes I hate my own instinct for responding, with both sounds and actions that happens downward. 

He chuckles in amusement, purposely rubs his hand through the rough fabric to create pleasing friction and I shiver at the tease. 

"Mark, please, stop." My voice is shaking and so soft, powerless. 

"Please yourself. That's an order. You don't know the emotion you've shown, so alluring."

"No!" I snap. Like hell I would, I'm not a show material or anything like that.  
"I won't stop if you refuse. Are you prepared for that?" I look into Mark's eyes and see a commanding pose, needs to be satisfied. And I'm in no place to resist. 

He's insane, a sadist, to be exact. 

His order needs to be obeyed. I please myself with another available hand, like I have a choice.  
Of course, I can't see my own face so I don't know what he means about my emotions being 'alluring'. And I hate my present self enough to shut my eyes close, looking at the ceiling to avoid his gaze and let go, moaning with pleasure.

Our breaths become shallow when climax is coming near, when my hands instinctively become faster. 

"Ah..." We both climax at almost the same time, into my hands. 

"You know what you have to do." He whispers and I respond by raising my palm up against my lips, with a poker face and lifeless eyes. 

Mark looks at my every action, eyes sparkling with satisfaction.  
I get up and once again go into toilet, brushing my teeth for the sixth time today. Well, luckily, I don't have enough energy left for another round of vomiting. 

 

Mark stares at me while handing me some banknotes. My eyes automatically glows and lips curl up into a smile. 

"For food."  
"Thank you." I smile. This happy emotion is honest, for me. But Mark, he maintains his poker face and his eyes, I feel they become darker, angrier and clouding with hatred.  
"Why do money seems to be so important for you guys?

"The fact is, it's important for everybody but you have enough, too much and so much that you don't know its value anymore."  
"I won't ever sell my own body for money, never." Mark said and I clench my teeth, resisting the urge to slap him.  
"Well, if I do have money, I won't ever buy someone with it just for pleasure, never." I return his words. 

Mark stares at me and in mere seconds, he rips all the banknotes in his hands into pieces. 

"You!!"  
"Don't you dare talking to me like that again." He brings himself up and shuffles off the house, leaving me with the notes' pieces that for me, has a priceless value right now.  
..

..

 

Well, that means today is a waste. 

Actually he seems rich, a real millennium and he's not so stingy.  
But psycho, sadist. 

I wonder if I try to please him, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. 

 

But I do hate him, much.  
Can't wait until the contract due, 6 weeks I have to bear and I will be getting out of here. 

Pieces on the floor are collected one by one. I discover tape, at least he has this in his house, and start fixing them. To me, they're extremely valuable. Hamburger is cheap here so it become the first thing I ordered to fill in my empty stomach.  
Bed and sofa are stained with those dirty liquid, our past activities remnant. 

Images flashing back into my mind, his thing that was forcefully pressed into my mouth,  
his shallow breath, milky white liquid and its taste.  
The way he teases with his lips and tongue on my neck and ear and what haunts me most, his cold and lifeless eyes.  
The image imprints in my mind and I believe it will stay there for a while. 

I shake my head, trying to forget those bad memory by think about Minji, Mom, Dad and even Shownu hyung. They're good distractions. 

Erm.  
I just notice cramping on my mandible. 

Huh, is he made out of steel? Why is he so diligent about this kind of activity?

I decide to take a nap until the burgers I ordered deliver, fortunately they accept those torn banknotes. 

As I worried, I can only chomp on half of the burger until fatigue wins.  
The sensation is no difference than when you try to blow a lot of balloon. 

Getting a rest might be a good idea, gaining some energy to fight him some more. 

...  
..

 

My conscious come back again when it's dawn. Feel relieved when discovered he's not back since last night, I snatch some money and go out for groceries only by the corner.  
Well, it's Mark's money, to be exact. Seems like he's got a lot since I save most of them up. 

Some painkillers and food go straight into the basket. To my surprise, there is some Kimchi available here.  
There're pricey but I buy them nonetheless, going to make some soup. I do miss home, a lot. 

When I arrive back, there is a car in front of the house.  
Well, I'm ready to get in and see him sleeping with some more strangers. 

...

But he isn't. 

He is sleeping soundly on the cleaned bed.  
Probably went out with some ladies the whole night, so he's here on bed at 10am in the morning.  
That's great. One burden off my plate. 

I start cooking while sticking two cool patches on each side of my sore cheeks.  
Throwing random bacon and cheese into the pasta, I make some Western food for Mark just in case he wakes up.  
And of course, a hot Kimchi soup for myself. 

Still not finished cooking, I hear rustling bedsheets sound.  
Luxurious as it is well-decorated, this is a one-floor house with no doors separating any room apart, not even kitchen. My guess is his kitchen is just for displayed, so now he might smell the food and gain conscious. 

I turn my head back to meet a pair of drowsy dark eyes looking straight at me, observing. 

Mark is not even fully awake so I don't pay him any more interest and turn back to concentrate on the cooker. Not long before all things are set up on the dining table.  
Because he is still on bed, I eat what I made for myself and clean up the dishes when done.  
Mark gets up and sits at another empty chair. 

"What is this?"  
"Food."  
"Jinyoung."  
"Kimchi soup. Pasta. Basic ones. I'm not familiar with Western food." Laid out the description without any confidence. Perhaps I should make some simple sandwiches, not this.  
Those are easy and I've got some practice while working in some cafés. 

To my surprise, Mark digs his spoon into kimchi soup.  
...  
And finish them. 

I step in to do the dishes. His gaze follows me all along. 

"Cook it again tomorrow."  
"Ok. But..the kimchi is out." I explain. 

He picks up his wallet and places some notes on the table.  
They are messily mauled, 50$ plus 20$ equals 70$.  
Calculated into korean currency, it's worth 80,000 Won. 

Wow, never got so much tips in my whole life. 

I smile, collecting the notes into my pocket.  
Actually, the kimchi is not out. 

Nor do the money he gave.  
...

 

...  
Well,

 

just in case he goes enraged again, I've got to prepared some escape route. 

..

"Service me." He parts his legs in suggestive action. I knwo enough what he wants is not food this time.  
Instead of obeying, I cock my head while staring back at him. He's not stimulated or anything. Out of the blue, he just want me to be tortured some more. 

So what I did is not obeying, I lower my face closer to him, still smiling sweetly. 

"Just ate spicy food. You might not enjoy the touch." That's all I muttered and he stares back at me, lips quirking up and nod in acknowledgement.  
"Okay."

Safe. 

I swear I will cook spicy food every freaking day. 

...

When the sun sets, he goes out again.  
Good for me. The further he is, the better. 

 

The bedsheets feel soft and warm when I'm alone. When I heard the door noise, I automatically fake sleeping.  
But he doesn't care anyway, pulling off the blanket and stick his nose at the drape of my neck. 

"Um...Mark." in resistant tone I mutter. His touches do change my tone to shakier words.  
Mark smells of alcohol, his fragrance and sweat.  
...  
They're telling that he's already slept with others.  
...

I lazily look at him, not resisting, knowing it's useless. We make eye contact and Mark's fingers press a feathery touch on my lips.  
Red face. Messy hair. He's totally drunk. 

"Teach me."  
"What?"  
"Teach me how to have sex with you."  
...  
..

 

..


	4. Gentle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Mark's POV]

'Teach me how to have sex with you.'

I'll admit it, I'm not fully in control of myself but I do meant every words I said.  
The doe eyes staring back at me innocently are so alluring. I know he is one sweet prey for a hunter but the hunter here doesn't know how to sink his fangs into it. 

And I know that if he started the touch, if he just seduced me like he always unawarely did,  
it will be enough to unchain the beast inside me. 

Lazy moans escape his throat where I'm teasing, catching all his sweet scents.  
Why is he the only one with this fragrance, the addicting scent to the point it's intoxicating.  
It has become frustrating nights, laying down but not actually sleeping, being pleased and released but still want it, still want him. 

He retracts his neck trying to back away, hands pushing on my chest to make some gap.  
The emotions on his face is so honest, being woken up from his sleep must irritated him.  
But that's none of my business. 

"Mark, what time is it?"  
"3AM." I answer in my usual monotone. Like I care about time, if I want to be satisfy, regardless of anything, I’ll have to get what I want. 

Actually, I'm not stimulated or anything. It's just my unbearable hunger that has not been sated.  
The idea of his safety, the fact that he's not completely mine, they make me feel like a losing, weak hunter.  
And it's embarrassing. 

"Um...it's late in the night. Let's go to sleep." He murmurs and I stare at him in disbelief. His eyes are drooping, not fully awake.  
"You already have spent a full day. Must be tired. Come on, take a rest." He opens his eyes and tells me those words. 

Somewhere inside me know these actions, familiar with them but can't recall the last time I actually treated with one.  
All the woman I slept with, there's not a single one who would give this to me.  
Gentle gesture, comforting words. 

"A hug?" His hands drop down from pushing me out and open out. Surprisingly, I relax into his gesture.  
My guess is this is new to me, so I’m swept off my feet, not sure how to react.  
To these unfamiliar actions.  
But it does stir up an irresistible urge to go to him. 

I slowly sink into those open arms, pressing my face into Jinyoung's warm chest. 

He just lays there.  
And I just hug him. 

It doesn't matter if he is comfortable or not.  
I'm still not fully in control of myself and a strange heat dwell up inside my chest. It's not the usual heat which is generated on my lower abdomen, the sensation of sexual desire.  
This unfamiliar warmth builds up in the chest and creeps up onto my face, onto my eyes. 

Maybe he's right, I'm tired from my hard day.  
Tired with the effort of finding some other girls to sate this unbearable hunger, which was caused by him. 

I hate him for being so perfect. His black hair, dark eyes, full lips, his innocent gestures, even his alluring sex appeal.  
The only problem is he's a man, one little reason for my struggling. 

There were many times when I teased girls' beautiful body but fantasizing his picture calling out my name instead.  
It's all no use when my mind realized the fact that he's a guy.  
And when I looked down again, the only thing I saw is filthy woman, prostitute who has already been sold out for many men. 

Nothing can replace him, imaginations are not even close. That's why I'm back here, in this bed. 

And look what he's doing.  
Offer me a hug. 

Moreover, he already drifts back to sleep.  
..  
I sign, a little bit downcast. 

 

Frail scent of him radiates from the clothes, I'm not quite satisfied with it since I really do miss his warm scent.  
I push myself up realizing the fact that I'm still fully clothed. The fact is, I normally sleep naked.  
So I strip, throwing the coat and shirt onto the floor carelessly, then also stripped Jinyoung. 

"Mark, what are you doing? It's cold." He murmurs, eyelids half closed.  
Hovering upon him, I look down to see his arms crossed on his chest.  
How the hell could I get into the past position like this?  
I strip him only to let the hug be without any barrier. That's all. 

Look what's he doing here. 

 

His wrist is grabbed and suddenly his eyes flutter open in panic.  
Without any explanation, I pin both arms down above his head.  
"Mark." He says in a pleading tone, body shivering because of the chills or maybe because of me. 

But all I do is just lay down, pressing my face into his bare chest.  
My own hands are sneaking under him, all of these result in a hug. Jinyoung practically freezes, still as a mannequin.  
But when my actions stop at a hug, more like a cuddle than a force, invasive one,

he hugs me back. 

Gently stroking my back, not the slightest purpose of sexual desire is shown.  
Only caring, loving and gentle emotions are portrayed. A kind of the hug I craved my whole life but never actually got one. 

It catches me off guard completely. 

I'm mortified by the engulfing warmth, strange yet familiar.  
The feelings I've always wanted to conceal almost seems to pour out. 

Even I want to deny the gentle touch, want to stand up and back off, but Jinyoung's got one thing right.  
A hard day completely drained me out. I'm tired.

Tired, not just because of this day, but my whole life, I've been too tired, restless.  
Tired of running away from horrible past, to the point I don't even know what I'm trying to escape.  
The only thing I knew is, if I ever stop running away, even just for one second, the karma will come at me. 

And that one second I'm afraid of, is right now. 

 

I press my face harder into his chest, concealing all the thoughts. Deep inside, a sharp pain dwells up in my chest, clenching and stabbing.  
That's when Jinyoung slides his hand up behind my neck,  
softly stroking my silky hair, slowly and gently. 

Something inside my chest melts right at this second. 

These past years throughout my revenge, those Matches I chose would grab my hair in lustful actions.  
Twisting them as they’re lost in the labyrinth of desire. 

 

They're far too much difference compared to these gentle strokes.  
I bite down on my lips, hard. Eyes shut tightly, losing all control to my brain. Breathes lost in faster rhythm. 

Somewhere among this mist, my eyelids feel hot and my nose is burning.  
My brain screams at me to push him off, tears my own body out of the hug, tells him to stop. 

But my heart insists this caring touch has to go on, and on.  
Until my conscious fades into the sleep. 

 

I never knew gentle stroke and soft touch worked with me.  
At first, it's a strange and unfamiliar feeling, yet I can't deny the urge to let go and take a rest from hatred, from revenge.  
I fall into deep sleep while wondering why I'm so relaxed. Jinyoung's hand is still on my hair.  
..  
It's almost like his hand is created for me.  
And also his lips. 

...

..

 

I wake up into the smell of herbs floating in the air. 

As soon as the vision become clear, I look towards the kitchen.  
It's exactly the same picture as yesterday's. Jinyoung's in the kitchen, busy cooking.  
I just notice the pain reliever patches that is stuck on his cheeks, gives him a stupid look. Chuckles escape my throat as I've never seen anyone use the patches that are invented for after-exercise sores for this purpose.  
While cooking, he seems happy and peaceful, so I just lay there in silent. 

He turns to notice me, already woke up, so he smiles back. 

"Not done yet. You can sleep some more. I'll wake you up." He says in such a relax gesture, too relaxed that I'm a little pissed off.  
Is he unaware of his situation?

He's supposed to be cruelly threatened, tortured for my revenge. But what the heck is this?  
He acts like he owned the house. 

I shake my head at the idea, confused and caught off guards. 

Just because he's a guy, I'm reduced to this state. 

I fall back into sleep. It's not long before a hand slightly patted my shoulder. 

"Breakfast's ready." He says in monotone. Not the slightest remnant of acting cute or pleading is added. He just calls me to wake up and that's all.  
I raise my hand to press at the pain reliever patches. They're soft and look cute on him. 

"Still ache?"  
"Better now."  
"Then service me."  
"Erm, still a bit sore." He suddenly changes his answer. Does he think I'll ever believe such a ridiculous excuse? I fix my glance at him while sitting up. Well, it's not just my body that is 'up'. 

"Breakfast first. I'm out of stamina."  
"Well, here's ‘American breakfast’. All yours."  
If I let him have breakfast before this, he'll be able to use the 'spicy food' excuse again. Jinyoung takes a sharp breath, looks like trying to compress his anger. 

"Go brush your teeth. You've just tried the food." I can let him do just this. He nods in respond, signing when he complies. His attitude does change. Now it seems more like he knows he ain't escaping any time soon. 

It's not long until he walks back to the bed, obeying. I smile automatically, savoring the taste of victory.  
He stares at me, doesn't even try to hide the hatred honestly shown in his eyes.  
I don't care. 

Jinyoung lifts his hands to peel off the reliever pathes but I stop him doing so. 

"Leave them there."

It does look cute.  
...  
He answers with a nod before taking a deep breath and murmuring.  
"Going out all night. Sleeping with random girls. And now in the morning you're here asking me to do this, huh?" He complains while getting down on his knees.  
All those words I heard makes me want to tease him some more. 

"Jealous?"

Jinyoung looks back up at me, lips curl up into an crooked smile.  
"It's disgusting."  
"Nope, condoms' on." I sincerely tell him. Of course, I know I have multiple partners and am not willing to change my lifestyle. So, I've never done it with anyone bare. It's all safe especially with girls because in case they got pregnant, they'll cling to me. Also, I don't think those prostitute is cleaned.  
It's not worth the risk. 

Slowly, I part my legs just enough gap for him to crawl in between. My hand caresses his warm skin while red lips take over mine.  
His eyes are shut.  
And I leave him like that with the different objective from before. He looks amazing like this. It's a feast for the eyes.  
The perfect angle, the way he presses in and backs off, the seductive moves with his tongue and hands. 

It feels amazing when I finally reach the climax, let out into his throat yet again.  
Even against his own will, he knows enough to swallow them before clenching his teeth, shallow breathes escaped.  
He gets up and rushes into restroom, vomiting once more.  
...  
"Are you pregnant?" I tease while he's still washing his mouth. He gags as he heard that.  
"Are you crazy? I'm a man!!"  
"Yeah. I know. No girl will have enough stamina to rush here in time." I sneer at him again.  
Jinyoung bites down on his lips and slips out of the door angrily. He's completely different person from the one who smiled at me the first second I'm awake. 

Looks like an easy-to-read person. Easily provoke and also easily forgive.  
The easiest way to make him smile again must be, of course, giving him some money. 

...

Wait.  
He doesn't deserve to smile.  
He doesn't need to be happy.  
Of all things, why do I have to care what he feels when he's just another revenge tools? The only he's worthy of is his lips, giving me the pleasure. 

...  
I shake those wandering thoughts off, following him to the dining table and sit down.  
It's an unfamiliar place to be seated since I always ate out.  
Those past Matches never cooked. 

He's the first. 

"What's this?"  
"Stir-fried kimchi pork. Kimchi soup."  
"Why is there so much kimchi?"  
"I like it that way." He snaps, digging his spoon into the warm bowl of rice. I follow his action, starting the meal.  
Delicious. I'm not familiar with Asian food but these do match my taste well. 

"Is there something you like? I can learn how to make it." Jinyoung asks me but I shake my head in refuse.  
Do whatever you want. I don't come home for dinner often, works and all. 

I look at the clock and it struck 9AM. My working time is 11AM, at Dad's company. That's one reason why I can start late in the morning.  
After finishing the meal, I get up for shower, put the black suit on and walks toward Jinyoung who is washing the dishes.  
A necktie is handed towards him. 

"What?"  
"Put them on for me."  
"Dunno how." He answers, honesty printed on his face and curiosity shown.  
"Then learn how to. Tonight, if you still don't know how to tie it, I tie you down instead. I've already tried it once when we first met, remember?" I'm kidding.  
But actually, the idea gives me a fantasy of him, naked, struggling on the bed with red streaks on his wrists. 

So alluring. 

"Okay." He complies. I nod, satisfied with the answer and take a glance at his perfect face again. 

In the past, I've never looked probably at any person.  
Never paid attention to anyone. 

The pain reliever patches on his cheeks are suddenly peeled off by me. 

"Ouch!" He startles in surprise, and probably pain. Hands cup his own cheek. Eyes shoot an angry glare at me.  
So I respond with a lift to one of my eyebrow, purposely teasing him. 

I didn't forget to leave some money for him.  
Jinyoung smiles when he sees the notes left on the table. 

...  
I'll admit it. There is a disappointment surged up when Jinyoung acted like that. No difference from other girls, hungry for money.  
It's more disappointing than the fact that he's a man.  
...  
..

 

[Jinyoung's POV]

It's better than yesterday.  
Not in the term of his horrible way to treat people, what I mean is he paid more. 

A small smile light up while I stuff all the notes into my luggage since yesterday's money is not out yet.  
Finishing all the chores, I decide to take a walk around the area. 

It's a village kind of community but difference from what I'm used to as there are big, luxurious houses. And by the end of the avenue, just across the road, there is a supermarket.  
Next to it, a park and a bus stop is available and I guess there is a subway station around the corner not so far away. 

It's a big, busy city.  
If I really do escape,  
he won’t be able to catch me. 

...  
..  
..  
Cool winds in my hair, this is the kind of weather I love most when I'm outdoor.  
It's still early so I decide to go farther, so I pass the supermarket I've already visited.  
As soon as I turn the corner, bright smile lights up on my face. There are a small bookshop, restaurant, a grocery shop and a café.  
Going into the bookshop, I choose a cheap second-handed book to read in the café. 

After all the chaotic events, spending some time alone is the best gift I could afford. 

Actually, I think staying here is not a bad idea, maybe I'll have to please Mark well.  
So I'll get enough money for my family back in Korea, to assure them I'm doing well. 

Even the truth is I'm selling my own honor.  
It's not my true intention.  
All I thought I would encounter is to be match with senior ladies, befriending them to lessen their loneliness.  
Meeting Mark is the most unexpected thing. 

But I have had a thought that I wouldn't come back the same virgin Jinyoung, I would probably be selling sex in exchange for money.  
So, a change in customer's appearance wouldn't change my determination. It's no use resisting my own destiny anyway.  
At least, Mark is rich. I bet he's not so out of his mind that he'd kill me.  
Sexual service I provided to him is not too invasive anyway and the rate is great, 70-100 USD once equals 80,000-100,000 Won. 

For someone who just got a high-school degree, this is the best way to earn.  
This fact gives me more motivation as I don't want Jimin to become like me. 

It would hurt like hell if she sells her body, her honor to earn some money. 

It's ok for me though. 

This useless honor, if it's still worth any dollars, I wouldn't be hesitate to trade it.

 

When the coffee is finished, I head home.  
Oh, I almost forget Mark's order about the necktie. There are some more ties hanging in his closet so I take one out for practice. It's not that difficult, experimenting from the tutorial on my phone. It can be used, without dialing because that's quite expensive. 

After a few trial, it comes out okay for me and I guess it will be for Mark. 

 

Late in the afternoon, I prepare dinner but Mark doesn't seem to come back any time soon, so I just have my portion and do the dishes. 

And he's still nowhere to be seen. 

Well, I bet he's out hunting, buying some girls again. 

No comment about that, I'm actually glad because it means another peaceful day. 

The recently bought book is the next thing I grab.  
Books are sanctuaries for me. They're like another dimension, absorbing me into it. I feel safe while reading, no hunger, sleepiness nor any worries would harm me. 

Coming to again when there's a door click up front. 

"Why didn't you lock the door?" He blames me in a very deep, cold tone.  
That's a signal says I shouldn't upset him some more.  
"Sorry." That's my sincere apology since I know if there is a burglar or thief, I'm not in any power to pay him back. 

"Have you eaten? I can reheat the dinner." I ask. It's late at night but my idea is, if he's eaten well, there's more possibility for him to sleep more than initiating any activity.  
And I'll be safe. 

"Do it." Shortly he answers. Mark seems to be tired, still in his suit like he's just finished his day of work. 

He locks the door and walks up to me, stopping just a few inches away.  
“Take it off for me.”  
…  
…  
I have to use a lot of self-control not to frown at the ridiculous request, not to yell back ‘do it yourself.’  
If I did that, even he seems tired and all, I’m sure it won’t be just ‘his’ clothes that I need to take off.  
But also ‘mine’.

So I obey, taking clothes off his lean body. The black suit outermost, unbuttoning his shirt, then his trousers and even boxers and socks.

Is he a kindergartener coming back from the first day of school?

After tossing all the stuffs into the basket, I grab a towel for Mark and reheat the dinner.

When he finishes his shower, Mark is in his bathrobe. Hair’s still wet, water dripping down.  
He then eats his dinner and go for the sofa.

“Come here.” Mark calls for me again so I sit besides him.  
“You’ll catch a cold like this.” I look up at him, his hair still dripping wet.  
“Let me help.” I decide to ask beforehand. Apart from he’s addicted to sex, one thing I knew about Mark is that he likes some acts of service, including this.  
He likes being treat like an earl, not just a master.  
He’s not someone you can argue or disobey. The only thing you can do is please them.  
It’s not so different from the work of a babysitter, apart from the sex-related action.  
Well, it don’t ‘feel’ too unfamiliar this way.

Agree or not, he does neither. So I go for another dry towel and sit down on my knee, gently wiping his hair.  
This position allows me to work since I can reach his head easier.

Except that Mark reaches his hands out and pulls me closer, onto his lap.  
And...pulling both of my legs around his body. It was my habit to wear buttoned pajamas and I do regret it this moment.  
Because he slowly, airily unbuttoning it one by one.

“M...Mark.” My voice starts shaking as soon as I feel his hot breath on my neck.

“Do what you’re doing.” That’s all he said, while pulling of my clothes.  
Imagine this. Mark’s in his bathrobe. I’m half-naked, sitting here on his lap.

Oh, shit.

 

Trying to stay calm, I gently continue my work on his hair.

Mark strokes me on the back and leaves touches on my neck, some feathery kisses and some rough bites.  
Then moving down, onto my sensitive chest.

“Ah…” Because of the unexpected shock, I flinch instinctively and fall back. Like he would let me do that, his strong arms pin me at the exact same spot.  
The touch become rougher as it goes on.  
And they’re so continuous that I wonder if he doesn’t need to breath, he also doesn’t let me take a breath.

“M...Mark...Ugh…” I twist, agonized by all the sensations.  
Sensitive spots stimulation makes my head buzzed, both my neck and my chest.

And so my inexperience body responses, Mark presses down on that through the clothes.  
He doesn’t invade in nor letting me go, from his lap and also not from my neck and chest.

When he backs away to make eye contact, his hands are on their duty, continuing the torture.

Mark clenches his jaw down hard.

“Do it, Jinyoung. Have sex with me.” In his seductive voice, he commands me like it’s the most basic thing in the world.

All I can return him is shaking my head.

“Won’t just the mouth do?” I offer, trying to seek an escape route.  
“Jinyoung.” He growls, dissatisfied.  
“Erm...I really...really have never done it with anyone.” I explain, truthfully. But all I got is a rough bite, Mark seems pissed.

“Never do it with men?”

“Nope, NEVER done it with anyone.”

Almost soundless, I clear his doubt yet again with my flushed face, ashamed.  
Looking all like a full-grown men, I’ve never had any kind of intimate experience.

 

Mark pauses.  
Staring back at me, seeking lies in my eyes to discover I’m not lying.  
I look back with heat burning on my cheeks.

How can I say?  
That he is my first kiss.  
My first.  
In every touches.

“You’re my first.” I drop the bomb, losing all control of my own face.  
Biting down on my lips like I always do when I’m nervous, my eyes avoid Mark’s gaze.

Petrified, Mark slowly pushes me off his lap while commanding.  
“Sit still.” That’s all.

Going to his back, he fetches something out.

A DVD.  
And inserts it into the TV in front of us.

My jaw drops as soon as it plays.

It’s a porn movie.  
…  
With two men starring in it.

“I know you’re one sly being, so let’s watch this together.  
You’ll have no excuse.”  
…

..

“...”

Sitting still throughout the movie.

It seems like my soul is off to other dimensions.  
One reason is the movie,  
and another is because he doesn’t seems to believe my ‘never-done-it’ words.

Mark watches the movie with his usual poker face.  
In my part,  
..

 

..

It doesn’t work on enhancing the mood.  
Instead it does the perfect work on increasing the fright.

 

Even with the usual AV, the one that the actors portray ecstasy, it still looks painful.  
There’s no comment on this one.

“Erm, Mark, who do I have to copy?” I turn to ask him the question, really have zero experience about these things.  
“This one.” Finger points at the thinner body moaning under another man.  
I gaze back and suddenly all the strength is drained. Do I have to do it all the way like that?  
..

..  
Mark sits still, his face also pale when he realizes all the complex procedure.

Starting from the fingers.  
Tongue on the back.  
Adding on some lubricants.  
Then pressing in.

He signs, hard, and turns the movie off.

“Can’t do it.”  
“Same here.” I immediately agree to his words.

 

We sit there, lost. Well, it is a ‘fail’ for the sexology education today.  
Mark is the first one to get up, grabbing some drink. Following him, I also take out a bottle of water.

He looks at me, then breaks the eye contact first. Thinking about what we just watched together, I also cannot look him in the eyes.  
Eye contact seems to remind us both of what the screen had showed us.

 

“Jinyoung.”  
“What now?”  
Deadly glare is shot back when I lazily slur at him.

“Do what you did last night.”  
“Last night?”  
“Yes.”  
Confused, I need to stop and think for a second. Does he mean the hug and patting him to sleep?  
Of course I can, it is way better than what we’ve watched.

 

I climb up the bed, arranging the pillows in their place.  
Still half-naked, Mark did throw away my pajamas. The next thing Mark do is taking off his bathrobe and now he’s naked, hovering above my body again.  
He flips the blanket on top, arms wrapping around my warm body.

My hands gently stroking his back.  
Fingers go through his dark, silky hair.

We both can’t sleep.  
My mind is completely blank and if I leave it that way, the flashbacks about that movie come into my mind. Maybe a conversation is a good distraction.

“How’s your day?”  
…  
There is silence. Too long that I wonder if Mark is already asleep when his word is heard.  
“Fine.”  
…  
Just one word answer like he’s annoyed of this useless conversation so I decide to stop.

 

“What about you?” To my surprise, Mark continues it with his murmuring voice.  
It’s new to me, speaking to someone into the sleep.  
“OK. I went out for the coffee shop around the area. Also got a second-handed book. Happy.” I tell him about my day and he responds with a light chuckle, nuzzling into my chest, he takes a deep breath.

“I used your soap, but I don’t smell like you at all.” He said while kissing my chest, the sensation plants on my skin and leaves a heat rushing onto my face.

“It won’t be the same. Everyone has their own scent.”  
“I like yours.” He whispers, seems like almost drifting into his sleep. Mark does look cute like this.  
To his dark hair, I slowly nuzzle my nose in, breathing in the scent. Like he said, he did use my shampoo.  
The scent reminds me of my home, of Jimin.

“I also like your scent.” With a soft voice, I answer. But Mark has already been sleeping.

I can’t push him away since he wraps his arms around my waist. So in this position, I have to spend this night like this.

It’s OK.

Well, it’s unfamiliar and a little hard to breath.

But it’s warm.


	5. Trade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to punch Mark in his face right after this chapter. Trust me, you all will, too.
> 
> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Jinyoung's POV]

The first week passed swiftly. Mark doesn’t go any further than what he’s been doing.  
He still gives me some money, depending on his leftover notes at the moment.  
Actually, I can save up quite the amount. All I need is one free day to transfer these back to Korea.

There’s no need for me to use those money anyway.  
This job is one real, light job and it’s so easy to earn.  
Well, I’m just doing this for a short period of time. Especially with Mark, waiting for the contract to due.

Mark’s not a homosexual so I’m pretty sure I’ll get out of this safely.  
Here in this state, there is a law enabling same sex marriage but as I already stated,  
Mark won’t be marrying someone who he can’t have sex with.  
He’s very needy in this aspect.

Everyday I need to please him in some way, either with my hand or my mouth.  
Fortunately, it happens less frequently, not like three to four times a day like the first.

My hypothesis was approved. Mark is fond of service acts, it can sate his hunger in some way.  
Examples are massing, either his hand or his foot.  
Following by sleeping while letting him hugged me, my hands gently stroking his back.  
He seems to like those actions.  
To the point that I get off safely for the whole day, not having to do something taht requires too much intimacy for my inexperience sexual life.

Sometimes I wonder, if Mark is really sex-addicted or is he craving for something other than that.  
Craving for warmth.

After I set up the theory about him, I take the advantage of it.  
Looking after him like he’s an earl, Mark seems to be pleased.

 

The black tie is perfectly tied to its place. I hold the suit for him to put his arms in.  
The next daily routine is walking up into the opened arms, embracing him so that he would go off for his day of tiring work.

I stopped waking him up in the morning ever since I catch his working time.  
The benefit is, I’ll be safe in the morning.

 

I’m bored of his ‘American breakfast’.

Mark tightens his arms a bit while nuzzling into my hair, lowering down to my nape of neck and playfully sink his teeth in.  
Just this playful touch makes me shudder, I won’t be getting used to it any time soon.

He seems to be in a rush today and maybe because I haven’t done anything special.  
There’s no banknotes left for me today.

That means another day is wasted.

 

As soon as he drives his car off the gate, I sit down with all the money and start counting.  
Only a week passed, I’ve already saved up 470 USD.  
Incredible.  
It’s only just one week. If I could earn so much throughout this time, it multiplies to 2820 USD, equals 3 million Won.

...It isn’t enough for Jimin scholarship fee anyway.

 

Maybe...I’ll just have to work harder.

If I could get all 5,500,000 Won from Mark, it would be great.  
There’s no guarantee of the next Match I’d get.

If I could do that, after this 6 weeks, I would be able to go home.  
Forget all that happened. Go back to being an ordinary guy, serving in a plain restaurant.

It would be great.

 

I’ll just have to...feign all the service, pleasing him both physically and mentally.  
Maybe the wages will go up from 50-70 USD per day to a hundred.

There was once that I got 100 USD.  
But I didn’t remember what I did.

Never mind.

I have a change of mind, not transferring the money back to Korea right now.  
If I did, maybe they will have to use this amount of money for other expenses first.  
I’ll just have to send it all at once.

Actually, if this 6 weeks pass, getting a part-time job here is not a bad idea since USD is much bigger than Won, I’ll earn more.

Stuffing all the banknotes back into my luggage, I take out my own wallet and decide to go for a walk.

I’m going further than the last day, passing the Supermarket, bookstore and the coffee shop.  
There is a main road, big, busy one and also a subway station located.  
…  
The station is my visual focus. I stare at it wondering about escape.  
Freedom lies ahead.

I won’t go, not now.  
All the money I want is left at the house.  
And some of them is still in Mark’s hands.

But it won’t hurt surveying.  
I go down the stairs to find the board, filled with Working employment, advertisement and the subway maps.  
Those are exactly what I wanted, so I pick some of the brochure up into my pocket.

People passing by, dim light and cold air.  
I can picture myself standing among the crowds, waiting for the train and will never come back here.  
But then again, where could you earn so much in such a short amount of time?

 

Walking back upstairs and return home, I’m not going to spend over something else at the moment since all the money must be saved up.  
Actually it’s quite far away from home. Having the Supermarket as the reminder, it’s easier to find the way.

 

When I arrive, the next thing is chores, cleaning then sitting down in front of the TV, reading.

 

Until Mark is back home, I put down the book and smile at him.

“Dinner isn’t prepared. You’re early.” I state curiously since this is Friday and he should get a holiday on weekend.  
So why does he come back so early? I was thinking he might be out for his nightlife.

“Take a shower. Get ready.” He commands without any explanation. I obey even I’m a little bit dazed. Is he going to take me anywhere?  
Still, I didn’t bother asking. He isn’t the type to answer but whenever he feels like telling, he will.

 

After the shower is done, I find Mark is already dressed up and is standing there handing me a shirt.  
“Here. It’ll fit.” So I receive what he offered, it’s a black shirt and he’s right, it does fit me perfectly in size.  
All done, we get on his car and Mark drives out to somewhere I didn’t know.

I still don’t bother asking, sitting stiff besides him.  
Mark seems to be in a good mood but still silent as always.

 

The car stops at another big, luxurious house with some sort of loud music radiating out.  
I have a jaw-dropped. This is exactly the same scenario from the movie, the Friday night life’s party in US styles.  
Thinking I’ll have a chance to see something new, my lips curl up into a smile.

Mark parks his car besides others, expensive car.  
And pulls his hair up, fixing them in their place when turning his gaze to me.

“First of all, introduce yourself as my relative, except with my friends. You’re free to tell them you’re a pro or whatever.”

What kind of first-of-all into the party is that?

“Second, don’t eat the brownie in the party. Don’t try cocaine. Alcohol is OK but no drugs, alright?”

“Lastly, you should have this with you. Here.” He hands me a box of condom.  
I receive it, still confused. How to use this thing? Moreover, which girl would be interested in me, a plain looking man with no expensive clothes or watch on.

“Just in case your partner doesn’t have one.”

 

Oh shit, what does he mean again?

Where does Mark get the idea that I will be sleeping with men?  
I can’t resist shooting a deadly glare at him, but am not able to verbally argue since he’d be furious.  
There was no income in the morning. If he won’t give some more tomorrow, I’d be in trouble.

“Thanks.” I replied coldly. Mark stares at me emotionlessly.  
So I turn my head into the vague view passing by through the mirror.

…

All his warnings make me wonder if I would enjoy the party.  
I’ve never had any kind of alcoholic drink since I can’t take a break from my work.  
So I’ve never been drunk before, that would interfere my daily routine. It can be interpreted that I’ve never had the party-ish teenage life.

 

Stepping down from the car and follow Mark into the party,  
So many people casually greet him, mostly blond hair and blue eyes men.  
I bet almost all of them are Americans.  
Apart from men, women also greet him...by a kiss on the lip.

“Which one have you been sleeping with?” I tease Mark after all those French kisses, yes a deep kiss, not just a playful greeting kiss.  
I saw all of them since I’ve been standing besides him.

“Those two.” He points his index at two pretty dancers in their bikinis.

“Just those two?” In disbelief, my voice rises into a question.

“Just those two, that I’ve never touched.”

 

OK, this suddenly makes sense.

“Follow me.” He commands, so I walk up to him but there are so many people that are dancing, drinking, having the time of their life. I’m always pushed off from him and that might have annoyed him.

A hand grabs tightly on my own and drags me along.  
I’m startled by the touch. Mark usually gripped on my wrist, forcing me to his command, but this is different.  
He’s not entwining his fingers or anything like that, but his grab lands on my palm anyway.

I’ll admit I’m not used to this.

 

We arrive in the house and walk up the stairs to third floor where loud music fades into a faint noise.  
He pushes a door into another room, a living room with three beautiful sofas in their place.

The table at the center has some glasses, beer bottles, brownies and some white dust spreaded on it. Everybody in the room aren’t in their full senses.  
At least they still have enough conscious to stand on their own feet.

“Heyyyy Mark” They greet each other and I force myself to smile back at the stares on me, don’t know what to do.  
“Your recently imported girl?” Mark’s friend said in a question tone. He’s sitting on the sofa with a beautiful tanned girl in her bikini on his lap.  
…  
Imported girl, huh?  
…  
Biting down on my lips, I didn’t response. Knowing perfectly nothing about this kind of situation, really don’t know if I should bow, wave my hand or greet him the other ways.  
Or should I stand here like a statue, what would be the right choice?

 

Besides, that triggers my curiosity. What does Mark want me to introduce myself for them? They’re his friends, right?  
It would be better if I could ask him, but he’s busy spreading the white powder with his fingers.  
…  
And you warned me about drugs, huh?  
…

“Come sit down first.” Another friend of him speaks to us. He also got an Asian face, dark hair and sharp eyes, Chinese-looking one.  
Mark steps into the most inner sofa so I follow.  
Strangely, he puts me into the space between himself and his friend.

Looking around I realize one fact, Mark is the only one without any girl besides him.  
He puts me in those girls’ place. Oh, and this friend of him is an exception too, no girl next to him.

“Hi, I’m Jackson.” The man greets me first so I response with a faint smile while bowing my head.  
“Jinyoung.”

 

“Hey, isn’t it too early in the night, huh, Jackson.” A blond man mentions him. These words confuse me, what exactly do they mean?  
These people know I’m Mark’s property.  
But when his friend greets me, they teases with these suggestive words.

..Fear slowly comes up to me.

 

“At first, I thought you’re so blind that you can’t even separate man and woman. But seeing him does make me get it. How’s it, Mark?”  
I bite down on my lips. These conversations are so rude. It has no politeness at all.  
I guess it’s because they has the same idea Mark did.

…  
Prostitute. Money trades sex.

This is the idea in their heads.

 

..  
..  
“Fine.” Mark’s answer makes me smirk.  
Why don’t you tell him you’ve never do it with men before? That you aren’t capable of it.

An Asian girl is sitting next to that blond guy. She’s beautiful, radiating aura of a model.  
Mark has been staring at her the whole time.  
That gaze mimics a tiger, hunters in the wild targeting their preys.

Strangely, my heart wavers at that. I didn’t hope Mark would bring me to introduce to his friends or something like that.  
But I was excited at the idea of a party.  
Actually, now I feel like he’s using me for some propose.

“Want something to drink?” Jackson asks me when I realize his face is so close, only a few centimeters away. Instinctively, I falls back to Mark’s side.  
“Erm...whatever.” I said so he stands up to the fridge and takes out a bottle of beer, popping it open, he hands it to me without any glass.

No choice but to drink directly from the bottle, I gobble up. The taste I’ve pictured is bitter, but it’s not.  
The flavour that lingers is a perfect balance of sweetness and sourness. It’s more like fizzy drinks that would shoot the floaty sensation to your brain.  
I smile at the taste.

“So good.” Turning to Jackson, I smile at him gratefully. He does give me a good drink.

 

“Sui He” Mark calls out a girl’s name. That’s when I follow his gaze to meet that Asain girl.  
She looks like a Chinese, returning a sweet smile to Mark’s call.  
After kissing the guy’s cheek besides her, she steps into Mark’s lap.  
...

 

“Chinese guys are all cheaters. Jackson came empty-handed and Mark brought a boy.  
It’s not fun trading. The last girl Mark’s brought is so addicting.”

 

What?

Trading?

 

Wait a minute.

 

I turn my gaze at Mark. Well, he’s busy with that model girl, making his way down those breasts.

“Bambam and I, we’re serious about our relationship. He’s not for trading anymore. That also explains my empty girl-stock.”  
…  
My head is buzzing. I really don’t know if the reason is the beer or this disgusting conversation.  
“Stay here.” Mark turns to me and leaves with that girl, into the door leading to another room inside.

I sits there in shock. All the people in this room doesn’t give out any friendly aura.  
Luckily, everyone seems to be interested in beautiful ladies. As soon as Mark left,  
That blond guy went off outside and brought back another woman, and start deep-kissing her.

The only one left without a partner is...Jackson.

“Are you a Korean?” He asks.  
“Yep.”  
“How is he? I mean Mark.”  
“Just like you saw.” Gazing at that door Mark disappeared into, emptiness fills my chest and I don’t know why that happens.  
Well, he already had sex with another girl right next to me. But it’s a different situation.

 

I thought he has opened up more, so I did the same for him.  
But it’s all just me. I’m the only one who’s been trying.  
To Mark, I’m just a prostitute who puts my own body on sale.

Jackson presses closer to me, to the point that I’m pushed to the edge of the sofa.

“Your scent, it’s unique. I like it.” His face reaches closer to my neck and finally presses down to my bare skin.

“Hey Jackson, what did you say about your serious relationship with Bambam?”  
“I’m not cheating on him, huh?” Jackson quickly snaps.  
“Actually, your looks resemble my boyfriend.” He smiles at me while showing the picture on his phone screen to me.  
I get a shock when I see the picture of a boy, Asian, and he’s got quite a beautiful feature.  
Well, now I’m not surprised why he’s threatening me like this.

 

My body turns stiff immediately.  
Mark has never done it with men, but Jackson’s another different topic.  
And you call this a man who’s already got a boyfriend, he’s even showed me the picture of his lover while breathing in my neck.  
What kind of shit is this?

Both Mark’s friend and Mark himself give me disgust, and fright.

“Let’s go to where Mark is.” Jackson whispers while handing me a glass of drink.  
I can’t refuse. This place looks ten times more dangerous without Mark around.  
If I finish the drink, he would bring me to Mark. So I have no choice but to down the small shot.  
And I regret it, the bitter taste lingers on my tongue and the heat is burning in my chest.

“Ah…” My face is uncontrollably twisted. Jackson takes me by the wrist and guides me behind that door.

I feel dazed when the vision starts registering in. There is one King-size bed in the room. On it, Mark is having his time with that Asain girl.  
Staring at the view, I really don’t know what to feel.

 

Mark notices me and Jackson and he’s not even surprised. Instead he goes back to what he’s been doing.  
Jackson throws me onto the bed and shifts upon me.

I really, really want to ask Mark a question. What should I do?

Does he want me to give his friend a service, or not?

But it seems like Mark is occupied in his own world.

 

“Let me taste him.” Jackson is unbuttoning his shirt while shooting a bright smile at Mark, bother to ask for a permission.  
“Go ahead.” Mark answers casually and focus on his own activity. The girl is moaning, wriggling in pleasure.  
Jackson then unbuttons my shirt, pressing butterfly kisses on my neck, again and again.

“What a sweet fragrance.”  
“Ah.” Unintentionally, I grasp. Jackson is skilled and gentle. When I actually hate the touch,I can’t help but respond.  
The touch trails down onto my bare chest, stimulating the pleasure hidden inside.  
I hate my own body for betraying the hatred in my heart.

“Ah..no.” I try to push Jackson off, but his strong shoulder won’t even budge. The touches reach my stomach when I look up at Mark, lost in his world.  
He’s climaxing and has collapsed on top of the girl.  
He then commands her to get out.

 

Jackson strips me naked. My body is shivering in fear, eyes escaping any contact.  
“Beautiful.” He whispers in my ear, placing a kiss to my temple in the meaning of trying to calm me down.

Mark sits there, didn’t even tried to stop what’s about to happen. I close my eyes before tears fall. I’m just a pro to him, nothing more.  
Feathery touches is felt on my thigh. Butterfly kisses repeatedly place on my neck and chest. They’re all gentle.  
The next thing to come, Jackson’s hand trails at my waist, massaging my stiff body, trying to get me into the mood.  
I’m still shaking, tears still welling up, frightened.

 

“Hey Jackson, try this.” Mark springles some white dust onto my chest, all the way down onto my stomach.  
Jackson smirks while inhaling all of it.

“Ah..” He shakes his head, frowning.  
“Is this too much, Mark?” Panting, he still lifts his hand to caress my cheek.  
His lips press on mine, tongue piercing in and tasting every corner of my mouth.  
When Jackson breaks the kiss, I feel myself panting and a heavy object drop on top of me.

Jackson literally passes out.

 

 

“I’m sorry for disturbing your business.” Mark says in his usual monotone.

I get up. A sharp pain stabs into my heart after all the events sink in.  
A feeling of being worthless, adding onto the state I’m in right now. Naked, with another man’s body collapsed on top.  
What hurts me most is Mark’s face. That heartless display stabs me inside.

 

After all that happened, he could watch me being taken by his friend.  
He looks at the scene like it doesn’t bother him at all.  
It’s clear that I’m worthless to him.

I didn’t hope that he’d view me as an equal or he’ll be protective over me.  
But this is too much.

 

Wiping off the tears, I glance at him angrily.  
This one week that have passed, I was thinking he did have a gentle and caring moment.  
And that kind image has disappeared today.

He’s just another rich guy, sex-addicted.

Mark is surprised at my actions.  
I’ve already put all the clothes back on.  
“I’ll wait at the car.” That’s all I said before pushing the door out. Mark rushes to his own clothes and follows. A guy outside smiles at me.

“How was it? Who’s better, Jackson or Mark?” He asks.

“Mark sucks.” is the only word I leave behind, hearing all the teasing shouts at Mark in the back. I shuffle back to the car, intended to wait here and nowhere else.

 

…  
Is it a good idea to escape?

Right now?  
…

Shit, I didn’t bring the money.

 

…

 

But Mark has crossed the line this time, I’m really angry at him.  
Anger surges up that I have the idea of escaping to find a work of a waiter and just wait for the 6 weeks contract to due.  
Actually, a life of a real prostitute wouldn’t be worse than this.

 

..  
…

 

I stood there for about 2 hours,  
With all cool wind trespassing.  
It is clear that I mean nothing for Mark, nothing.

Whatever.

Apart from the money issue, Mark also means nothing to me.

I feel my eyes burning and tears welling up again.  
What have I done to deserve this kind of life?  
The condom in my pocket is picked out and thrown away.

He intended to trade me to his friends.

 

…  
..  
So why not enjoy the show until the end?  
Why’d he bother knocking off Jackson? If he really wants a good example.

 

…  
He would want to watch, want to know if the one being in control is satisfied.  
And didn’t care about me, didn’t know I’m also a human, with feelings and can be hurt.

 

 

 

[Mark’s POV]

I’m really his ‘first’.  
My lips curl up into a bright smile when Jinyoung turns back with tears.  
Hands wipe the tears off while shuffling out.

About Jackson,  
…  
He won’t die from just a small amount of drugs.

 

After all the commotion, I sit down with the remaining friends. Sui He is a model indeed, sleeping with her earned me some honour to them.  
Actually, I might be happier if Jackson didn’t rush things like this. We did agree that he’ll wait for me to finish my own business.  
He will help proving that Jinyoung’s really a virgin.

And will tell me after he has already done it with Jinyoung.  
I agreed to his suggestion. But he stepped in at an extremely wrong time, pushing Jinyoung down besides me.  
Because Jinyoung’s reaction told me everything.  
Resisting, turning away, that complete fright that is shown on his face, those eyes looked at me with pleading and disappointment.

He’s like an open book.

Jackson’s proof won’t mean a thing. I don’t have to wait for it.

 

When Jinyoung rushed out, I can’t just follow him like I want. That way, my friends will know I care for him and they’ll take the advantages of that.  
So I sit down and act normal.

 

And when everyone finds their partners and starts going into another room,  
I come out to the car. In the dark, I step on something and realize it’s the condom I gave him beforehand.  
There he is, leaning against the cold metal. Darkness conceals his emotions.

However, the image of his tears when Jackson touches him is still clear on my ming.

I unlock the car and Jinyoung goes in without a word, not even looking in my direction.

 

Music is turned on to break the silence.  
Jinyoung opens the window and stares outside.  
He’s not greeting me, not looking at me at all.

I don’t know if it’s a hallucination but my chest feels a sharp pain shot up. It’s a very strange feeling. Maybe it’s just the side effect of the drugs.

It doesn’t take long until we arrive back at home.  
Jinyoung opens the door and goes off even before I finish parking.  
My gaze follows him into the house. He’s acting weird...but that’s none of my business.

 

I step into the house when he just came out from the toilet with his belongings, being put into plastic bags and into his luggage.  
Jinyoung packs his things and starts walking out of the house.

“Where’re you going?” I interrupt but he’s ignoring my question.

Continued walking through the door, I grab him by the arm.  
But Jinyoung fling himself off my capture, legs shuffling away.

“Stop!”  
“If you’re going, you’ll have to pay the contract’s termination fee. Have money for that?”  
“When 6 weeks’ due, let’s meet at Jane’s office. Talk things down then.” Jinyoung answer heartlessly.  
Yeah, he’s right. It’s not the violation of contract like that.

I let go of his arm.

“Ok.”

If you want to go away, then go.  
..

…

Jinyoung doesn’t turn back.  
He’s gone.

Returning into the house, I take a shower with my own soap and find myself lingering about Jinyoung’s scent.

Who cares.  
He’s free to go anyway.

Out of nowhere, he suddenly acts like this. Does he think I need to apologize?  
For the past week, I’ve been giving him shelter and even money.

Finished shower, I flick my hair several times, too lazy to dry off the wet hair.  
Then a beat skips in my heart, realizing someone has been drying them for me this one week.

..  
I throw myself onto the bed.  
Jinyoung’s warm scent still lingers in the pillow and blanket.

Eyelids shut down tightly, trying to drift off to sleep.

But something’s missing.

The gentle touches, those warm hugs.  
The hand that lightly stroked my head, actions that calm me down.

They’re all gone.

…  
..

 

I can’t sleep.

Sit back upright, I’m angry at my brain for thinking about Jinyoung.  
Where would he be right now?

 

I decide to go out again, driving around the area while wonder where he could be.  
That’s when an idea pops up, there is a subway station not too far away.  
I’m confident he’s there. Bus system here is too complex for a foreigner.  
And Jinyoung is not the kind who’ll take a taxi.

 

So I drive that way and the hypothesis is right, he’s right there besides the stairs.  
Of course he will be, it’s too late in the night.  
The station is closed.

 

What a stupid guy he is.

 

I park the car and go to him.  
His pale face is stained with tears, turning to face me. That picture send a shock to my heart.

“Come.” is the only word I said when I grab his hand and drag him along onto the car.  
He’s not resisting, knowing he has no other places to go.

In complete silence, I drive home.  
Jinyoung’s still not spilling a word to me.

I don’t know what he’s being crossed about but he doesn’t have the right to act like that.  
Apology is not my thing.  
Because he’ll think that I care, 

When he’s actually just a material for my revenge.

Not someone I have to care about.

 

I drag him along to the bed, luggage is left on the floor.  
Hovering upon his body, the posture renders his freedom away.

Jinyoung’s gaze drops on other things, not in my direction.

 

“Who gave you the permission to kiss other man?” Pressing my nose down, I capture the familiar scent once again, the one I just realize I’m addicted to it.  
It’s so right that it’s worth my waste of time going out in the night to find him.

Jinyoung doesn’t answer.

 

Blanket rustles when I push myself up from his chest to the level of his face.  
Normally I won’t kiss my partner, a kiss means a bond that I’ve never wanted.  
But today Jackson kissed him.

Every marks that I imprinted on him, Jackson did the same.  
And I’m not letting that happens, Jinyoung’s mine and mine alone.

Because I’m the one who’s buying him.

 

“Go to shower, OK?” I command. He gets up without any protest, more like a robot obeying every order. His usual soap and shampoo goes with him into the toilet.  
It doesn’t take long when he’s out, naked. Must be too lost in anger that he forgets to take the clothes in.  
This is another thing. He was naked in front of Jackson as well.

 

..  
And I’ll have to take it back to be mine alone.

“You don’t have to. Come lay here.” While he goes to pick his clothes, I interrupt him.

 

Jinyoung climbs back up onto the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. His eyes is red and swelling slightly from the trauma.  
Who cares.

As I did routinely, I place my body between his legs,  
Lowering my face down, my lips press onto his.  
Jinyoung startles at the brand new touch, warm tongue slips into his mouth for the first time.  
Sweet scent is drawn in, the touch is indeed intoxicating yet again. The kiss lasts long, as if I would like to suck the soul out of him with this intimacy.

His lips is so soft, and sweet, like a marshmallow. It’s more addicting that I thought it would be.  
At first I just want to mark him, it’s a make up to what Jackson’s done.  
Before I realize that I’ve become obsessed.

That’s why I don’t kiss my partner.  
A kiss makes my heart skips a beat. Hunger is lit and I need to fulfill the sensation again and again.  
I taste the lips that had serviced me several times.  
Gnawing, teasing him until he’s out of his breath.

Jinyoung just lays there, stiff like a lifeless doll.  
I’m not offended by that. If he wants to stay still, so be it. I’ll do whatever I want.

The kiss is torn off when Jinyoung seems to be breathless. His lips are swollen red and it looks cute that I can’t resist but gently bite on it.

“Uh.” He moans, protesting.  
And turns to the other way, ignoring whatever I’ll do to him.  
So what? Wherever I touch him, he responses anyway.

My nose drags onto his bare skin, sometimes biting a mark onto.  
The image of Jinyoung pinned down under Jackson’s body still burns in my mind. Unconsciously, I squeeze his skin hard enough to leave marks.  
These touches are replacements for scolding him since I can’t. It’s my choice to take him there.

It is the rule, the trading.  
I wanted to sleep with Sui He.

So I have to trade, and Jinyoung is my exchange. Well, no one would be interested in him.  
Except Jackson.

That’s all I thought.

 

But it all went wrong.  
When I saw Jinyoung being touched by other men,  
Touching him all over, kissing on the exposed skin, leaving red marks down the way.

“Ah..”  
Well, he’s not talking to me but the body is honest.

Staring down at him, I’m surprised at myself I’m not disgust by man’s body anymore.  
Instead, his milky skin looks beautiful to me.  
Leaving feathery touches, I nips at his inner thigh, every human being’s sensitive spot.  
His delicate waist is next to be grabbed, massaged.  
Strangely, I’m angry at myself for not taking the chance to be the first one doing this to him.

“Ah…”

And I’m angry at myself for the lacking skills of going further.  
Especially when I do want to make him mine.

I shift my own body up above him.

Well, he’s not going to be other people’s property any time soon.  
He’ll not taking care of anyone else.  
I’m not serious about who his sex partner will be.  
It’s just sex, just the basic instinct of human.  
When it’s all done, all things end there.

 

The only thing in him that makes me envious, I guessed, is his warm scent.  
It’s like I don’t want anyone else to know of this, don’t want anyone else to become addicted to this.  
He’s the only one with this kind of aura.  
And if anyone wants this scent,  
The only way they’ll own it is to win him over me.  
That means I’m the loser, which won’t ever happen.  
…

I don’t know why, but I’m addicted to Jinyoung’s body.  
But not in the sexual aspect.

Maybe, just maybe because of the way he’s been looking out of the window, avoiding my existence.  
That might have shut of my sexual desire on him.

“Hug me.” I command and he nods in response. I take off my bathrobe so that we’re both naked.

It’s a disgrace for all that I’ve done but I just asked for a hug.

Dropping my body into the opened arms, it doesn’t feel the same as everyday’s.  
Those arms are enclosed with the same amount of force, it’s the same warmth and the same person.  
But I don’t feel the warmth that would surge up in my chest.

As soon as I back away, Jinyoung flips his own body to the other side.  
Pulling the blanket up over himself, I can do nothing but sighed.

I decide to put my arms around him from behind, just like that.  
Butterfly kisses are placed on his shoulderblade.

 

“Are you angry?” Don’t know what to say better, this is all I mutter out.  
Straightforwardly, Jinyoung nods.

Why the hell would I care? The past Matches I signed, I tortured them roughly so I felt satisfied.  
Or is it because it’s just physical touch of sex, even with anger of disgust, the sensation is the same when I finished.

This is the difference indeed, about what Jinyoung’s done. It does leave something in me.  
The warmth that radiates in my chest will happen only when he touches me with caring heart.

So it’s become more complicated than ever.

I press another kiss onto his shoulder, dragging hot breathes along his skin, neck up to his cheek.

“What do I have to do?”  
I really don’t know what’s next and Jinyoung also shakes his head.

“I don’t know either.”

 

He’s not lying to me. Judging from his voice, he really don’t know.

His body is stiff, pushing away my arms that enclosed around him.  
Tears drop down from his black orbs.

He must feel really bad right now.

The only way I can think off is the same thing he did for me everyday.  
The touch that relieves my tiredness of the day, that wipes out the bad feelings.

I close my arms around his body, trapping him to me.  
Then my hand is put on his hair, gently patting and stroking to show that I’m sorry.  
Even I didn’t know what did I do wrong.

I did this to everybody, free sex, I mean. And they don’t bother.  
Or perhaps I haven’t been paying attention.

 

Jinyoung’s mortified. His stiff body slowly relaxes into the touch, tears still drop down along the way.  
There’s no apology from me, no soothing words nor question..  
Just the gentle strokes like always.

With all that, he’s still not talking to me, not looking into my eyes or anything.  
Not returning my hug.

The only thing he does is nestling close into my chest, hiding all his tears.

 

That’s a good sign for me. It means what I did is the right method.  
Instead of him, today it’s me that hugs him into his sleep.  
It’s indeed uncomfortable.  
But it’s so warm. Like I have successfully cured a sick person.  
Like I have protected someone.

 

....

Is this what he felt when he did the same for me?

I really want to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.


	6. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Mark's POV]

 

I wake up as soon as the person in my arms moves, still not fully in conscious.  
Until the warmth I’ve been embracing all night goes away  
And the cold air of emptiness replaces,  
I then open my eyes to the new day, catching the view of him sitting on the bed, still naked.

 

He looks disappointed when he sees me waking up right when he gets off.

“Where’re you going?”  
“It’s morning. I’ll leave.”  
“I asked where’re you going.” This time in deeper voice I snap, anger that is boiling up makes it sounds more threatening.  
He gulps.

I have the rights to be pissed. Last night I went out looking for him, bringing him back.  
After all I did, he still wants to leave. Do I need to spoil him more than this?  
I pay for the Matchmaker service for revenge.

 

Being a guy, not having sex with him, and look what he’s doing?

“And why would you keep me here? After the contract dues, I’ll have to leave anyway.  
Or you want to ‘trade’ me to someone else, like you just did?” He yells at me, voice still hoarse from the night.  
His face’s showing displeased but somehow still manage to look innocently cute. I can’t help but be amused at the actions.

“What are you smiling for?” He scolds me for that, pissed. With that words I’m petrified.

Pardon?  
I smiled?

“It’s fun staying with you.” That’s all I muttered out. Didn’t directly answer his question, but if he is a little smart, he’s figure it out that I meant ‘I didn’t give the permission for you to leave.’

 

He glares at me enduring the anger, inhales sharply and nods knowing he couldn’t resist.  
Even if he wants to escape, he can’t. It’s weekend and I’m free staying at home all day.  
With his character, when these two days pass, he won’t think about escaping anymore.

He wraps the blanket up on his waist and gets up towards the toilet but I’m not letting him go, pulling at the blanket.  
“Mark.” He snaps, with frustration and I am pleased with my teasing.  
“It’s cold.” I lie though. It’s really warm inside the house.  
Jinyoung exhales, tired with my arrogance. He stands up without the blanket, naked and heads towards the bathroom.

His milky white skin is painted with my marks, a magnificent view.  
Clear skin, delicate waist and that perfect body.

From the back, he looks almost like a girl. So beautiful that I can’t take my eyes off.  
Until he wraps towel around and disappears behind the door.

I just notice he’s never unpacked his belongings out of the bag.  
Like he’s always ready to go out, ready to leave. And that’s irritating.

So I walk up to the bag and unzip, throwing all things out on the floor. There are clothes, not many, and just a few other things.  
After I toss the bag away, I grab my phone and lay down again.

This time he brings his clothes into the bathroom, I guess he’s learned from when I told him not to get dressed.

When he gets out, eyes widen seeing what I have done.  
“You mess up my belongings?”  
“Nope.”

…  
Jinyoung doesn’t continue the questions but instead gets down start picking up the mess.

“Put them into the closet.” I command and he returns me his usual stupid face.  
I didn’t repeat but he’s not too dumb, not like his face. So those clothes go into the closet just as I said.

Well, I hope he realizes he’s not be going anywhere soon.

It’s Saturday, a day off with me who haven’t got a plan. Those friends must still be drunk from the alcohol and drugs.  
Those things didn’t go into my system as much as them since I had to drive.  
Well, I wouldn’t leave Jinyoung there overnight for sure.

It’s a weird Saturday morning, not what I’m used to. Normally I would just have breakfast and be doing activities with some girls.  
But it’s Jinyoung here today.

 

“Do you have anything you want to do?” Being out of idea, I turn to ask Jinyoung for one.  
He glances at me while still busy with the closet.  
“Want to get a part-time job.” He says, to my confusion.

“Why?”  
“To earn some money/”  
Shortly he answered, I shrug and start fidgeting with my trousers left on the floor. Found my wallet and toss it right at his back.

“Ouch!” He exclaims and picks it up.

“There it is, the money you want.” I say in my usual monotone. Jinyoung sighs back.  
“Take them. And don’t get a job.” I command again.

There’s no way I would let him out there, give him a chance to live by himself.  
It’s better leaving him this way, getting the money from me easily when he just services and obeys.  
Let him be like this to the point he doesn’t know how to survive without me, it’s better this way.

“All of this?” He opens the wallet and takes out all the notes.  
The amount I don’t remember how much there is.

But I nod anyway.  
He shoots back an unbelieve face, but put all of them into his bag anyway.  
While doing that, he glances at me several times to ensure that I’m not pissed.

“Are you very rich?”  
“Yep.”  
He’s mortified. I’d say I’m a little pissed that he looks softer to me when he’s paid.  
If I’m just a little bit poorer or stingier that this, 

Would I get those hugs? Those smiles?  
Those gentle carings?  
Or to him, this is just a business.

And when I’m pissed, reliefs are needed.  
Sitting back on the bed, I part my legs slightly while looking straight at him.  
“You’re paid, so let’s get to work.” I command. Biting down on his own lips, he steps closer to me, knowing he has no choice.  
…  
..  
Softly he goes, moving on every sensitive spots that triggers pleasure through my nerves.  
These actions confirm the fact that he is willing to service me better with more budgets.

And it means there is only business between us.

 

Looking downwards, I see him concentrating with the task.  
His soft lips cover on, wet tongue entangles.

All the sensation nearly make me lose my breath. Jinyoung’s sure a quick-learner.

 

It doesn’t take long until white came into my visions.  
He swallows it all without any command, no resistance. That makes me wonder about the price he sets for himself.  
The amount I just paid, would it be enough for a few days or just this once?

 

It’s so strange. After all that foreplay, I don’t feel any urge to continue.  
The fact that he’s no difference from all the girls I hated, it pissed me off.  
Selling their own body for money.

 

“Go cook.” I drop the last word before getting up for shower.

If he wants to escape, now is the chance.  
In this mood of mine, I also want him to go away.  
The feeling of disgust for those girls, including my Mother, now lays upon him.  
I hope the hatred is enough for me to not linger about him anymore.

 

You’ve got the money.  
Go away.

 

 

But Jinyoung is a lot dumber than I thought.  
When I’m out from the shower, the first vision is him in the kitchen, cooking.  
With my arms crossed, I lean back to the wall and look at him.

“Come taste it.” He calls out. I’m startled knowing he’s aware of me staring at him.  
Walking up behind him, making him a shield between my body and the heat of the cooker, Jinyoung dips the spoon into cream soup and blows it a few times before hand it over to me.

 

After a sip, with Jinyoung staring at me, anticipating, I say.  
“Bland.”

The scenario kinda looks like we’re in a movie.  
He nods and turns his interest away from me.  
His thin back and neck faces my gaze.

Suddenly, I have an urge to hug him, and it’s irresistible.

Moving nearer, my arms loop around his waist and a soft kiss plants on his neck.  
The last thing I do is putting my chin on his shoulder.

Jinyoung freezes at the movement.

 

“W...What are you doing?” His voice tremblingly asks.  
And I have no answer for him, nor to myself. It’s just I can’t resist.  
Well, I already paid him, so I believe I have the rights to.

He’s mortified and after judging I won’t be releasing him, he turns back to cooking like that.  
I watch his every movement, hands disappearing under his shirts, touching his milky skin with its heat slightly rises up.

“Let me go for a sec.” He hesitantly whispers since our faces are so close.

As he pleads, I let go. He picks out some plates and bowls for the meal and set up the table.  
We sit down having the meal. I’ll admit I like his cooking. No, it’s not as delicious as the five-star hotel meal.  
But it’s different, special.

 

I don’t know why, but I like it more.

“Do you have anything you want to do?” I ask him again and he returns me with his usual stupid face for the third time of today.  
“Actually, I’ve never done other things than having sex on holiday. We do get some free time here, so wanna try something else?” I explain why do I need his opinion since I’m really out of idea.  
“Oh, I would like to visit a bookstore.”

So it’s settled.

 

Jinyoung suggests going to the bookstore located just around the corner but I decide to take him to the larger one.  
So that there is more books, multi-language ones, just in case he enjoys reading Korean ones more.

 

All I do is just following him since I’m not interested in books.  
Opposite from me, he seems to enjoy the bookstore so much. It’s like he’s in another dimension.  
Well, with no other humans in his world.

 

It doesn’t take long before I feel bored, so I walk through the shelves , picking up some cookbooks for Jinyoung. His reaction looks more excited than when he sees the money this morning.

It’s so genuine, so bright that I can’t help but smile too.

“I’m going to Korean book Zone. Would you like to wait here?” He asks me, suggesting a cafe is nearby while Korean books are at the third floor.  
So I shake my head.  
“I’ll wait here just a little while then.”  
No use going with him since I can’t read Korean.

 

I order a cup of coffee and click on my phone while waiting.  
Coffee is drained. An hour passes.  
And there is still no sign of him.

 

It’s far too long, to the point I’m worried.  
Has he escaped? Since this department store has the gate through subway station.

 

I place the money and run up to the third floor, the international book zone.  
Searching through every shelves, my steps become quicker every seconds.

 

And when he’s in my sight, I’m petrified by the view.  
Jinyoung is smiling brightly, hands in hands with another men who also seems to be Korean. All I can do is looking from the far distance.  
He laughs wholeheartedly, the way he never did before me.  
He walks into that tall body, nuzzles against him by his own will.  
That man tightens the hug and Jinyoung do the same gentle stroke on the back, mimicking what he’s done for me.

 

Flames suddenly burst in my heart.  
I bring him to this bookstore, the purpose is not for him to look for the new customers.  
Those smiles, those hugs.

It’s too much.  
They’re not the things I would share with anyone else.

 

[Jinyoung’s POV]

I walked up to the third floor, international book zone.

It’s been a good day so far.  
Maybe Mark’s still thinking about what happened last night.  
So today he’s been nice to me.  
And also gave me a good amount of money.

Actually it’s too much.

I choose to come to the bookstore because I’m a bookworm.  
The moment Mark puts those cookbooks into my hands, I don’t know why I felt delighted.  
Maybe because I won’t have to think about the menu anymore, since I’m afraid he might be bored of them soon.

 

There was a book, a bestseller in Korean. It was a popular one, so popular that it sold out before I got enough money.  
And it’s available here, up above the shelf. I’m on my tiptoe trying to reach for it when suddenly there is a hand reaching from the back, picking it out for me.  
Turning back, I thank him for the favor.

Who would have predicted this? We both stare at each other in surprise.

“Shownu Hyung! / Jinyoung!” I smile brightly and jump into the hug.  
Shownu hyung hugs me back, laughing.  
The next thing we do is telling each other of the past time, about what happened the whole month.  
I told him exactly everything, nothing to be shy of anyway. And it turns out he teases me for getting a husband instead of a wife.  
Unconciously, I’ve been holding his hands tightly since I feel like I want a shelter.

Shownu hyung tells his address to me, not far from subway station and it’s around this area.  
That means if Mark ever did any horrible things to me again, I can stay over with Shownu Hyung any time.

 

“Would you like to escape right now?” He asks and I chuckle.  
“Waiting for the money to be enough for Jimin.” I tell him and he nods in acknowledgement, pulling me into a hug.  
“I’m sorry, for putting you through this thing.”  
“It’s OK, hrung. 5 weeks left and I’m out.” I reassure as I throw my arms around him, a reassurring hug.

Somehow it feels familiar and warm in his hug.

“A new customer?” I startle at the voice, cold and sharp.  
Another pair of hands grab me on the waist, nearly crushing me against his body. He seems like he wants to claim me as his own.  
And last night he left me in his friend’s arms.  
Yet now he’s angry because of one friendly hug.

Yeah, he’s one weird person.

“See you again, Jinyoung.” Shownu hyung doesn’t answer Mark’s curiosity, instead he flashes me a smile and pats my head lightly.  
I’m weak to this kind of things regardless of who’s doing it, so my reaction is a bright smile.  
And regret it when the arms around me tighten.

 

I am released when Shownu hyung walks away, the good feelings still linger.  
“Let’s pay for the books.” I say and lead Mark to the cashier. He’s silent all the way.  
It turns out he’s the one not speaking to me. Like I would be bothered, I have all the books as my friends.

When we arrive at home, the pissed one snatches all the books away from my hands and throws them on the floor.

“Hey! What’s the matter with you all of a sudden?”  
“Who’s that!!” He yells at me, angry.  
“A friend.” I don’t know what to explain.

 

“A friend? What kind of friend? Just a normal chit-chat friend or the one you chat with tongue on his?” He starts bashing me without any reasons, shouting, enraged.  
I have to clench down hard on my jaw, face flushed.

Why does this happen again?  
Every time I can look at him thinking he’s also a good man, he’ll destroy the idea in no time.  
Well, lesson learned, I will not be looking for a good man in Mark again.

 

“A very good friend. He’s good, completely different from a good-for-nothing like you “  
Harsh words escape my lips, insulting him by this topic will probably hurt his pride as an experienced playboy.

The good thing is I win over him by words.  
But not by actions,

I start regret as soon as I realize that fact.

 

“A good-for-nothing, huh?”  
“Did you think it’s that difficult to do it with you, Jinyoung?” He takes off his shirt.  
Realized I have made a huge mistake, I gulp down hard. It’s no use apologizing right now.

 

As I stay silent, he walks towards me, forcing me onto the bed.  
Danger is creeping near, that’s all my brain is screaming.

“Mark…” I plead, trying to stop him but I cannot think of any other words with him naked here over me.  
My instinct tells my to back away until I hit the headboard. Mark follows, hovering upon me.  
His knee puts his weight onto my thigh, not care how that would hurt me.  
I squirm, trying to get free. But all it does is letting Mark grabs and pulls off my shirt easily.

Followed by what’s left on my body.

 

So now I’m also naked, like he is. The only difference is Mark’s strong and confident in every movement when I’m trembling from head to toe.

“Mark, I’m sorry. Please don’t do this.” Holding up to honour won’t help in this situation so I decide to throw it away and beg.  
Because I realize Mark is angry, really angry this time.

He doesn’t even listening to that.

Pinning both of my wrists to the bed,  
He reached for the lubricant and spread it over his own hand.  
I startle when his slick fingers touch at the sensitive area, slowly forcing in.

“Am I doing it right?” He whispers coldly, his voice’s deep in threatening tone.  
“It hurts...Mark.” I try to breath, tear springs up the corner of my eyes with fear.  
“Don’t rush. We’ll continue soon.”

…  
“Ah, no..” My voice is lost when his hardon pushes in.  
Only halfway though, that’s all he can reach right now.

He’s practically forcing it in with the lubricant’s help.

My mouth gapes open, voiceless. My body feels like it’s been tear in two pieces.  
Tears’ rolling down on my cheeks.

It hurts so much, like I can be killed with the sensation.  
“Relax.” He whispers into my ears, lowering his face to my chest, teasing another of the sensitive area.  
His hand reaches for my core in attempt of getting the mood up and it works, since it’s the imprinted instinct anyway.

Right when I’m distracted, he pushes all the way in. I gag at the sensation.  
All the heat that is burning on my body, I feel the throbbing pulse within me.

“Mark.” I plead, eyes that meets his reflecting tiredness and defeat.  
I hope he would see my helplessness, hope he would show some mercy.  
But all that I get back is his moans, he’s pressing in and drawing out to his own rhythm, lost in lust.

I shut down my eyes, letting go of all the pride and let the tears fall.  
The pain seems to go on and on, endlessly.  
Whenever the sound of Mark’s satisfying groan gets through my ears, my heart feels like breaking.  
I hate myself so much, hate this tainted, filthy body.

Breathless pants. Creaking sounds of the bed. Filthy sounds match with the rhythm.  
And low moans reflect satisfaction, it’s no difference from when he’s sleeping with other prostitutes.

At some point,  
I feel I’m worthless.

Even my body responds with the touch,  
My mind is lost in its own world.

“Open your eyes. Look at me.” He commands.  
Those lustful eyes stare straight into my bones.  
Satisfying smile, the winner’s face.  
He wants me to look at his emotions while he’s the winner of this game of pleasure.  
All of that combines into my hatred for him.

 

He climaxes inside me, the heat flushes through and I suddenly realize the fact that he’s not wearing any condom.

If I’m unlucky, he might be transmitting some diseases to me since he’s so multi-partnered.  
He must do this intentionally since I’m a man and won’t get pregnant anyway.

“Get off when you’re done.” I say to him.  
Mark’s still trying to catch his breath, he nuzzles at my chest and presses a kiss there. Pushing himself up, he breathes in my scent at my neck.  
That’s when I feel something that’s still inside we hardens again.

Knowing what will happen next, I close my eyes in total defeat.

 

I already know my own fate.  
Not just for today. But for the next 5 weeks.

 

Shownu hyung, please help me.  
Please rescue me.

Can I stay in your place?

‘Shownu hyung….’

 

Maybe my thoughts are too loud.  
The words that escape my mouth while Mark’s hovering upon me is Shownu hyung’s name.  
He suddenly stops, looking into my eyes.

 

“Look at me, even if you’re dying, don’t close your eyes.  
And the only word you can say is my name.” He growls, repeating the rough touches over and over again.

At the first round, I feel like a prostitute.  
At the second, I feel like a tool for sexual desire.  
Next, I just feel like I’m a sacrifice to a satan.  
Later, I don’t feel anything while landing my gaze on Mark.  
Don’t feel the touches, even they’re getting rougher or softer.  
Don’t know how much time’s passed.

 

All I register is Mark’s breathes, his moans in pleasure while doing it with some lifeless mannequin like me.  
He looks like he’s in ecstasy.

It hurts.  
So much that it’s become numb.  
And I’m sure if he’s not stopping soon,  
I might stop breathing for real.


	7. Pay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Mark’s POV]

My gaze lands on the man lying before me. He looks so gorgeous and peaceful.  
The moment I claim him as mine I felt like I was drawn into another world.  
Another dimension that there is no boundaries or evils.

Timeless.  
The world suddenly stops for a moment.  
The only thing in my eyes is...Jinyoung.

 

I would like to get up, get off the house and party all night long.  
Leaving Jinyoung as he is, he would probably wake up when I’m back.  
Resting all day, he would gain enough strength for me to devour him again.

But...I don’t feel like doing so.

Laying down besides his unconcious body,  
I didn’t care if he would be cold but just let his body exposed to the air, the body I’ve mark red bruises all over.  
Some was forced onto him.  
Some was from all the squirms he did.

 

The way he’s asleep right now shows his defeat.

 

I do nothing but just looking at him.

Just looking, that’s all.

….  
..  
..

 

It’s true that I’m his first man.  
And I know what I did must hurt.  
But I can’t deny that I felt good, best, like I’ve never felt before.  
Even the top-class girls that I’ve aimed for, and spent some weeks chasing, persuading them to come with me, when I really did get a chance to lay my hand upon them, I didn’t feel so good.  
Those temporary physical pleasure can’t be compared to what I’ve achieved last night.

 

Why?

Gently, my fingers graze upon his back, soft skin.  
Is it because of his body, so frail, so perfect?  
Is it because of his reactions, innocent and pure?  
Or is it because of his resistance, the way he refused me? Or is it those pain reflected in his eyes?  
Those embarrassment, exposed unintentionally, when things heated up last night.

 

My lips curl up into a smile.  
Gently, my warm hand holds his.

He dared holding others’ hand.  
He dared hugging others.  
He dared looking down at me.

…  
At some point, he deserves this punishment.

 

I decide to shut my eyes. It’s been a long and tiring day.

Slowly, I shift myself closer to him, throwing my arms around his spent body.  
He’s so fragile, so broken. Yet I’m afraid when he wakes up he’ll try to run away.

That thought set the dark demand up in my mind.  
The demand to hold him tightly, doesn’t matter if he’s suffocating, doesn’t matter if he’s suffering.  
The only thing matters is he’s mine and mine alone, forever.

 

…

My eyes flutter open when a series of weak coughs is heard.  
Jinyoung is still unconscious, sweats’ pouring like a waterfall.  
His lips that were red are now so pale, so dry and the radiating heat wave from his body is so hot that I’m starting to worry.

He’s not the first Match that greets the morning with fever.  
Normally I would do nothing, leaving them rest for a day or two so they can recover.  
Then continue the torture until they’re all messed up.

Toned arms push myself upright, determining to do the same to Jinyoung.

But there is something, something inside me makes me uncomfortable.  
I’m not able to abandon Jinyoung.

He’s unconscious, haven’t been fed for hours, not even a sip of water has passed into his system.  
What should I do?

Seeing the doctor is out of choice.  
Bruises and marks on his body is not just extreme sexual preference but rape.

Another thing is, he’s too precious, too important to let any other see or touch him.  
Who on earth would not fall for him, with this beautiful features, no way.

So, first of all, I should clean him up.  
Gently, I take Jinyoung to the bathroom. Putting him in the bathtub and pour in some warm water.

Of course, I won’t forget to use his usual soap, the scent I like.

To my own surprised, when he frown just a little, my hands instinctively become more gentle while cleaning him up.

Maybe I really did go over the line this time, judging from the stage he’s in.  
To the point I’m worried about him.

After all is done, I take him out of the shower back to the bed.  
Wrapping him up in just a towel, he’s shivering from the air and his own fever.  
All I can figured out is taking out some of my warm winter coat and put them onto him, top up with the blanket.

Taking out my phone, I order some soups, the same one I often called for when I’m sick, and prepare some medications.  
But he doesn’t wake up for any food or drinks.  
I really have no one to consult this with.  
...  
Except perhaps…

‘Jackson’

..  
Of course, I would never call him here, especially not when Jinyoung is unconscious and won’t be able to resist anything forced onto him.  
And it’s Jackson, the one who have had a taste of the sweetness of his skin.  
But texting for some advices, I can allow it.

 

Jackson’s advices are, first of all, waking him up for meals; in worst cases, at least makes hi drink some water.  
Next is let him rest and ‘observe’ his conditions. When he regains consciousness, make him eat well.

Jackson is indeed not a doctor.  
All he know is from his own experience with Bambam.

 

He’s no difference than me. Whatever he wants, he never gives up.  
Once he’s got his hand on, he’s not stopping even if his partner is in this bad shape.

...  
That’s right. Even when Jinyoung lost consciousness last night, I didn’t stop.  
His body did give me satisfactions even he’s not responding anything.  
The only thing I missed is, I’ve got no idea his body is so fragile.

One last thing Jackson told me over the phone is for me to be more careful.  
If I went overboard, there was a case on the news which says the partner could die from colon rupture and sepsis.  
That added up onto my burden, after all I already went rough with him.

 

I didn’t mean to hurt him that much. I still want him to wake up, look at me with those black orbs, talk to me, hug me, hold my hand, kiss me and share the radiating warmth on my bed.  
I long for his usual routine.

Moreover, I don’t want to be a murderer.

 

Patting on his cheeks lightly in attempt to wake him up, Jinyoung responds by a frown and panting breath, still unconscious.

 

So I try to feed him some soup and some water, by spoon.  
My whole life, I’ve never got a chance to take care of anyone like this. But in Jinyoung’s case, he doesn’t seem to be able to help himself and if I ignore him, he’ll die.

Well, I hope this is enough for him to recover.  
Without disturbing him further, I let him sleep some more.  
…  
…  
3 Days.  
It’s been that period of time that he’s not regaining consciousness.  
And it’s so strange that I don’t want to torture him anymore.

It has become my routine that, I’ll go out for work as usual and then rush back home afterwards to check up on him.  
Well, this routine is something new for me.

When I’m just a kid, every time I get sick, no matter it’s just a cold or something more serious,  
I’ll just be taken to hospital.  
All the care I’ve ever got is just service, by duty and money.  
There was no one visiting me, no one to look after me over night or worry about me.

So I’m not familiar with this kind of situation.  
I’m completely lost of what I should do.  
Google has become my supervisor and I do everything according to what I found and think.

 

Yet I’m anticipating.  
The feeling is like when you’re doing scientific experiment.  
I feel satisfied when Jinyoung’s fever come down, no more sweating or breathless pants.  
His lips are not so pale anymore.

My own lips can’t help but curls up into a smile.  
The first thing I do when I arrive home is placing my palm onto his forehead, checking his body temperature.  
I had fun when I went out to the pharmacy for some medicine and regimens for unconscious patients.

This is a brand new experience for me.  
However, it doesn’t seem like he’ll wake up.

“Quickly wake up, before I’ll get bored and throw you out.” I whispered and left a kiss at his temple, still a little bit hot from the illness.

Laying down besides Jinyoung, I pull him closer into my arms.

Don’t misunderstand. What I’m doing right now is not that I care for him or anything.  
Jinyoung is just something new in my life, an experience I’ve never met before.

He’s like a new toy, a game to play and win, a new taste to life that surprisingly I do like.  
That’s all.

I’m satisfied when the regimens I’ve tried on him work. Feel happy when he’s eating more soups that yesterday, when the fever came down. It means my victory.

He’s just a tool, a lab rat that becomes my favourite toy. That’s all.

 

This whole week I haven’t got a chance to have sex with him.  
And there’s only 4 weeks left.

One whole week that I’m not doing anything to him.  
No bed activities. Yet there’s no desire about release at all.  
A strange thing for me though.

 

It has been one whole week that I’m taking care of him, feeding and changing clothes.

That thought structs me hard that I sit up, thoughts wandering in my head.  
It’s strange. Strange thoughts leads to strange actings.

Why do I keep counting down the remaining days?  
While I did that, there is a voice deep inside that says I didn’t want it to end.  
Instead of being happy that Jane’s contract is dued and I’ll get a new girl on my bed.

Well, I guess that’s not too much of a surprise.

Jinyoung is pure, gentle and also beautiful.  
Apart from the fact that he’s a man, he’s far better than those Matches.

The only thing I start to worry is about this feeling.  
Because it’ll make the situation harder for me, when I have to let go.

But I can’t resist my own feeling, it’s just started out of nowhere and I don’t know how to deal with it.  
Laying back down, I sigh and pull Jinyoung back into my arms. Familiar scents radiate around us and here I go again, wishing for him to wake up and hug me back like he used to.

…  
4 weeks  
...  
Until that time comes.

 

What do I need to do about this? How can I make the memory of him fade away easily like the pictures of other girls that I didn’t even remember their faces or names?

If I let him go, he’ll be match with other dealers.  
And I didn’t take care of him so that others could get a hold of him.

My hug tightens around him when that thought comes up in my head.

 

Is there no other ways? Do I really need to let him go to others, to hug them, kiss them, cook for them and satisfy them like he did for me?

 

There is only 4 weeks left before that thing happened.

 

 

 

Worried, I bite down on my own lips.

Maybe it’s my habits. There wasn’t once that I didn’t get what I wanted.  
So an idea suddenly comes up,

What if I don’t let him go?  
…  
Make him stay here like he is now.  
When I’m finally tired of him, I’ll just dump him off.  
Just make him stay with me until I’m bored, marriage would do that.  
When I’m done, I’ll just divorce him and resign the contract with the Matchmaker service for a new Match.

 

…  
That’s it.  
Marriage can be used in my benefits.  
It’s not so hard thinking of the way out of this mess.

I exhale sharply, relieved.  
Knowing that I don’t have to worry about the weeks that’s left until the deadline.

 

Rest well, Jinyoung.  
You’ll be staying with me for now.

After all that messy thoughts, I’ve finally come to a conclusion.

I’ll marry Jinyoung until I’m bored.

He would be dump. He would be ignore and I’m not going to stop with him.  
For me, marriage is not a cage.

 

It is just a contract, signed in my convenience to keep Jinyoung here/  
This marriage is not out of love, not a signal that I would stop and settle.

But I’m not telling him as soon as he wakes up.  
When he thinks he’ll be free, that is the time I’ll spill this truth to him.  
He would pout like a kid being bullied but he would have no choice.  
Or would he feel happy in the thought of having inherited half of my fortune?

Anger slowly urges up.  
Why does this feeling come up every time money is involved about Jinyoung?  
Never mind.  
Since the beginning, between us, there is only business deal anyway.  
He sells his own body. I’m his customer.  
Contract is signed in order to legalize the deal.

That’s all.

 

[Jinyoung’s POV]

Ugh…

It’s not so pleasant waking up finding my whole body’s aching.  
And even worse while getting up.

Looking around, I realize Mark isn’t here.  
I have no idea how long have I blanked out, altering between conscious and unconscious.

Until my gaze lands on the digital clock hanging on the wall, the date stated there freezes me.

It’s been a week…

It’s quite a miracle that I’m alive right now though.  
A few things remained in my memory, they are when I woke up for toilet and having meals. That, I remember vaguely.  
But it still surprises me to learn that it’s been a week.  
And that idea does comfort me, to the point I’m smiling, that I only have 4 weeks left in this hell.

Just one month.

 

…  
Mark must be out sleeping with other girls like usual.  
Because I’m out for a week.

Well, it’s his business. Besides, I’m practically starving right now.

Getting off the bed is harder than expected when the ache become worse.  
Pulling a bottle of fresh water from the fridge refreshes my energy a bit but also gives me brain freezes. It’s my habit to drink cold water anyway.  
It’s so refreshing.

 

The next thing I do is looking around for medicine, but instead found it prepared on the table besides the bed.  
Antipyretics and antibiotics, they are. So I gulp a capsule down.  
Next, is cooking. I’ve never been this ill my whole life.  
But it’s better now, just slight fever, a bit irritating but bearable. Actually, when I was ill, I didn’t stop working.  
So I’m used to working, even when my body may want to refuse to do so.

 

However, I’m not the man of steel. Thus, my hands are shaking as the effect of past serious illness. My energy is barely enough for stirring up a bowl of simple porridge, an egg and some vegetables in.

I get into shower when all’s done. Take the medication and go back to sleep, out of energy to even do the dishes.

 

Dropping back into bed, I suddenly hear the door clicking. Hurriedly, I shut my eyes pretending to be asleep.

A cold hand touches gently on my forehead, soft touch, but to me, it’s disgusting.

 

The footsteps are walking away before they stop.

“Jinyoung? Jinyoung!?! You’re awake! Jinyoung!! Jinyoung!!!!!!” Voice comes first then hands after, shaking at my shoulders and padding on my cheek.

“Hurts” I answer in hoarse voice, deprived because of the fever, and open up my eyes.  
To be startled, by the big smile printed on Mark’s face.

I won’t be fooled by it again. Whenever he snaps, whenever his desire takes over, he simply turns into a satan.

It’s just another devil, wearing the beautiful face of a sculpture.  
What a waste of his looks, inside, he’s just one mere bad guy.

 

“I... want to rest.” That’s all I mutter out. Mark smiles at me again and back off into his shower, didn’t annoy me further.

I’ll admit it’s not what I expected. But I’m cut of my thoughts again drifting back to sleep.

 

 

The next day my fever is completely gone. My body is back to its normal shape that I can’t fake being sick anymore.  
I’m sitting on the sofa, calculating in my head. Feeling pissed when I realize I’m not earning any when I’m ill.

 

“Cook this for me.” Mark points at a recipe on the book he bought me before all the fuss happened.  
I take a glance at it before frowning. Not one ingredient existed in the fridge.

“Can’t. No ingredients’ available.”  
“Then go buy it.” He commands. I nod and reaching out a hand at his direction.  
“Money.”

It’s the second time he handed my his wallet, not just a note or two. I catch it and get up.

“Where’re you going?”  
“Shopping.”  
“I’ll come with you.”  
“Fine.”

 

Having no intention to reject his statement, here we are at the supermarket with Mark pulling the shopping cart after me.  
He says about buying a lot this one time.

He also brings the cookbook, turning page to page so we know what to grab.

 

This is the biggest shopping in my life. Never had I can effort so much. And the fact that I’m not the one paying rises my mood a bit.  
But it doesn’t make me impressed on Mark. If this happens before he rapes me, maybe I’ll think he’s generous.  
Now, he is just a rich man, thinking money can buy anything.  
And one selfish man, never care about someone else’s feeling other than his own greed.

 

I’m here shopping because he wants to eat those menus.

That’s all.

 

The bill makes my face pale but Mark doesn’t even budged.  
So I didn’t say a word.

Back at the house, I cook as he orders. Feeling a bit glad that Mark doesn’t come near me, not even a touch.  
But I’m still afraid of him anyway.

The memory is painful, cruel and agonizing. There wasn’t one second that any pleasure takes over.

My random guess is that he went out sleeping with a number of girls, enough to sate his hunger for a while.  
And that benefits my safety, for now.

I cook that first thing he said he wants to. Mark stares at me the whole time without saying a word.  
I pretend to be busy with the cooking, not talking to him so I won’t accidentally provoke his anger again.

“Have you recovered?” He asks. I stiffen at the question.

 

Now I don’t want to be back to normal. But I’m a shitty liar.  
No use lying to him since it would be obvious.  
So I tell the truth, nodding.

He didn’t continue the conversation. I pick up the dishes when we finished. Mark is in the shower and when he’s out, I go in for shower.  
When I’m done, the door opens to the view of Mark lying on the bed, naked as usual.

My stomach stirs. Fear flushes my whole body, the terrifying experience is still haunting.  
All I can do is calm myself down. It’s OK. He just has the habit of sleeping naked.

I step up onto the bed, laying myself down at the border, a few millimetres away from falling down. But I can feel Mark’s eyes locked on me.  
“Is your...that place...does it still ache?” He asks and I sharply flip to face him.  
“Yes.” This one is not a lie. He just shrugs and shifts closer to me.  
I shut my eyes tight, shaking by instinct and fists clutch on the bedsheets with absolute fear.

 

“Hug me.” He commands.

My eyes flutter open to take a look at his face, stone cold poker face of him.  
I nod and wrap my arms around him.  
Automatically, I pat his back, his head, gently as usual. The only difference is I’m shivering, in fear, and it’s uncontrollable.

 

“What’s the matter?” He asks softly, with the voice so gentle as he never was.  
But that won’t fool me.

“Nothing.” I lied, voice shaking from the traumatic memory.

Even I am the one who wrapped my arms around him, the one allowing this posture, I am not in control. I’m forced to submit to his command.  
And it’s difference now when he’s already destroyed my trust, destroyed my empathy, destroyed any good feelings I had towards his so little kindness.

The only thing that bounds me here is the contract.

Mark kisses the side of my neck, nuzzles his nose into my bare skin, gently at first and it turns into a demanding touch.  
I froze completely, tears welling up at the fact that I’m nothing more than a tool for his release.

If he’s going with it,  
I would not be able to refuse, no choice for me.

But...there’s one thing I can do, one advantage I can take.

 

“Mark.”

“Hmm.”

 

“If you wish to sleep with me, you need to pay.” I push him off by his shoulders, eyes locking with his dark orbs showing I really meant every words I said.  
In that moment, the looks in his eyes completely change from gentle eyes to the dark, cruel ones which are exactly the same as when he was a satan.

“Pardon.”

 

“You said I’m selling my own body. Here I am, if you want to have me, then pay.” Stating the matter of fact, I stare at him.

 

From the start, he looks down on me first, stigmatizing me as a prostitute.  
So I will be it for him.

…  
My wish was to try living with him, trying to sort if two person is compatible for marriage.  
To care for each other.

Mark is the one that destroyed that intention. All is vain now.  
He only knows buying and getting, not giving and taking.

So I will let him buy all he wants.

 

From now on, I will be whatever he wants me to.  
On a reasonable price.

 

“Very well then, I’m paying for your service. So make it worths, not just lying there soulless like the last time.” Voice as cold as ice, he replies.  
I feel myself gulping but I am the one who stated it. And that, is the responsibility I’ll have to bear on.

I push myself up from bed, stripped myself naked. He glares at me with the eyes that is exactly the same as that worst day.  
The only difference is he’s as quiet as a statue, not angrily shouting at me.

He is as cold as ice, impassible, heartless. I shift for the table besides the bed, grabbing lube  
And also condoms, he had been sleeping with multiple partners and that, for me, is dirty. It’s too risky for me to trust that he is clean.  
When I was ill, he must still go out doing those.

My hands lift up at his crotch, teasing and nudging him up for what’s coming.  
And put on the condom.

Falling onto my back, knees bend and legs start spreading, slowly.  
My face blushes with shame but I keep telling myself this is for money, to compensate what is lost for the week that I’m ill.  
There’s only 4 weeks left and I can’t be patient.  
I could terminate the contract, end all this suffering if I can earned enough from Mark.

There won’t be a risk that I will need to put my own body on sale, throwing away my pride for other people.  
Mark will be the only failure in my life, a lesson I’ve learned.

 

Mark presses himself against me, arms tighten around me.  
The first place he touches me is on my lips.

I pause when he kisses me, passionately with tongue in, before he pushes his way in.  
But I’m not backing out, I kiss him back equally, hands touching his back like I’m actually enjoying this sex.  
Voice cracks from my lips, body arching like I’m in pleasure receiving his every touches.

 

Because he buys, and I sell.

 

4 weeks.

I will collect enough money for Jimin’s scholarship entering fee.  
Then terminate the contract and live in Shownu hyung’s place.

 

May be getting a job here is not a bad idea, the currency is bigger than Korean’s.  
I will save enough to set myself up a small business back in Korea, maybe a small shop or restaurant.

 

I had plans.  
All I need is some money, and I will earn here until it’s enough.

 

Mark pants at the pleasure he gets, lustful movement renders deep moans. The lustful sounds from both of us fill the silence of the room. My body reacts but insides it’s disgusting.  
But I have given up all my pride and dignity.

People usually said dignity can’t be render of a man.  
I’ve proven it wrong, here I am exchanging my dignity for money, a large amount of money.

 

When my body adjusts, pain turns into something else closer to ecstasy, so this is what he’s addicted to.  
Sexual desire. Lust.

It’s not just acting, I didn’t pretend to enjoy having sex.  
The pleasure, the satisfaction, they are all real.

Mark seems very pleased with this merchandise.

 

That’s great. Mark, he is the only one who is foolish enough to pay for such a worthless thing with this large amount of money.

4 weeks...and I will be free.  
4 weeks...I surrender all my pride for money.  
4 weeks...I will let myself be shameless, selling my body like a prostitute.

 

It’s going to be okay, just..endure a bit more.


	8. Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m too emotional. To be honest, I finished this chapter with tears in my eyes.
> 
> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Jinyoung’s POV]

Late in the night, Mark is asleep after our trade.

I drop myself into the bath.  
Sinking in slowly until my lungs are burning, and then comes off the surface again.

 

To remind myself, that the suffering of incoming death is more painful than the pain I’m facing.  
To remind myself, that I need to endure this.

 

Absent-mindedly, I let my eyes wander unfocused.

My hands do their work running over my torso tainted with bruises, marked by Mark’s lips.  
No matter how hard I tried to clean it off, it would never fade away.  
Because it’s marked not on the outside, but this sin is marked in me and I can never change what I had chose.

 

Hours have passed while I just sit there, until I’m sleepy. That drives me to get dressed and take a rest.

I don’t know that Mark has been staying awake, or just wake up when he felt the weight shifted on the bed.  
As soon as I lay down, there is a force pulling me into his chest, With the warmth radiating from his own body.  
His face cuddles against my neck, breaths drape on my bare skin sending shivers up my spine.

But I have no strength left to resist.  
So, with my arms crossed on my chest, staying as still as possible, I force myself into sleep without the usual hug I would hold for him.  
That is how the night passes.

 

I have been trying to ignore him lately, not caring, not feeling anything towards him.  
Assuming all other people doing this kind of job would do the same.  
There is nothing more to give out except sex, body affection and I need nothing other than money in exchange.

 

 

Just like usual.  
I wake up and cook two portions of food, one for myself and one for Mark.  
The difference is I don’t wait for him to eat on the same table anymore. I finish my own, pick up a book to read outside the front door.

The door then open, followed by a cold, commanding voice.

“If you want to read, go inside.”

 

I didn’t argue, just obeyed so that I don’t have to talk to him.  
He sits down and starts his breakfast with me sitting silently reading on the same table.

He finishes the meal and stand up, getting ready to go to work.

“Mark.”  
He turns back at me, raising an eyebrow, questioning.

“Last night’s price.” I stare at him while talking.  
Ashamed, but I didn’t let it slip out in my voice.  
There’s no way I would let him take the liberty off me for free.

 

His face doesn’t even flinch, no emotions show. Only the action, he draws out some banknotes, a lot of them.  
Placing them on the table, he turns and walks away.

I pick them up with an empty heart. Even it’s a large amount, I’ve never got this much before.  
But that reminds me of the exchange of my dignity.

 

So be it.

Here’s the money I need.

 

When Mark’s car leaves the house, I pick up the book.  
Dividing the money I’ve got into ones I have to save, and some for myself to use while I’m here.  
With that done, I go outside.

I stop by the payphone to drop Shownu hyung a call, asking him to meet at the nearby cafe.  
It’s just a few minutes away from subway.

Well, he is the restaurant’s owner’ husband. He surely can take an hour out.  
Shownu hyung agrees. So while I’m waiting, a cup of hot chocolate is ordered to warm myself up.  
The book I brought with does its work killing the time. After a few chapters, Shownu hyung shows up.

 

“Hey there.”

“Hyung.” That’s all I say before I walk into him, swinging my arms around his body still cold from the weather outside.  
…  
There is time when you actually have no one to cry with. Our own brain would command yourself to be tough, stay strong until sometimes you actually forgot how much pain you’re enduring.  
And when there is someone you can rely on, someone you can show your weakness in front of that one person in front of you.  
Everything breaks out, in tears.

 

I hugged him.  
Cried.

No words said except for his name, and the hug that tightened from time to time.  
I let myself off control, sobbing and crying the pain out in the familiar protective touch that I’ve known since I was a child.

Shownu hyung didn’t ask about reasons and I didn’t bother to start storytelling. When I can stop the grief, we talk about other things.

“So, how are you doing?”  
“Ok. There is a problem bothering me lately. My wife, she wants a child but she is above the age to bear her own, so she’s really into adopting a child lately. But I’m not sure I’m in for this idea.”  
Shownu hyung shares his burden with me.  
That makes me smile at the idea. He would be a good dad if it really happens.

 

“Go with it. I can get a job on babysitting for you.” I tease him, getting the familiar feeling of myself back once in a long time.  
I was an extrovert, always smiling and being on the positive side.  
It was the identity that Mark ruined….

 

“If I have no other choices, I guess I can’t resist her.” Taking a sip on his Americano, he frowns and looks blankly into the empty spaces. It really is a big thing to consider though.

For me, just that genuine breakdown crying and spending some time with him heals me inside.  
The thing that happened, the things that were done to me, things I was forced onto, I don’t want Shownu hyung to know more that he has.  
But his burden, I think I could be of a help, a listener at least.

 

“You want a boy or a girl?” I start and he turns back at me on the subject.  
“A boy.” He answers.  
“Really?” I always thought he would like a cute, lovely daughter. Shownu hyung smiles at me knowing what I’m up to.  
“If I have a daughter, I would be so worried and all protective over her. If it is a boy, it’s easier since we can be friends and I can understand him and be closer to him.” His words flows fluently and that reflects he was thinking about having his own child before this conversation.

“You don’t look like a guy who would turn down that idea adopting a child.” The gentle smile that lights up on his face during the conversation clearly reflects what I said.  
“Well, if I would have a child to raise, then it would be better if he is really my flesh and blood, isn’t that right?”  
“How would it possible?...”

 

“Well..Maybe it can happened when I re-married. When that time comes, it’s not important that it is a boy or a girl. He is my flesh and blood anyway.” His answer sends a hollow pain in my heart because that means,  
No matter how good Shownu hyung is to his wife now, it’s clear that it isn’t love and he is always ready to walk away.

 

The case is similar to me and Mark.  
I cannot think of a possibility that the Matchmaker service would found any love in pairs that are matched. It’s merely a business, a contract, that’s all it’s meant.

“But she is indeed rich, she might find a way to have a child with me, a child of our own.” Shownu hyung interrupts my thoughts and I nod, acknowledge the sentence.

“If you are a woman, I would have asked you to bear my child. If the child is a daughter, she will be very beautiful indeed.” Shownu hyung looks into my face saying that, his finger repeatedly poking against my cheek and I laugh at that statement.

 

“I’m lucky I am a man then.”  
……  
If I were a woman, surely I would be pregnant with Mark by now.

 

“Would you like to go for a walk?” Shownu hyung invites and so we are on the street along shops.  
Walking, chatting about old time, times that I was happy and those memory are precious enough to lift my spirits up into smiles and laughters.

I don’t want to go back to the house.

 

There was a second when I took a glance at Shownu hyung’s face. A very selfish thought came up about jumping into his arms, hug him tight and persuade him to escape back to Korea.  
But we both know there will be consequences, and we can’t do that.

 

“You can text me anytime. Staying here alone, I’m lonely all by myself.” I say and Shownu hyung nods.  
“Where do you live? I’ll walk you there.” He offers, but I hesitate about the answer.  
Well, it’s still early. Mark must still be out by now.  
So I let Shownu hyung do as he offers. Along the way, when we see a kid, we would tr to name them.  
Assumed that one day Shownu hyung would really get a chance to raise his own child, what will the name be.

 

Along the way, we laugh to our heart contents.

But it has to end when we stop in front of the gate of Mark’s house.

 

“Wow. He must be very rich.” Shownu hyung looks amazed at the large territory and the luxurious that it holds. I just nod and add up my comment.  
“Yeah. So rich that he has nothing else but his money.”

“Why do you say that?” Shownu hyung says his words with a reprehending tone, but with his face smiling that means he’s not really scolding me.  
My eyes traces up to meet his like a small kid who doesn’t what his brother to leave his side in the first day of school.

Shownu hyung wraps his arms around me and tightens a brief hug.

“Thanks for the day, hyung.”  
“Me too.”  
…

I hugs him, tight enough for our warmth to be shared.

“Shownu hyung.”  
“Hmm?”

…

 

“If there is a day when I cannot bear with this life anymore, can we escape? Together?” I whispered.

Shownu hyung doesn’t reply in words.  
He lifts his hand up onto my head and pat it gently, nodding.

“Before that happens, can you promise me you’ll try your best? Don’t let what we’ve been through go in vain.”

Both of us had the same experience.  
Before we both get the opportunity to walk along the street together, having a cup of coffee in LA.  
We paid a great deal of price, priceless exchange that destiny demands us to pay. Family, relationship. Life. We gave all of those up.  
If we abandon this place we now get to stand on, it means we totally throw everything away. And will have to start anew from lower than nothing.

 

I nod and wave my hand to him for a goodbye when he turns his back and walk away.

 

I’m not too sad because of the fact that we can meet again any time soon.  
May be I could grab a taxi and pay him a visit at his restaurant.

 

But the negative feeling inside me isn’t about parting with him. It is the time, a few hours before my freedom is ripped off me again.  
The time when the owner of this household comes back to his place.

Going back into the house, I do the chores as I should do, cleaning and cooking like I usually did.  
And pick up the book I didn’t have a chance to finish.

 

Boring as my life is, I am satisfied with my way of life.  
Maybe the reason is I have been working days to nights my whole life.

Though there is a difficult time, I feel like it is a rest from that busy life. For the first time in years, it feels like a holiday for me.

 

Mark is back home. With the door clicking, I turn my glance to him for a second, but without words, without even a smile to greet him.  
I don’t feel happy or hatred. It is all gone. Just...nothing more than an indifference feeling.

“Come for dinner.” He calls me but I turn to refuse.  
“I already finished mine.”

He looks stunned at the reply.

“We eat together. From now on.” He says in a commanding tone. Well, it’s a customer’s demand. What power do I have to refuse?

“Come sit and read here.” It’s exactly the same thing he demanded this morning, for me to sit opposite of him and continue my book silently.

You could imply I used the book as a shield from him.  
By reading, I drift away into another world of my own.

 

Mark eats only a little and then stops.

 

He walks into shower without saying anything to me. That’s good. It’s not like I want to talk to him anyway.

The atmosphere changed, a lot. But I guess it’s not unpredictable.  
It’s very normal when you’re staying with someone you ‘hate’.

 

“Jinyoung.” He shouts out of the shower. Silence is the only answer he’s got.

“Jinyoung. Come here.” I sigh when I have to place my book down.  
Don’t know what to expect. But if it involves any kind of sexual demand.  
All of it counts as trading, he buys and I sell.

 

Mark is sitting at the edge of the bathtub, in his shower gown as usual. Entering the bathroom, I cross my arm staring coldly at him, not knowing what to expect.

“We shower together, ok?” That catches me off guard. I stare at him unbelievably at the demand but I am in no position to deny.

 

“Are you going to touch my body or am I going to have to touch yours?” Anybody could tell that is a business-associated question, not just some casual conversation. Mark nods in response, his gesture’s as sure as sayings.  
“Then you’ll have to pay.”

“Yeah.” Shortly he acknowledges our trade. I exhale sharply and strip.  
Shame and embarrassment of exposing myself seems to disappear completely. The fact that he already sees it all makes that shyness long gone.  
He’s not only ‘seen’, but he already touches and marks me all over.

Well, it’s not me but Mark who is blushing red. I guess it’s not from shyness.  
It’s more from his never-ending desire.

 

I sit at another corner of the tub, arms around my knee since this position gives me enough distance from Mark.  
Unexpectedly, he reaches for me and pulls me into his lap.  
Strong, muscular arms surge around my waist and pull me up to him tight, I sit still, not even flinch, not trying to escape like I did.

Whatever he wants to do to me, I pretend I didn’t care.

 

When I don’t resist, Mark doesn’t hurt me.

All he did is hug me, and softly place butterfly kisses on my shoulders.  
And on the bare skin at my neck.

“You put some perfume on didn’t you?” He whispers into my ears while I answer with silence, not even a slight movement made.

No, I didn’t. Maybe it’s Shownu Hyung’s, i hugged him. It must be.

“Ah.” is all I can muster out, lying. Mark splashes some warm water on my skin.  
Softly rubbed there and nudging his nose down there, repeatedly.  
His gestures is so soft, so gentle that some empty places in my chest moves.

 

“Hmm...don’t put it on again, alright?” My guess is all the fragrance is gone when he nestles against my neck, more like a cuddling than a sexual touch.  
Those nudges make me tilted my neck to one side, letting him place those butterfly kisses again and again until he is pleased.

The next thing he do is flip me over so I face him, knee apart on his lap.  
His unsated desire is clear and visible. But he doesn’t rush into any of it.

“Help me bath, please.”

 

However you look at it, this is perfectly a request like those illegal massage parlors where they give the prostitute service.  
He must see me like one, though.

 

But I didn’t bother to resist, I wash him while he just grabbed me by the waist,  
Eyes locked at me doing all the service.  
That’s all. No foreplay. No teasing.

 

All I did is what he commands, no more, no less.

He let me washed him, while he was washing.  
Well, I know he’s out of this world.  
So I’m not surprise at his demand at all.

When we’re done, all I get to wear is a bathrobe, mimicking what Mark always wear.  
Mark insists because he’s ‘lazy of having to strip me again’.

 

 

I’m sitting on the bed, drying his hair.

Just the next few minutes,

We’re back to our trade again.  
Beginning with kisses, hot and passionate.

I lay down on the bed, his strong arms wrap around me gently letting my body drop on the soft mattress.  
Then it happens, tender thrusts yet steady and skillful.

Gentle yet passionate.

There is a big difference, strangely to my thinking.  
His kiss, it’s so soft, so kind, like he’s afraid of hurting me.

All his movements, his slow yet sure actions, they set the natural desire inside me. So much that I can’t deny the satisfaction. Too much that it makes me hate myself.

Each places Mark skillfully touches, they light the fire insides me. I can’t refuse he knows my body far too much.

I response.

Moan.

And beg.

 

Mark’s eyes never leave my face, his straight stare make me escape from meeting his intense, yet warm black orbs.  
He’s smiling, and in his eyes there’s something more than lust shown.  
Those messages, I don’t dare thinking about them.

 

Losing tracks of time, the pleasure continues over the night.  
The difference from what happened before is, it’s not so unbearable, not so agonizing anymore.

 

Or it’s just me, that have lost the ability to ‘feel’.

 

[Mark’s POV]

 

Cute.

 

I think this word suits him.

 

He’s in deep sleep, with me against him, he must be exhausted after what we’ve done.  
He wasn’t resisting, so I didn’t have any reasons to hurt or torture him.

..  
…

Slowly I taste every bits of his skin, its sweetness and softness is so addicting, to the point it’s intoxicating. It’s more and more addicting every second passed.  
It seems like he’s made for me, and me only.

Every kisses I initiated, he returned.  
Every touches I placed, he responsed.  
He leaned into my hands, gave in to the pleasure I controlled.

On the top of that, he’s not faking anything.  
And that idea alone drives me across the edge.

 

I never knew I could gain so much satisfaction by just watching someone’s face.  
Jinyoung’s eyes when he’s lost in lust, I wished for it to last forever.

His gestures when he’s in the control of his own instincts,  
They are what triggered my desire the most, more than anything I’ve experienced.

 

Now, he’s still in dreams. His face has no tears or pain on it.  
All that presented is fatigueness from body exhaustion.

I’m surprised that I didn’t have any desire to have sex with other girls at all.

There is a little corner in my mind that fears I would not be able to sleep with any other girls.  
But of course it’s not that way, I’m just pleased with something new, a change of taste from time to time.

 

I lay down again besides Jinyoung, wrapping my arms around him.  
Tugging him against me into the gesture of protection.  
While I clearly know he doesn’t need any of it, not from ,e/

 

I like him, both his face and his body.  
When I get back home, I’d love him to accompany me.  
When I’m out for work, his image keeps flashing in my head.

Sometimes I would like to command him,  
Every time I’m back at home, he should smile brightly and walk into my arms, saying sweet words to welcome me home.  
Mimicking movie scenes that we all know is for those who are in love.

 

But I’ve got too much pride to command him that, because I know he is the type who would do that on his own if he wants.  
There was the time when he looked happy when I’m back, when he did prepare some juice for me.

It’s strange that those images are crystal clear in my mind.

It changed after the day I force the desire onto him, the thing I’ve stolen from him is not just his virginity.  
But also his gentleness.

Whatever.

...

Actually, his actions today’s worth what I’ve done.

Jinyoung was so inexperienced that he’s careful of where he touched.  
He’s detailed and always gentle.  
So I always tease him in that aspect.

 

A notification on my phone rings, from my secretary, reminded me I have a business party to attend tomorrow.  
It’s a congratulation party for the great performance of our company.

My father will also be there.

I don’t have anything against him, just...I also don’t have anything to do with him.

 

Every year I would take an Asian girl with me just to remind him of his past, his failure to create a complete, warming family.  
It’s not his fault, but he’s also responsible for my rough childhood, for the mother I’ve never had.  
Tomorrow...I will take Jinyoung with me.

…

…

He must be disappointed more than he ever was.  
Maybe he will also feel guilty for not being able to contribute enough for a child that he hates another gender, to the point he takes a man besides him into such a formal party.

It must be fun.

I lay down, closing my eyes. Our bare skins connect, sharing warmth for each other.  
With my sight gone, I nuzzle against his shoulder again, inhaling the most addicting fragrance in my whole life into my sleep.

 

 

…  
….

I wake up earlier than I’ve ever done, calling Jinyoung to wake up and prepare himself.  
I take him to a cloth rental since he’ll need a suit and there isn’t enough time to buy him a custom-made one.

I pick a black suit while Jinyoung’s wearing all white.  
The suit is white and clean with his good-looking face and pale skin. He looks like one of the millionaire’s heir.  
It hugs his body perfectly, especially at his waist, showing his perfect body that I know I would be jealous if anybody stares at him.  
But I also like him in it, so perfect like this.

 

“Where are we going?” He asks nervously, because the last time I take him with me is to the party at my friend’s place.  
It’s the atmosphere he’s never known, danger and daring.

“A business party.” is all I told him.

He nods, not asking anything more than that.

 

..  
…

I take Jinyoung to a sky lounge on one of the skyscrapers in the middle of LA, a nice spot for city view.

Jinyoung looks less tense than he was, a slight smile lights up on his face when he saw the magnificent night view.

He’s in all white. It brings a lot of interest upon him, many people staring included both guys and girls.  
To the point I can’t endure and need to get up from my chair, walking to his side and place my hand on his waist tugging him close.  
That is a sign, that he has an owner. 

“Do you like it?”  
“Yep. Great view.” He answers shortly like he’s the boss, when I’m actually the one who’s paying.  
That idea makes me chuckle lightly. He turns his gaze against me, confused since what he said isn’t amusing at all, but I didn’t bother to explain.

He’s making his usual dumb face at me again.  
And that makes me laugh out loud.

“What is so amusing?” He frowns, lips curl down, clearly displeased. That makes me lose my self-control.  
I reach out to pull him in for a kiss, in the middle of the crowded restaurant, up on the high sky lounge, with people staring at us.

It’s not a deep kiss, I just place a peck on him and back off.  
Jinyoung looks shock, then he’s suddenly blushed and lay his gaze down on the floor.

 

“I don’t want to be here anymore.”  
“But I want to stay a little longer.”

..  
….

I arrive at the business party. It is held at a five-star hotel, another higher grade than the one I take Jinyoung for dinner.  
The fact that I’m the company’s owner’s only son doesn’t make me more important than any other people invited.  
After all, I’m just a branch manager.

Jinyoung looks relieved when he sees what’s the party looks like, a real formal business party.

To me, it’s very boring. People are here to show off their wealth, they boast about themselves and always asking for spotlights.  
And I also need to face my father.

I come because I have to, not because I want to.

 

I take Jinyoung behind me while greeting other people, making my way to fater.

“Hey, you’re not late today huh.” My father greets me. In response, I smile at him.  
“Well, my couple doesn’t have to get his makeup done. Dad, this is Jinyoung. Jinyoung, this is my father.”

“Mark…” Jinyoung grabs my shirt, unsure of what he should do. I turn to glance at him, signaling him to stay still.

He finally smiles at my father, bowing like people in Korea would do when they greet each other.

“What joke is this? Mark.” My father coldly stares at me.  
I shrug, pulling Jinyoung into my arms.

“Do I look like I’m joking?”  
…  
“Never mind. You always come up with something to piss me off every year.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I always did that. But this is about the time I should let you know,  
We’re getting married.”

“Mark!/Mark!.” Both my father and Jinyoung exclaimed.  
I thought Jinyoung would blush, like he always did when he’s caught off guard. But he’s not, his face is as pale as chalk.

 

“Excuse us.”  
“Wait, Mark..we need to talk”

..

“Why can’t I marry him?”  
“Because he’s a guy. Don’t you bother to save my face?”

…  
“What about you? Dad. You chose a prostitute to be my mother/ Don’t you bother mine?  
It’s good that I’m marrying a guy, since no one would born to suffer the failure to create a complete family again.”

 

…

 

My father is stunned at that statement. So I grab Jinyoung’s hand, and take him to some empty chairs.

The party is big, with crowded guest we don’t have to hide because no attention is on us.  
I choose some isolated chars outside of the hall, it’s not too far since the music can still be heard.

 

It’s a perfect spot for lovers to get some privacy, or some men if they wants to smoke. The table and chairs is set for two people each.  
I sit down, waving for a waiter to bring glasses and a whole bottle of wine.

I start drinking, Jinyoung does too.  
His face is still pale from the previous encounter.

“You’re not serious about the marriage right? It’s just meant to insult you father, isn’t it?” Jinyoung asks when I’m not the one raising the topic.  
I look up at him, eyes connected with my face not budging even an inch.

“Why do you ask?”  
“Because if you’re serious, you’ll have to have me agree with it.” So I nods, acknowledged.  
“Then, would you marry me?” I don’t let any expression show on my face when actually my heart is beating so fast like it’s going to burst out of my chest.

Jinyoung laughs. Then, smile sadly, sorrowfully and shakes his head.

Right then, my heart seems to stop beating.

..  
..

 

“Why?”  
“I don’t know. I think when the contract is dued. I’ll go back to Korea. I won’t try to Match with anyone else again.”

“Why?”  
“Because I don’t want to meet any other person like you ever again.”

I smirk, sharp pain stabs in my heart that I don’t know what it means.  
His eyes and his words are as sure as the sun, it’s not meant to be a lie or a sarcasm.  
He’s honest, words too truthful that it hurts me.

“So that means you’re not here to find the right person for you in the first place.” I mutter out the fact I’ve just realized.  
…  
He’s not here to find someone he loves.  
He’s not here for a marriage.

“You’re here because you need the money, then you’ll go back to your family, aren’t you?” I ask, my throat dry, voice hoarse and hopelessness slowly surge up.

“That’s right..”

I chuckle.

I guess it’s also like this with my mother. She’s not here for a lifelong marriage life, not for love.  
She’s just here for the one she called her ‘family’.

 

And for me.

She didn’t meant to have me as her son.  
I’m just one of her mistakes.

Not just her.  
I’m both my mother’s and my father’s mistake.

 

Mother left me because she’s not meant for me to born.  
She just needed the money.

 

Jinyoung’s no difference. He’s waiting for the day he’d finally be free.  
He doesn’t want to settle a family here.  
I’m also his mistake.

I like him, like his eyes when he stares at me with those warm black orbs.  
But now, I can’t even look at him.  
My heart is like it has been stabbed with thousands of poisonous knifes. Painful. Aching.

I always thought the Matchmaker service is a tool for my revenge.

When actually it’s me who ends up being hurt.

 

Pathetic.

 

I turn away from Jinyoung.  
That bottle of wine has been poured into my throat again and again, until my head starts spinning.

“Mark, that’s enough. You still need to drive.” Jinyoung hold my arms when I grab the bottle to pour some more in the glass.

 

“Leave…”  
“Mark?”

“How much money do you need? Did you have enough?”  
“Mark…”

“Here! This is my car’s key. Cash. Credit cards. My watch.  
Take it..Take it all and leave me!” I shout at him, not registering what his face showed. My vision is all blurry.  
Almost all of my consciousness is fading.

 

If you want to leave, then go right now.  
Right when I don’t have any strength to hold you back.

My eyes are burning hot.

Images flashed back into my mind. When I repeatedly knock on the window, when I scream for Mother at the top of my lung.  
All I got back is the image of her back turning towards me and quickly walking away.

If she did turn back, even just a second,  
Maybe I would still remember her face.

 

My heart aches. It’s the same heart that breaks that day, the heart that beats the same rhythm as the lonely child who cries for his mother, hopelessly reached out to hold her back, the child who cries until he has no voice left.  
And it’s all in vain.

 

Because I’m not their ‘family’.  
Not for my Mother,  
Not for Jinyoung.

 

..  
…

 

Jinyoung stands up, his fingers gently graze my face, letting me hide the tears into his torso.  
I wrap my arms around him, squeezing tightly, face pressed into the expensive suit.  
And let the unstoppable tears fell down.

 

My head hurts. I don’t even know why am I crying anymore.  
All I know is those painful memories keep flashing at the back of my eyes, they’re so apparent like it’s just happened yesterday.

The painful feeling of betrayal, by someone whom you love, whom you want to stay with. And they turn their back against you, not even bother about how would you feel.  
They don’t care about you even a bit.

 

“I said ‘leave’.”

I repeat.

But my arms that circled around him don’t loosen.  
And Jinyoung doesn’t take off his hands, stroking gently on my heads like he always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.


	9. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Jinyoung’s POV]

“Take him upstairs and let him rest. You can’t go home in this state.”

“Thank you, sir.” I bow to thank Mark’s father who seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me.  
A bellboy helped me with bringing Mark into one of the hotel’s room. 

 

Mark cried, then passed out. Even when he’s unconscious he doesn’t let go of me.  
The weather starts getting too cold outside and I can’t drive him back home. The only choice I have is to seek help from his father.  
He didn’t look worried, didn’t bother to act like he was, but he did give me the access to this room anyway. 

 

I lay Mark down on the bed. His face is red from alcohol effects, eyes swollen because of all those cryings.  
When I look at him, there are some complicated thoughts came up.  
I heard what he said to his father. And that infers he grew up in a very broken family, where there was not enough love and warmth.  
When that idea registered, everything he did and the ways he acted around me suddenly make senses. It’s so obvious that I found it quite amusing that I didn’t realize that until now. 

 

He’s just a child asking to be loved.  
Nothing complicated. 

 

Now I don’t feel surprised that he didn’t understand my position, the one that can sacrifice to this extent for the sakes of my family.  
Because he doesn’t have that ‘family’ bond, moreover, he’d never have to struggle over socioeconomic status at all. 

 

Understandings is what I have learned tonight. Of course, I pity him.  
But...so what?

 

…

He isn’t the only human on earth with life problems. 

Everyone has them and they learned to cope with those problems without destroying someone else’s life.  
He is rich, so he is capable of many things, too many.  
Instead of finding some love and cherish them, maybe raising some pets could fill in the empty spaces in that aspect.  
He chose to use his money for Matchmaker service, so he could also destroy others’ life. Just because he felt his life is wrecked. 

He has no difference from me. Using this Matchmaker contract not for marriage, but for other purposes. 

 

I’m in this for money. He’s in this for revenge. 

 

…

 

I stand up, going into shower. Leaving Mark there on the bed.  
I decide to left those white shirt and suit on the cloth hangers since they’re probably not suitable for sleep.  
Then I realize Mark’s still in his suit, which is not his preference at all since he’s always sleep naked.

 

Stepping closer to the bed, I unbutton his clothes and hang them up.  
All his belongings, watches and wallet, that he pushed to me when he’s drunk were put back down besides the bed.  
If I take them, I’m no good than a thief. He’s totally drunk when he handed them out.  
There are tears at the corner of Mark’s closed eyes. I lift up my hands to brush them off and place the warm blanket onto him.  
When all is done, I lay down at the sofa in the room, turn off the light and drift off.

Suddenly I feel a familiar weight near my waist, when I open my eyes I realize it’s Mark. He crawls onto the small space of the comfy, besides me.  
Taking the blanket with him, he wraps that around us so I shift a little giving enough spaces for him.  
Mark places him arm around my waist, his chest radiating warmth against my back and his nose nuzzles into the nape of neck he always used to.

Then we both drift off.

 

…  
…

 

There is an unpleasant ache when I wake up since I had stay still all night because Mark’s holding me.  
But I am hungry and this is a nice opportunity to order a five-star hotel’s in-bed breakfast.  
So I wriggle out of Mark’s arms and call the reception making the order.

 

Mark is awake. He sits still, probably letting his hangover wear off. He gets up for shower. I do nothing but watch the television waiting for the meal to arrive.  
It’s not too long before the door is knocked. Getting up with the intention to answer the door, I am pulled back by a hand, still damp from his recent shower. Mark look at me from head to toe, realizing I’m only wearing the hotel’s bathrobe, the v at the neck is deep enough to expose half of my chest.  
His face is not telling anything. It’s Mark’s usual gesture.

“Just sit there, OK?” That’s all he said before letting go and he himself go to answer the door, getting all the ordered breakfast. While he has just a towel around his waist, I heard him said to the maid they don’t need to come in, and he sets the table up himself.

 

There’s no conversation between us during the meal, I don’t know how to start one and Mark does not say a word. The situation itself means we both get to know each other more than we had last night and that throw both of us off guard. I and him, we will need some time to digest the fact and adjust the air between us.

 

We have breakfast in silence. I didn’t ask him any question since I’m not quite curious and personally, I think Mark is the type who would say it if he wants to.  
But Mark didn’t spill a word, this may be the story he won’t ever want to talk about.

 

“I’ll drive you home.” He picks up his watch and shirt, throwing them on without the black suit.  
I do the same, wearing the same clothes without last night’s white suit, following him onto his car.  
Mark parks in front of the house, picking is wallet up, he hands me a handful of banknotes, the amount is almost equal to when we were ’trading’.

 

I raise an eyebrow in question, confused.

 

“What is it for?”  
“None of your business.” He snapped. I exhale sharply, like I said, Mark is the type that would say anything only if he feels like it. If he doesn’t want to answer to any question, he will never ever say a word.

So I receive then and get down, stepping towards the house. Half way from the stairs, I turn back to him and knock on the window besides the driver’s seat. Mark lowers the window and stare at me.

“Do you have any preference for tonight’s dinner?” I ask, only because I’m too lazy to think about the menu. Mark looks stunned, in the next second, he smiles, the corner of his lips curled up slightly.  
“The cookbook we bought, brown one. Page 80.” I nod at his answer, the menus in cookbooks must own quite unfamiliar names for him, because of that Mark remembered the page number instead of the proper name.  
I bet he must have wanted to try that menu for a very long time since he precisely remembered the number.

 

…

 

The first thing I do when I get in the house is grabbing the brown cookbook and scan the page since I need to prepare the ingredient before Mark is back.  
Just like I thought, there is a few ingredient missing for Mark’s choice, Bibimbap.  
After I finish shower, I place the banknotes that Mark handed me this morning with those I already saved up. These days, money doesn’t seem like a problem anymore since I did earn a lot, it is definitely enough for Jimin’s scholarship fee.

 

But is it enough for me to live alone here?

 

After that, I just realize Shownu hyung has texted me, asking if I’m doing well and also invited me over to his place.  
I replied, we make an appointment, so I snatch my wallet and set off.

 

Mark will be back home at his usual time. I already plan to stop at a supermarket to pick up some ingredients, then visit Shownu hyung. There is plenty of time until I have to come back to cook dinner.

 

This is my first time to take a subway since Shownu hyung’s place is located three stations away. There must be a supermarket nearby since he’s running a restaurant.  
It’s suitable for me to stop at the supermarket there since I won’t have to carry the bags around.

Walking down the stairs into the station, lights are dim giving out the lonely feeling that perfectly suits the cold wind.  
At the same time, people are rushing side by side, giving out another difference mood.

Relying on the map on my phone, with a little help from the information staff, I finally arrive at the right station where Shownu hyung is waiting for me right at the exit.

“I thought you would get lost.” He greets me with a teasing smile on his face. I slowly shake my head, chuckling.  
There is some sort of warmth surge up in my chest when I realize my comfort zone is nearby, not even an hour from Mark’s house.

 

We stop by at Shownu hyung’s wife’s restaurant first. She greets us with a gentle smile and serves some lunch for us, which is delicious as it was.

 

“What happened? You look like you’re somewhere else.” Shownu hyung asks. That is when I suddenly realize I’m absentmindedly stare into the blank air. People walking by is enough distraction for me, maybe that’s a reason I’m lost in my own thoughts.

“Nothing.” I said.  
“What about ’him’, that man you’ve been matched with. You didn’t mention him at all.” Shownu hyung suddenly asks. That question makes me turn back to him.  
“Great. He’s rich.”  
Shownu hyung chuckles. “Is there any other thing about him? Is he a homosexual?”  
“I don’t know, but he still have girls in his bed like a straight guy.” I answer him. That statement makes Shownu hyung frown, he stares at me sharply, eyes express curiosity and uncertainty.  
“Why? It is a normal thing, I mean, a guy and a girl.”  
“But he will be married to you, why did he do that? It doesn’t make sense.”  
“He doesn’t really take our relationship seriously. There was a time when he brings a girl into bed while I’m sleeping there.” I tell him that, without mentioning about when Mark commanded me to call out his name.

Shownu hyung frowns and shakes his head disapprovingly.

“It’s not fair for you. Is he just playing some games?” Shownu hyung shows his anger, so clear that I’m worried it might be too much of a misunderstanding.  
“It’s just our first days then, and not all his fault. I guess he is also played by the Matchmaker service, they didn’t tell him I’m a guy. He must see my photo and assume I’m a woman so he chose me to match with.”  
“That means he likes women.”

…

That moment, my first instinct is to nod, agreed with Shownu hyung. But suddenly the moments when he seems so satisfied with our sex flashes back in my mind, that makes me hesitated.

“Um...yes, maybe.” I replied hesitantly. He tilts his head, staring at me, then moves closer to take a look at my facial expression.

“You two..already have sex, right?” He asks, so directly that I’m startled, eye widened and heat crawled up onto my cheek to both ears.  
Shownu hyung laughs contentedly. He suddenly changes the topic. But he’s already got his answer, my red face told him everything,

 

“Um...Can I ask you something?”  
“Feel free to.”  
“Hyung’s parents, they passed away when you were just a kid. Does it affect your life?”  
“That...well, yes. There were good and bad things about it. Positively, it makes me depended on myself. I’m capable of making decisions for my own life. Everything I did is so that I can survive the next day. That life taught me many things. But the bad things hit hard too, it’s like I’m all alone in this world. There’s no one that cares about me anymore. You know, there’s nothing in this world that can compare to the people you called ’family’.”

’All alone’

…

 

It’s no difference than Mark.  
Actually, Mark seems like he’s really all alone, more than Shownu hyung’s situation.  
His friends are just for party. It’s not a friendship to bear hardship together, to care for each other, laugh and cry through your life.  
Every person he hugged over the night is bought by his money.

His estrange relationship with his father.  
And moreover, his mother turned her back on him.

 

What is it like? That kind of life; no one to care for, each day pass by without caring for anybody.  
A life that doesn’t know love, caring and the meaning of ’family’.

 

“Why did you ask that question? Are you worried about me, or someone else?” Shownu hyung asks me. Confused, I look straight into his eyes.  
“It was nothing. Erm, I want to buy some ingredients for tonight’s dinner. Is there any grocery nearby? It’s for Bibimbap.” I decide to change the topic, even I don’t know why I don’t want to talk about this.  
So we both go to the supermarket located just a few minutes away.

“Is there my portion? I also miss it.” He said. Well, I can do it for him since he must have so little chance to eat Korean dinner. His wife is not so familiar with Korean cuisine. But at the same time, it’s almost the time Mark is home.  
I didn’t tell him I’ll be out but I can’t refuse Shownu hyung.

His wife is also in this idea. She suggests it is a good opportunity for her to learn how to cook it.  
So I can’t refuse Shownu hyung’s request, but this is also a good opportunity for me.  
If she thinks I’m a good cook, she might hire me as a chef at this restaurant after my contract with Mark is dued.

 

At first, my intention is to quickly demonstrate it. But it turns into a full cooking course, they ask me if they can film this and also precisely note down the recipe.  
That’s why I did it neatly, at the quality that I can apply for a job.  
The dish turns out well. That, I can assume when they had the first bite.

She smiles gratefully at me when she saw Shownu hyung went through the dish deliciously. That makes me feel so relieved.  
After we finished, Shownu hyung walk me off to the subway station. I’m a bit sad that I have to go back but it’s already 8pm. The time runs by so fast when I’m with Shownu hyung.

 

I’m ready to get yelled at, shouted at, get scolded or even a punishment.  
From the one who must be home now.

Even it is a slight chance, I hope he’s out with other girls so that I won’t have to deal with him.

 

…

 

I inhale deeply. Bad feelings interrupt me along the way but I can’t escape without preparing anything.  
All I can do is hope and pray.

 

My hands are holding the shopping bags for tonight’s dinner.  
Mark has a habit about the meals. He doesn’t change his diet much. If he likes anything, he would keep asking for that menu. So I buy a large portion, that makes me walk slower than I should carrying all the bags.  
In front of me is the station’s stairs where I run up until I’m out of breath.  
When I step out of the exit, cold air is inhaled and exhaled.  
Tonight’s air is cold enough to leave a slight stink feeling in my lung.  
I’m surprised when something catches my eyes, a familiar face. He’s standing still and looking at me.  
I immediately froze, frightened and felt like cold water is splashed on me.  
Afraid that he’ll beat me, punish me. The pain from that day is still implanted in my memory.

 

Mark’s face is all red, maybe from the cruel cold wind. That means he’s here for quite a period of time.  
I stand still, don’t dare to move, don’t have any courage to greet him.  
I’m afraid he might know I went to Shownu hyung’s place and he will punish me for it.

 

It’s Mark who makes the first move, stepping closer to me until he’s just a feet away.  
I glance at him nervously.

 

But all he did…  
Is pulling me into his chest, arms tight around my waist.  
He holds me tightly, the actions seems like he wants to confirm this is not just a dream.

 

“You came back.” He whispers softly. My hands are busy holding the shopping bags so I can’t do anything but stand still. As the time goes by, I realize his body is ice cold which means he must be here for a long time and it’s because he’s waiting for me.

 

He holds me like that, so I drop the bags on the floor.  
And hug him back.  
“I’m back.”

 

Are you afraid?

 

Afraid you would be alone in the world again…

 

[Mark’s POV]

It’s quite a long time before I let Jinyoung out of my arms.  
When I arrived back at home and realize there’s no one there, I almost went insane. I don’t even know where would he be.  
He’s not around the area. That’s when I thought of the day when he’s escaping from me. He went by the subway station.  
So I stopped at the station. If he’ll ever come back, he will come this way.

And if not,...  
…

 

I don’t know.

I didn’t try to find him in the station since I believe in the theory that there’s more chance for the object that stays still to meet with others.

And the theory is right.

 

Jinyoung is back.  
I’ve been waiting for him since 5pm until now, half past eight. The cold wind of November grazes both my body...and my heart.  
When he stepped out from the station, my brain went blank. I can’t think of anything. The only thing I felt is my fastened heartbeat and his familiar warmth.

I’m glad he’s back. The idea of him disappearing from me, I can’t even picture it.  
If there is a day when he turns his back at me and never looks back, what would I be like?

I can’t even remember my lifestyle before he appeared in my life, my life when I’m not sleeping and waking up in Jinyoung’s arms, when I don’t have his homemade breakfast to welcome me every morning.

There’s only images of Jinyoung in my head, in every cells of me, to the point that I’m not sure if he really leaves me, how would I erase the memory of him.  
He’ll forever linger in my memory while he’s not in my life anymore.

…  
It must be so painful.

 

“Let’s hug at home, alright? You’re freezing.” He whispers softly. I laugh at his words and ignore that, still holding him for a few minutes more until the fact that he’s not running away from me any time soon. Then I release him and we both walk back home.

 

“I’m sorry I haven’t prepared our dinner. I’ll cook now. You can have a shower first.” Jinyoung stated, his face shows he’s really feeling guilty.

“You’re really not going to run away.” I ask. Jinyoung doesn’t reply, instead he looks at me silently. While we’re making eye contact, I see the look of sympathy in his eyes.  
It’s the look in his eyes that makes me turn away from him. I’m not used to anyone who pity me or show any kindness.

But if it’s his kind nature that’s make him stay with me,  
…  
Then it’s okay for me.  
Whatever the reason he has to remain here, I don’t care.

As long as he’s still ’here’.

 

I take a shower quickly and see Jinyoung is still busy cooking. Throwing my usual bathrobe on, I step closer to him while raising my arms around his waist from behind. Butterfly kisses are placed on the bare skin of his neck until he’s slightly squirming off my grip.

“Mark, I can’t work properly.” He mutters but I pretend not hearing, still hugging him.  
Actually it’s his fault, he’s frightened me that he may disappear. It’s his responsibility to assure me he won’t.

Even he’s protesting about not being able to work properly, he still finishes the dish quickly.  
We sit down and enjoy the meal. When it’s over, Jinyoung go into shower and come out with just a bathrobe on, just like he already know my preference.  
So I crawl onto the bed, Jinyoung follows and sits besides me.

 

“Hey, I hug you first many times today. It’s your turn now.” I said.  
And Jinyoung obeys easily, he cuddles against my chest and throw his arms around me, sharing our warmth.

“Where have you been?”  
“Just shopping.”  
“Why did you go that far away from the house?” I hug him in return and whisper, my lips plant a gentle kiss on his soft, silky hair.

Jinyoung didn’t answer and I didn’t ask him again. All that’s left to fill the room is silence.

 

We lay down besides each other. I push myself up with just one hand and stare at him.

“The way you stare at me like that, it’s creepy.”  
“Do you want me to do something ’more’?” I tease him and he returns me with a sigh.  
“Don’t you realize it’s really creepy.” He said while pushing himself up, laying the weight on his elbows. We switch position and Jinyoung stare at me intensely.  
My gaze trails along every inches of his face, frowning at me like he’s pissed.  
His intention is to make me feel uncomfortable, but it’s not working at all. Instead I got a chance to really look at him. Like he knows he lose, he slowly blushes.

 

“It doesn’t look creepy at all.” I said. So Jinyoung sighs, not knowing what he should do, he drops back onto the mattress.  
While he’s still facing in my direction.

“Why didn’t you run away?”  
“Do you want me to?”  
“No.”  
…

 

“I just want to know why.”

I already give him the chance to, already gave him so much money.  
I’ve never bound or jail him.

I’ve never even said I would track him down if he did run away.

 

I take a look at his face while waiting for his answer.  
There’s a deep corner inside my heart tat hope his answer would quicken my heartbeat, faster than it already is.

 

 

“There’s no need to run away. When the contract is due, I’ll have to move out anyway.”

…

Jinyoung has always been like this.

 

He can make me forget all the pain of the past.  
And then creates a new wound on my heart with his very own hands.

 

I let him into my life, swaying my ground and controlling my heart. And I don’t even realize when did it start.  
If that day really comes, the day when he’ll turn his back on me, then what should I do?  
…

 

Handcuff him, restrain him here?  
When that time really comes, I have no idea what can I say to hold him back.

 

I failed when I was a child, when Mother turned her back on me and walked away.  
This time, I don’t even have a courage to hope or hold him back. Because when I’m refused, it’s so painful and has left a big unhealed scar on me.

 

“Jinyoung.”  
“Hmm?”

 

“I’ll pay you a thousand dollars, for your words. Can you just say that you’ll never leave me?”  
…

 

“I know it’s just words, but that’s okay for me.”  
…

The look in Jinyoung’s eyes sway.  
He stares at me with that looks again, pity, sympathy, sadness  
Whatever he shows in his eyes, it makes me feel more worthless than I’ve ever felt before.

 

Jinyoung grabs my hand, turning away before he turns back at me.

“Don’t worry, Mark. I’ll never ever leave you.  
I’ll stay by your side forever.”  
…  
…

 

Sweet words, yet it cuts a deep wound in my heart.

Even it’s just a lie that is created with money, but that gentleness of his sentences heal me inside, patching up my past scar.

I smile at him while pulling him into a hug yet again.

 

He’s so frail and fragile that I want to protect him from all harms.  
But I can’t resist my own hunger before,  
The lust that consumed me takes control on my body and driving me to devour him.

 

My hand lifts his chin up and the kiss starts, that’s when the kiss goes from his lips to his eyes, then all over his body.  
Repeatedly. Gently. Slowly.  
I grab his hand and plant a kiss onto the back of it.  
Before flipping him down and lifting his hip up, I hug him tightly when I slowly pressed in.

This time, I observe Jinyoung’s preference, where did he like me to touch.  
What did I do that makes him feel good, I do it again and again. My heart jumps with joy when he’s surprised and hugged me.  
I feel so happy when he moans low, satisfied. My heart skips a beat when he responses my intended touches.  
This is the only way I know to make anyone happy, giving pleasure. It’s so unfair since I was so happy just because Jinyoung is besides me.

The only way I know about pleasing anybody...is sex.

 

What I did, I did it for my own desire, to sate my own hunger.  
It’s totally different from what I do today, trying to satisfy his every need.

When Jinyoung shows that he’s satisfied with it,  
That makes me feel so happy.

 

My body. My heart. My thoughts. My happiness.  
All of them depend on Jinyoung from now on.

 

It’s so clear that I can’t ignore.  
So prominent that I can’t refuse.  
So much that I’m quite sure this is the feeling people called ’love’.

Even for a people like me, who haven’t once known what love is like, I realize at this moment that it is definitely not some other feelings.

 

I only did it one time since Jinyoung needs to rest.  
Pulling him closer, I let him use own of my arms as his pillow.  
Unlike every other day, Jinyoung doesn’t fall asleep as soon as we finished.

 

“Are you happy?” I ask. Jinyoung quickly turns back to me, blushing. Seeing his honesty, I can’t help but laugh contentedly at him. I wonder why does his stupid gestures look so cute to me now. 

 

My hand grabs his, lifting it to my lips I kissed it repeatedly. My gaze’s still trailing over his perfect face and his amazing body.

Long time ago, I heard Jackson said something about a guy that starts sleeping with other men, that they may become more attractive in other guy’s point of view.  
Now, I believe that theory.  
I thought I was imagining because Jinyoung was already attractive when we met. But when I brought him on that skyscraper’s dinner, there were other guys that stare at him.  
And it’s the same in the party.

 

It’s because his actions, it’s all so attractive. Every time he talks or eats, it is alluring, charming.

I lower myself to kiss him again, a deep french kiss this time. It’s become so intoxicating that I can’t get enough of it.

 

Will he realize I don’t act like this to everyone?  
Would he know he is the only one I kiss on the lips?  
Can he hear my heart pounding crazily fast in my chest?

 

I watch Jinyoung’s face, absentmindedly stare into the blank air.  
He doesn’t realize even a trace of my feeling.

 

I’m not so sure about myself either.  
About my own feelings, I’m not the expert on it and there’s no one that I could share this. Well, perhaps Jackson could be of a help.

I haven’t have sex with anybody else, or even desire for others, except Jinyoung.

Perhaps it’s just another kind of addiction, a new experience for me.  
Or should I...try having sex with some other girls?

It’s a test to confirm it’s no difference from Jinyoung, this feeling of happiness.  
Because since we started this, I’ve never held anyone else.

 

If the feeling when I do it with others is the same as this moment, I have a hope that when Jinyoung actually leaves, I can still find someone else to fill in his space.  
Moreover, I’ve never kissed anyone besides Jinyoung. If I try it with someone else and it can give me the same pleasure,  
Then I won’t misunderstand about Jinyoung, that I’m not really falling in love with him.

This may be a new experience about sex.

 

So I snatch my phone, finding the chat that I and my friends used to appoint the party.  
I accepted this weekend’s party invitation.

But of course, it’s our rule that we have to bring someone along. For me, I will take Jinyoung with me.

Yes, I’m worried about his safety. For that, I can’t leave him alone in the room.

 

I can bring Jinyoung along but I won’t let anyone lay a hand on him. When I’m enjoying the night with some other girl, I can drag him along into the same room.

It’s set.


	10. Kindness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all finished reading the last chapter saying you wanted to punch Mark. I’m telling you guys that by the end of this one, you all are going to hunt me down and kill me(or Kinc) instead. **run away**
> 
> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Mark’s POV]

I place plastic boxes back into the bag Jinyoung handed me this morning. Those are my lunchbox, homemade by Jinyoung.  
He scolded me when I threw them away on the first day this lunchbox daily routine started.

Actually I’m the one who spoke up about this, packing lunchboxes for me.  
Because of my work loads during the day, I’m quite worn out each day.  
It’s true I’m on the high ranks so the documents are already gathered for me to sign.  
But being the one who has to decide so many important things about the company and concerns about the competition among other branches has completely drained me each day.

 

I always think about the time when I arrive back at home and have Jinyoung in my arms. Even in the most tiring day,just that thought alone give me the strength to continue working. So that I could finished and see him again.

 

Eh. Didn’t we have to go the party tonight? I haven’t bought him some clothes for it.

He is mine, so he should be the most attractive there.  
He must be, to the point no one would dare ask why do I chose him to be my partner tonight.

 

Ok, I’ll admit I’m quite embarrassed of the fact that I’m addicted to a guy.  
But it’s just Jinyoung, and no one else.

He will look so attractive that no one could refuse his charms.  
To the point that there will be people who wants to taste him, but all they can do is watching. Because he belongs to me, and me alone.

 

I send my secretary to pick some clothes for him from the store since I have packed schedules here.  
Taking just a glance, I realize it’s a white top and jeans. I didn’t bother to take a good look at it since I could fully observed when Jinyoung’s already in it.

 

When I got home, he’s there watching TV. I already told him he shouldn’t go anywhere today since we will go out together.  
The first thing I do is kiss him, deep and passionately until he’s grasping for air.

I am the first to shower and change into my clothes, then it’s Jinyoung’s turn to get into his.  
It’s Friday. The traffic will be bad so we need to hurry.

 

Jinyoung swiftly finishes his shower.  
I turn back and was stunned by what he’s wearing. The jean is ripped at his thigh, exposing his attractive milky-white skin On top of that, the white top is ripped at the shoulder.  
I’m pissed at the idea of anyone else would get to see Jinyoung like this, yet this look of him is so seductive that I would like to pin him down and tear off those sexy ripped fabric holes.  
Another side of me know it would make me proud to have him accompanying me to the party, since he’s so gorgeous.

Pushing down the jealousy, I let him wear this even if he looks so pissed about revealing clothes.

 

“Come here.” I call for him to step closer and when he’s close enough, I grab himand bear my fangs at his shoulder, biting red sinful marks on the perfect soft canvas.

“M...Mark. It hurts.”

I draw back. Red bruises that are spread over the area makes me smirk at the sight.  
He’s mine, and mine alone.

The next thing is his exposed thigh through the ripped jeans.  
Surely there would be people taking the advantages to enjoy the exhibition.  
So I get down on my knees, holding Jinyoung still by his waist, my lips nip several marks into the area.

 

Jinyoung’s lips curve down a bit more, pissed.

“What the hell are you doing?” He nags but I just shrug it off.

If I tell him it’s because he’s mine, he would reject and say words that would eventually hurt me.

I could left him frowned and pissed like this, but I can’t tolerate any more of his honest words.

 

…  
..

 

We get in the car and drive to the same location we went, my friend Nick’s house.  
Just around the corner before we arrive, Jinyoung seems to remember the directions and his face tenses up, look more pissed than he already is.

But that’s not going to change anything.

I just want to test myself that I’m still the same person, that I can feel the same thing touching someone else.  
Is there anyone who would fill in Jinyoung’s place?  
If there is, I won’t have to try keeping him with me. It indeed is tiring for both of us.

But if there isn’t,

…

Even if there is just his heartless body, I would keep him only to myself.

 

…

 

…

When I finish parking the car, Jinyoung stares at me with his alluring black orbs.  
That look nearly makes me surrender.

“Can I just wait here?” He begs but I shake my head, refused.

 

Not because I want him to accompany me, anyone would be jealous in that case, but because leaving him here is not safe.

Jinyoung sighs, knowing he has no choice.

"Don’t try cocaine. Don’t try any additives. Drinks are okay, but leave the brownies.  
Sex pills are allowed only if you’re with me. AND you’re not allowed to kiss anybody.”  
……..  
Jinyoung looks at me wide-eyed, showing shock and disbelief.

“And you’re not allowed to have sex with anyone else.”

“Of all the things you’ve said, there’s none that I want to do in the first place. AND I don’t even want to be here.” He snaps.

…  
His eyes reflect anger and he looks so disappointed of the fact that I acted like I didn’t know the person he is at all.

 

“Hey, I didn’t mean that. I’m just warning you to beware ‘cause there’ll be someone else who would force you to try those things.”  
…

I decide to tell him directly and he pauses, he turns back and not frowning anymore. He knows what I meant to, at least he accepts my worry.  
That’s when we get off the car, standing side by side.

I throw my arm around his waist, and like that, we walk into the party.

Eyes drop onto me, some familiar faces greet me with a nod. No one is startled by the fact that my partner is a guy.  
Well, maybe they didn’t notice. They’re all half-drunk anyway.

 

I bring him up to the same room we were in last time. Nick waves at me as a greeting, that’s when his eyes drop at Jinyoung, still in my arms.  
He smirks teasingly.

 

Of course he would, only a few girls that I really attached to is taken in with this positions.  
That happened a long time ago, before I start getting involved with the Matchmaker service.

Jackson is the next one to notice me, and Jinyoung. His eyes trail along Jinyoung’s body before meeting with my cold ones.

 

I take Jinyoung to the same sofa. But instead of letting him sit in the middle, I sit there besides Jackson so Jinyoung is at my right and no one else besides him.  
There’s no one I can trust in this room.

If I take my eyes off, and if Jackson confronts Jinyoung, I’m sure no one would interfere.

Jackson sits up and greets Jinyoung with a friendly tone.

“Hey, Jinyoung. I’ve been thinking if you would appear or not.” And with a smile on his face.

 

Of course he would,  
Jackson is the only one who knows Jinyoung’s body and its charm, Jinyoung with his intoxicating fragrance.  
Moreover, Jackson was interrupted. He would definitely want to finish what he hadn’t.

That makes me worry. Also the fact that Jinyoung is in ripped shirt and jeans. It is exhibiting and will mislead many people.  
Jinyoung smiles back slightly then turns away into the corner of the wall, ignoring all surroundings here.

 

“You’re gone for several weeks and then you’re here with the same guy. I’m sos curious what’s so good about him?” Some of my friends look at Jinyoung like they would eat him alive, like hunters looking at their prey.

“Nothing’s so special.” I shrug away the answer, but my behaviour is opposite. Lowering my face down a bit, I trace my nose along Jinyoung’s shoulder where the bruises are prominent enough for them to see.

And they know the signal, this means no one touches him.

They’ve also got special cases like this, someone they didn’t want to share with anybody.  
The purpose that person is here besides us is just for show-off. And that special someone in my protection is Jinyoung.

He looks so irritable, to the point I would like to catch him in my arms and nag.  
But that would not serve my intention to test myself, is he special or anyone else can do just fine in his place?

 

“Is there anyone that would catch my interest tonight?” I turn to ask my friends and they point to the direction of snooker table.  
There are busty girls in their sexy bras playing games there. Those bodies look nice enough to keep men staring at them.

“Choose anyone you like.” That’s Nick. So I drink the last gulp of my glasses then gaze sharply at those girls.

“Stay here.” I say that to Jinyoung and didn’t tear off our eye contact until he’s nodding. Then I stand up and step to that pool table located in the same room.  
Because Jinyoung will still be in my eyesight, I can still make sure no one would seduce him.

I stare at an Asian girl, delicate features and beautiful face. She’s there cheering for her friends in her pale pink dress that matches her fair skin. While I keep staring, she turns to me knowing someone is showing interest in her.  
She looks back at me and no one tears off our eye contact first.  
So she smiles, bright yet seductive, then turns back to her friends for a sec just to slowly shift her glance back at me, a perfect gesture to captivate men’s heart.

 

At the sofa, I see Jinyoung looking at me, but with his stone-face, heartless and no feelings reflect in his eyes.  
That’s when I decided to take a step forward to the girl,  
Grabbing her by the arm and we both steps off from the crowd to the quieter corner of the room so we can get to know each other.

I choose to stand in the corner that is clearly visible by Jinyoung. And it’s not a coincidence.

 

That moment, Jackson sits closer to Jinyoung, of course he can since I’m not there in the middle anymore, and offers him a bottle of beer.  
To my displeasure, he accepts it and tilts it up into his cherry lips.

Crap, he doesn’t know how other men looks at him in that gestures.  
Like hunters looking at a sweet prey.

His face is tilted up, plump lips pressed at the bottle, his eyes narrows as the liquid pours on his tongue.  
Plus his sexily ripped shirt and jeans, every men right there would have a thought of him in bed together with them.

…

I curse in my head when Jackson teases Jinyoung by pulling slightly at the bottle.  
The alcohol spills onto his lips and chin. Those white bubbles makes him looked sexier than ever, and it happened because someone causes the mess, suggesting he’s in one’s control and would submit.

 

…  
..

 

In those filthy men’s head,  
They must be imagining the paradise Jinyoung could take them into.

 

My heart’s burning with some feelings I can’t explain.  
Never once that Jinyoung drops his gaze at me, it’s me that could not take my eyes off him.

I bring the girl along to the sofa. So Jinyoung would be safer with me around.  
But since the sofa doesn’t have enough space for four, she sits on my lap instead.

 

Slowly, I trace my nose at the nape of her neck, fair skin is sprayed with synthetic perfume.  
Artificial scent and beauty, now it seems so fake that I don’t find any pleasure in it.  
Even that skin tastes bitter of the lotion that makes her skin glow, so it looks attractive.

 

I find myself having no sexual desire over her at all.

 

…  
I glance at Jinyoung who’s sitting next to me. He looks away when I turn to him.  
He still maintains his poker face perfectly.

I wonder does he feel anything at all?  
…  
“You like this?” Jackson said, reaching his hand out to the bottle in Jinyoung’s hand, fingers tracing at the opening where Jinyoung pressed his lips on.

Jinyoung nods.  
“Ah.”  
…

I grit my teeth hard, trying to refrain from reacting. Suddenly the image of Jackson pinning Jinyoung down flashes up in my mind.  
He had a chance to press his lips on that perfect skin, teasing and nipping the way he wanted.  
And that makes my chest burn with an unknown feeling.

 

“Your shirt is stained. Wanna take it off?” Jackson asks him again despite the fact that I’m sitting between the two of them, maybe he thinks I don’t care since I already have a girl on my lap.

 

Jackson’s hand reaches out again, fingers entwining with the hem of Jinyoung’s shirt and pull them down a bit. His index grazes along Jinyoung’s neck and chest intentionally.  
Jinyoung lurches back but he’s already at the edge of the sofa.

So I am the one that slap Jackson’s hand away.

“Follow me.” I call out, grabbing him hand and step into another room, followed by the girl I picked earlier.  
Jinyoung shuffles after me, confused. He’s startled by my sudden actions, and maybe because of the rage that is shown on my face.

 

I push Jinyoung down until he’s sitting on the mattress.  
After locking the door, I turn back and shove that girl down right next to where Jinyoung’s sitting.  
Hands do their works taking off my own shirt and strip her naked.

I lean down to kiss her on that perfume-coated neck, eyes glancing at Jinyoung.  
All he did is staring at me confusedly.

And that triggers my anger.

 

Flipping the girl over onto my lap, she straddles me giving the access to her chest. Well, she’s not wearing bra in the first place.  
I touch and kiss her passionately, her tiny waist, her flat abdomen and all over her body.  
She responds by moaning, her sound sweet and girly like every woman owns.

Even after all this, Jinyoung still maintains his poker face, his usual dumb face directly stares at me like always, like he doesn’t feel a thing.  
Contrarily, it’s my chest that feels like being stabbed and burned.

 

“Get out.” I snarl. Jinyoung quickly stands up.

“Not you.” I’m being specific this time.  
The girl looks pissed, but follows her command anyway.

My eyes meet Jinyoung’s, anger burning within mine.

Hands reach out to pull him back to his seat on the mattress.  
My torso is naked but I haven’t even pulled off my belt.

“Don’t you feel anything?” I cross my arms while asking, sounds cold and aggressive.  
His eyes widens, still in his usual dumb face.

“What do you mean?”  
“When I do those things to someone else, what do you feel?”  
…  
..  
“N...Nothing.”

“Jinyoung!!” I shout. Knowing I’m enrage, but I really don’t know why I am.  
Some part in my heart hopes he would insult me, either out of anger or hatred, maybe because I’ve disappointed him or hurt him.

But Jinyoung is Jinyoung, his answer is honest, earnest and truthful.

 

“I just felt out of place. I don’t know what to do or how to act. That’s all.”

I place both of my hands on the mattress, caging him between the bed and my body.  
Eyes’ staring into his beautiful black orbs, so sincere yet heartless. It’s painful and I’ve never felt so hopeless before.

“Isn’t there a burning sensation in here?” I nudge my head onto his chest gently, right at the area human’s heart is located.  
Mine is burning with rage and jealousy just because there is other men staring at him with their lust-filled eyes.  
Just because Jackson’s fingers traced along his chest.

 

“N..No.”  
…  
Jinyoung says softly.

I feel my legs giving out, the desire in my body disappeared at once.  
Instead it is replaced by an aching pain, dull and unbearable.

 

I kneel down on the floor, arms wrapping around his waist and my head drops onto Jinyoung’s lap.  
My strength was long gone, and now, so is my pride.

 

“So why am I the only one in pain here?”

“Mark….”

 

 

…….

 

[Jinyoung’s POV]

I stroke his soft hair gently, hoping the gesture would relieve his pain.

What did he mean?

Did he mean all he’s done today is just because he wants me to get angry because he’s touching someone else?  
Like he also did when someone else’s hand is on me?

 

Mark stays in that position for a moment before he gets up and throws on his own shirt.

“Home. Now.”

That’s all he said before storming out off the door. Every eyes in another room stare at us hoping for some explanation and some even filled with tease.  
But all the playful emotion fades when Mark storms out without saying any goodbye, he’s not even gaze at them.  
He just leaves.

 

I have to shuffle in order to follow him, knowing I’m the cause of his actions right now.  
He’s suffering because of my words, but they’re all truth.  
I’m being honest to him, isn’t that what I supposed to do?

 

…

I really didn’t feel anything back then. It’s the truth.

…  
..  
I follow Mark, shuffle in order to keep up to him.  
To the car.

Mark stays silence.  
His eyes stare blankly into the air, wandering in his own thoughts. During our ride back home, he doesn’t spill a word.

 

“Want to take a shower? It’s more comfortable for sleep.”  
I’m worried about Mark. I know he’s hurt and is in pain.

His actions, his words, they’re all reflecting one thing I’ve never been so sure about. That fact is, I’m important to him.  
But I’m not sure how much I am.

 

Something tells me that he’s very angry at me right now, but not in a way that he would hit me.  
He’s feeling neglected because I state he’s not an important piece in my life.

I really can’t control or lie to my own feelings, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care.

Mark doesn’t answer to my suggestion.

 

“Then,...you should at least change. It’s late, you have to get a rest.” I say while picking his usual robe out. Mark reaches out and catches it without even gazing at me.

It’s weird that a part in my chest strikes a shock when he acts like this.

 

I decide to make him a cup of tea, jasmine green tea with its soothing fragrance and its effect for a better sleep.  
Blowing at the cup to cool it down, I sit besides him on the sofa and then hand it to him.

Mark receives it, facing to me at last and slowing bringing the cup up to take a sip.

 

He sits still and stays silence, not being the one who started the conversation as usual.  
He just absentmindedly stares at the cup in his own hands.  
Not long before he hands that cup back to me.

After I wash it and place it back, when I turn back, Mark is already lying along the couch, his hands are pressing on his forehead hiding his eyes behind.  
So I step closer and sit down at the floor besides it.

 

“Why do you sleep here?”  
I ask, knowing this is not a comfortable place to spend the night.

“If you don’t want to share the bed, then just say it, you should sleep on the bed, I’ll sleep here.” I tell him.  
But Mark still ignores it, and I don’t want to disturb him any further. He might want some time by himself.  
So I get back onto the bed.

 

Strangely, I feel so awkward. The bed is soft and comfortable like it always was. And I have all the space for myself.  
But it feels cramped and unfamiliar, it is more unpleasant than when Mark locked me up in his arms.

 

I can’t help but glance at the sofa. Mark is still there in the exactly same position.  
Feeling myself exhale sharply, I really don’t know how to cope with this kind of situation.

 

When I try to help, he doesn’t comply.  
And I can’t just leave him like that...it doesn’t feel right.

 

I really hate when people shuns and turns away from me, no matter they’re family, friends or just some strangers.

All I do is staying there in the bed, not knowing how much time has passed before I feel the weight shifted on the mattress.  
When I turn to take a look, Mark looks startled that I’m still awake.

 

I try to smile at Mark, but he just froze there. Then he drops himself on the bed.  
Like I always do everyday, I flip myself over to face him.

We both move into each other’s arms naturally, we both move closer, both, not just me or him that started the first move.  
Even in the day like this, a day when I disappointed him, we still sleeps in each other’s arms.

It’s so funny.

 

I hug Mark tightly, feeling sorry that I hurt him.  
The image of him kneeling down and pressing his head into my lap, leaving all his pride and powerlessly just stays like that makes me feel so guilty. I do think i need to atone for my fault.

 

It’s my fault that I didn’t feel anything he wants me to.

I pity him.  
I wish he had a better life.  
I care about him.  
And I’m confident that I may be the one who knows Mark the best in this world, though I still haven’t discovered many sides of him yet.

That’s why I care about him and don’t want him to feel bad.

 

But if you ask me do I feel jealous when he kissed or touched other people. It’s a big NO.  
Do I feel burdened if he doesn’t feel anything for me other than a sex partner?  
That’s also a NO.

 

The fact is, honestly, I don’t love Mark.

…

 

And I also don’t know if Mark’s feeling towards me is called love.  
Maybe he just views me as his belongings.

 

In his life, never once that he has someone to take care of him.

But this is my nature, no matter who I’m with, I’m kind and will look after them like this.

 

I didn’t know my actions would waver Mark’s heart and thus makes him feels this way towards me.

Of course when he’s experienced the true caring actions, he would be so afraid of losing it.

 

I understand Mark.  
And I really sympathize him.

 

I hold him in my arms, my hand gently stroke his back along his tense spine.  
My heart really hurts seeing him like this, he’s so fragile and looks like he’s about to break any time soon.

 

There’s 3 weeks left.

 

When Mark actually has to watch me leave, how would he be?  
When that day finally comes, I will have to go on my own way.

I have my own life to live.  
And he also has his.

 

I wish Mark would meet a good person, one that is kind and caring enough to cross through his walls.

He doesn’t have a mother, may be that’s also a reason.  
Gentle touches that he isn’t used to can make him misunderstand.

May be a woman could fill in this empty space better than I can.

 

He’s not a bad person. He’s just lost. Without anyone to follow, without anyone who guided him properly.  
So I am very worried about him, and fear that my departure might render his hatred towards people who were kind and caring type, like I am.  
Then he would go back to being his devil self, spending time in countless parties and worthless nights.

Which I don’t want him to.

 

 

…  
..

Mark tightens his arms around me, then without any warning he flips me up onto him. That means I’m now lying on his chest.  
I press my face down onto his toned chest, ears catching his beating rhythm.

“I thought you were kind so I fall for you.

And just when I realize I did, you suddenly start being so cruel like this, hmm? Jinyoung.”

 

He sounds so broken and that voice is so low and trembling like he’s so tired.  
My heart wavers at that, I really pity him.

 

“I’m sorry.” That’s all I can say. I support myself with my arms just so I could stare into his eyes.

 

Mark’s eyes trail along my face, his black orbs is so gentle yet so sad.  
That’s when I realize the look in his eyes changed. He was looking at me like I’m just a slave to sate his lust but now it’s long gone.

They’re filled with sadness, grief and a piece of it begs for sympathy.

 

He sits up so I automatically in the position that I’m straddling him.  
His hands gently brush off the hair that drapes on my forehead. His eyes that are glancing at me are filled with mixed feelings.

 

“How much do I need to pay in exchange of your feeling?” He whispers.

My heart squeezes tight. No answer escapes my lips since I don’t want to create any more lie to him.

 

Just the words he trades his money for earlier makes me feel so guilty of the lie.  
Even it’s a lie that gives hope to this fragile, heartbroken man.

I reach out to place my hand on his face, leaning closer to place a kiss.

My lips press down onto his.  
Because of the familiarity, we both deepen the kiss, tasting all the sensation we’re both used to.  
And I’m not the one who backs off the kiss first, instead I kiss him again and again.

 

If this would heal him even just the smallest part, then I’m willing to do it.

Mark backs off the kiss and nestles his head against my chest. He pulls up my hand and places warm and gentle kisses on it repeatedly.  
From kissing, he nips and gentle bites down from time to time.

 

I don’t know what should our relationship be called.  
Well. on the physical aspects, we both experience a lot about each other.  
We both know each other well, physically.

 

But if you’re talking about feelings.  
Each day, Mark slowly opens up and lets me discover the real person he really is.  
Contrarily, I shut him off, building walls between us and commanded myself not to feel anything towards him.

 

I might have known Mark in a way I believe he’d never let anyone into.  
But the me that Mark knows..is my usual self. I act like this to everybody else.

I’m kind, caring and selfless. It’s become my habits.

Honestly, I want to apologize to him.  
That I make him misunderstand that what he’s got from me is special when it’s really not.  
It’s not.

This is just..who I am.

 

Kind.  
Caring.

It’s my habits.

Not just towards him but to everybody.

That’s why I’m not totally surprised about my own feelings.

What I feel towards Mark,

It’s only ‘sympathy’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.


	11. Misunderstand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Mark’s POV]

He’s now here...on my bed, besides me.  
He hurts my feelings again and again, and yet there is never a second that I want him any less.

Whatever he offered to ‘sell’, I would still ‘buy’. All just so I can still touch him.  
His fair skin, his body, even if it’s just the outer physical that I could lay my hand on, I’ll take it for granted.

 

I hug him in my arms, holding him, making love to him every single day. By that, I stopped asking for any of his empathy, his feelings nor his love.

What we’re doing is just ‘trading’, his body to the money he’d get.

There is a time when he smiles happily. That is when I pay him.  
I hopelessly think that happiness would intricate his feelings, and some day it will eventually turn into love.

Even while we’re on bed, it’s not the same as before, not just having sex but I’m making love to him. Trying so hard to make him satisfied, more than trying to sate my own desire.  
Whenever he cry in pain, it suddenly freezes me.  
Even if the dark lust insides tells me to continue, I have kept my sanity and stay still, pressing our lips together to calm him down, hands touch over his sensitive spots to ignite his desire.

 

There’s no more cruel torture nor rough sex.  
There’s only tight hugs and soft nudges below, gentle yet sometimes lustful.  
Just enough to sate both of us.

 

My heart always skips a beat when we’re on bed and Jinyoung’s lip curls up into a smile.  
Even the slightest smile, I would cherish and remember what would make him lose himself like that.  
And when there’s a chance, I would repeat that and hopefully it would make him smile to me again.

Jinyoung moans and lets his breath out.  
We both kiss each other passionately and no one backs off the kiss first.

 

Even with all that happened, I still want Jinyoung.  
My desire to touch him would never be sated so easily.

The only thing that stopped me is..when he slumped back onto bed and laying there exhausted.  
That stops my insanity, so that Jinyoung remains happy as he is.  
No more pain, no more suffering.

I wish that he would be so happy that it’s addicting, to the point that he can’t bear losing this satisfaction.

 

Like I am.

 

A person like me doesn’t know any way to persuade someone to stay with me better than just two methods.  
Money  
Sex  
And I’m taking both of them as advantages on Jinyoung.

That..is all I know about keeping a relationship.

 

I place some money for Jinyoung besides the bed, then stepping into the shower to get ready for work.  
There’s no time left for breakfast.

“Hey, wait a few minutes. I’ll prepare the lunch box.” Jinyoung says while getting up from bed, slowly sitting up first.  
He still wants to cook even if I’ve already woke him up at early morning.

“Never mind, Jinyoung. You should rest.” I tell him and he nods, slumping back onto the soft mattress.  
His big black eyes are opened wide, staring at me.  
And it looks just like a kitten that tries to persuade his master not to leave him.

 

When actually it’s not.  
He just stares like that heartlessly, not a glimpse of feelings are shown.

 

After getting all dressed, I step towards the bed and plant a kiss onto Jinyoung. Then it’s the time for work.

His heart is out of reach, but I’m content with just being able to lay a hand onto his physical body.

So near, yet so far.

 

Just..don’t leave me.  
It doesn’t matter if he’s staying because of I paid well, or out of pity.  
I don’t mind his reasons since they would probably hurt me.

 

 

Two weeks left.  
Two weeks to persuade him to marry me and stay with me forever.

 

Jinyoung has always been the same, no more, no less.  
That means his feeling doesn’t change nor waver.

 

Why is it so hard?  
So hard to change someone’s mind, someone who doesn’t love you, to just notice my existence.

 

However, there is one thing I’m sure of. I would never let him go.  
If I cannot change his feelings, then I’m okay with dealing some business with me as long as he’s still in my sight.

 

Last week, after we’re back from the party, apart from our connection at night, we both drifted apart in the day.  
We still have passionate sex, love making to be exact, which occurred less frequent since I don’t want to exhaust him.  
Yet in daytime, we have less and less conversations.  
I will sit in my own corner, leaving Jinyoung doing what he likes, be where he wants,

 

I would sit in front of the television, let all pictures and sounds brushed through my sight without registering anything.  
Jinyoung would read, and when the clock ticks he would cook.

We talk to each other less, just like that.

 

Maybe that happened because I am so lost and don’t know how to act after that pride of mine had crumbled to pieces.  
These walls that I started to built, one reason is to protect myself.

I’m afraid, so afraid that his answers would hurt me again.  
So I’ve learned not to ask.

 

 

Jinyoung himself also backs away from me.

We both talk to each other less, no one would initiate any type of conversation.  
In the opposite, our physical contact became more intimate, more daring and passionate.  
We both..miss each other’s touch.

Or maybe it’s just me that miss his gentle caress.  
Because Jinyoung is just doing his job, he would give it his all like always.

I’m not hurting him anymore. Instead, I try to be gentle with him, to please him, so he suffered less.  
That’s all.

 

I don’t want to hope highly because when that hope is shattered, the bitter taste of pain is unbearable.  
In my life, every time I hope for something, I would always end up disappointed.

 

“Sir, the customer wants to postpone the meeting for tomorrow.” My secretary rings me up.  
That means I can go home since I just finished signing everything.

 

I sweep the documents off the desk and rush home to Jinyoung. This is a good opportunity to take him for a date.  
Where should I take him? Dinner? Shopping? Or just an ordinary sightseeing like every tourists would want to?  
Jinyoung is also a foreigner in this land. LA has never been short of tourists.

 

It’s not rush hours, so I get home pretty quick.

While driving, I spot a familiar figure walking towards the subway.

It must be Jinyoung there, that shirt he always wears, his gestures and his fast yet careful steps.

 

He comes here again. That idea worries me. Last week, we talked less yet slept together every day.  
So I did pay him a good amount, enough for him to run away from me.

 

I jump off the car as soon as it’s parked.

Wanting to know where will he go.

 

LA is always crowded and Jinyoung isn’t aware that someone will follow him.  
I buy one-day ticket so I could get off at any station.  
Hiding in the back of other passengers in the same bokey, I succeed in following him to the next few stations where he gets off.

 

Leaving some distance and using the benefits of crowded people around the area, I manage to follow him unnoticed.  
Jinyoung exits the subway station. There is a man waiting for him , the same one that I met at the bookstore.

That stuns me.

 

Jinyoung…

The man steps closer to him and throw his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulder comfortably. They then walk down the street together.

I just stood there in awe, not knowing I should follow them or just go back.

 

What I just saw sent a chill down my spine, I feel so numb from head to toe but my heart burns hot.  
And it is clutched just by the image to the point I’m so curious that how many times could our heart be shattered.

 

Jinyoung comes to other man, right?

 

 

How long has he been doing this? How many times? What was he doing?

At last, I decide to follow them, steps turn into running.  
If it’s a week ago, I would probably snatch him and drag him home with me.

 

But now, I don’t even have the strength to breath.

 

They walk towards a restaurant.

Along the way, Jinyoung smiles and laughs brightly. I’m not so blind that I wouldn’t notice how happy he is.  
Those glittering eyes, that bright smile, talkative personality and happiness is shown, those that never happened before me.

I love this side of him, yet I also hate it now.

 

I love how he is so bright, so happy and his laugh can light up the whole world.  
But I hate how all of these never happened because of me.

 

This is enough.

I go back to the subway, decide to wait at home.

By the time I walk up the station, my car is restricted because I parked illegally. So I take a cab back home.

I reach for a bottle of liquor, hoping I can drink the worries away.  
But I can’t.

 

What is Jinyoung doing right now? How often do they meet?  
How long has he been doing this?  
…  
What are they doing?

..

 

I don’t mean to look down on Jinyoung but at this point, the jealousy takes the control over me.

Hours passed that I waited, Jinyoung still isn’t home.

 

Finally, the door creeks.

Half an hour before the usual time that I got home every day.  
It’s almost like he wants to hide the fact that he’s out from me.

 

My lips curl up bitterly, the corner of my eyes burn hot.  
Pathetic. For the past week, I’ve been working harder just so I can get home a minute earlier.  
Each day just so I can see Jinyoung when I’m home.  
Just so I can watch him from my corner in front of the television.

And he did this to me.

 

Jinyoung is startled when he sees me. But he doesn’t greet me, in fact, he never initiated any conversation between us this past week.

 

Or maybe it’s not necessary for us to talk anymore, since he’s been talking so much with someone else out there.

 

“Where have you been?” I ask, trying to keep my own voice calm from anger. However, the alcohol in my vein doesn’t help me faking.

“Just…....been out for a walk.”  
…  
Okay.

If he want to keep it a secret, then let it be so.

 

“Ah.”

“Why are you home early today?” His kind smile flashes at me like he always did.  
“Sorry then.” I snap. Jinyoung’s face pales with that scowl but he doesn’t speak anything more.

I watch the way he walks around, trying to spot any clues that he hasn’t been doing anything about sex.  
But it’s hard to judge with so many layers of clothes on.

 

“Jinyoung, let’s shower.” I say and he just nods, no more protest or refusal.

My hands reach out and pull him closer to strip him off.  
The fragrance that I once caught from him a long time ago can be detected when he’s close enough.  
I have to try so hard not to grab him and hurt him like I used to.

 

“You…..should shower first. I need to go out.”

 

I just say a random lie and push him off. He stares back, confused. But he still keeps quiet.

I grab my wallet, my phone and then step out of the house.  
Taking another car that I haven’t used for ages, driving to the closest bar around the area.  
In hope that the strong liquor could calm my mind down.

 

My chest feels so tight, to the point it’s suffocating. Heart’s throbbing in pain.

I just sit alone at the bar, quietly since I want silence to accompany me now.  
Glasses of liquor are ordered continuously. They poured down my throat while my head runs around one thought.  
The thought of Jinyoung going out to see someone else.

 

What do I have to do?  
I can’t lose him, can’t live without him. Undeniably, he is the missing pieces in my life.

 

So, do I have to ignore the idea, forget what I saw to keep him with me?  
Jinyoung doesn’t have any reason to stay with me other than ‘money’.  
And if one day, he feels like they are enough, he would just leave because now, he has somewhere to go to.

He has another choice, in contrast, I don’t.

 

I don’t have anyone else.  
Don’t want anyone besides me, except him.

 

So, if I bear with it, ignore it, will he still stay by my side?

Because I’m not capable of making him laugh brightly, so bright that it could light up the whole world.  
Because I can’t, then he has the choice to leave and stay where he is happy.

 

More liquid pours down my throat. Its bitter taste and the alcohol dulls my thought bit by bit.  
To the point I know I need to stop if I still wish to go home, so that’s when I got up and drive home.

Fortunately, it’s late in the night so there’s not much cars or people. With so little consciousness left, I manage to arrive safely.

 

When I step in the house, Jinyoung is still watching TV.  
Then he turns back to see me, black orbs widen and he rushes towards me.

So my legs act on its instinct, giving out some of my own weight onto him.

 

“Mark.” He calls in hope to check if I’m still there while dragging me to the bed and take my shoes and socks off.

 

The next feeling is warm, soft towel that wipes my face and neck.  
My head feels so heavy and the world seems to turn upside down.

The only thing I could tell myself is that Jinyoung is here.  
The only thing I could feel is the numbness in my heart.

My arms reach out to pull him into my chest.

 

“Jinyounggggg.” I call his name out so loud, so desperate, even if he is just in my arms, not the distance of miles away.  
“Ah.”

“Jinyoung…”

 

I use every consciousness that’s still there to stop myself from saying anything else besides his name.  
I’m so afraid, fear that he would use this opportunity of me being so weak to escape.  
Run away to a better life, with someone else that could make him smile and laugh.

 

“Jinyounggg!”

“I’m here, Mark. I’m right here.” His delicate hand holds mine up to his own sheek,  
I caress his fair skin gently.

 

I love him so much.  
Love...only brings pain.  
Despite knowing the fact, I hate myself that can’t resist falling for him.

 

My fingers trace along his beautiful features lightly.

 

A phrase keeps ringing in my head repeatedly.  
That I have to muster all strength that is left not to blurt it out.

 

Because Jinyoung would feel uneasy over it.

 

‘Can I be your one and only?’  
…

 

But more than the fear that he would feel uneasy,  
I’m more afraid that he wouldn’t feel anything.

 

[Jinyoung’s POV]

Mark keeps calling my name again and again. His eyes are filled with tears but they didn’t shed a drop.  
The smell of alcohol that surrounds him isn’t what I have seen before.

 

He’s asleep now. I wipe off his sweat and take off his shirts.  
Well, he never slept with any clothes on, sometimes in his bathrobe though. It’ll be too hard for me to dress him anyway.

I press the clean towel over his body to clean him up probably. He should sleep well since he’ll need to go to work tomorrow.

 

Mark changed.  
These days, I feel like he tried to keep the distance. If it’s because he’s getting bored of me, then I can’t do anything about it.  
Moreover, there’s only two weeks left. So I don’t have to try being good or anything.  
I’m always the same anyway.

 

The truth is, when Mark is the one drifted away, I don’t know how to bridge the gap.  
I’m not even dare trying since Mark is the type that would say his demand out loud himself.

 

I thought he might be bored of me, but actually I’m not sure about it.  
All because every time we share the bed, I can feel that he tried to be more gentle, more caring, and undeniably, there’s more of the happy elements.

He looks satisfied as he was.  
But then, sex is one thing and daily life is another.

He stills wanted me in bed but he might not want to talk to me.  
That’s all it’s about.

 

It’s weird that I feel uneasy, not used to the silence when we’re together.  
Or the dead air in the morning before he leaves.  
Normally we would have some conversations, small chats. But what’s left now is just physical contact and we both drifted off into sleep.  
Even if we’re still in each other’s arms.

 

I flip the blanket over him and brush off the hair that drapes down his forehead.

When is the last time I saw him smiled? I can’t recall anymore.

 

 

Today I visited Shownu hyung because this past week we’ve been having sex almost every night.  
And Mark pays me more than he ever had, without any explanations.  
My guess is because I know better about how to please him, accept and give out the passionate touches.  
He must be satisfied, so that’s why he paid.

 

I’ve probably got enough for Jimin’s scholarship fee.  
But I don’t know how to transfer them since I’m in a foreign place.  
So I thought of Shownu hyung, he is a great choice for me to ask of his help.  
Because he’s been here longer,  
And he can be trusted.

 

That means…  
I don’t have any reason to stay with Mark anymore.

 

I can just stand up and leave him here like this.

 

But his hand still gripped on my wrist even when he’s asleep, as if he’s afraid of letting go and I’ll just vanished.  
It’s just two more weeks anyway. I don’t have to rush, moreover, I’ll gain myself some budgets for living here or even return to Seoul.

 

Slowly, I sneak into his arms, the position I’ve become used to.  
His heat is the same. His hug feels like yesterday. His breath is rhythmatic like it always was.  
His fragrance, the odor of his shower cream, makes me relaxed into the familiar environment.

 

Placing my arms around his body, I look up at his face.

 

If I return to Seoul, how would Mark be?  
Will he pick anyone to fill in my place? Who is the next owner of this hug?  
And what about me? How would I be?

 

It has become my habits to sleeping in his arms every single day.  
Even in the night like this, when he isn’t the one who wraps the hug around us, I’m the one that sneak into one, hugging him closer so that I could sleep.

 

The next morning, I think I should wake up earlier to cook something for him, something suitable for after-drunk so that he could still go to work.  
When that thought came in, I reach for the alarm and set it earlier than usual and slip back into our hug.

His breath is filled with alcoholic odor.  
I don’t know what’s his burden, but him acting like this makes me worry.  
I do care for him.

 

 

 

The alarm sounds off and I push myself up to sit. A hand reach to press it since I still want Mark to sleep more.  
This is earlier than usual and he was drunk yesterday, rest would be needed.

 

I get up to finish my daily routine then cook some chicken soup for him.

Not the usual creamy soup since his appetite won’t be so well this morning.  
It’s the plain chicken soup and some garlic bread to give him some energy.

 

Of course, I don’t forget to make him a lunchbox, some soup, veggies and mashed potatoes.  
Spicy or creamy food wouldn’t suit him today. These simple meal would be easier to eat.

He’s still sleeping so I also prepare his clothes, going for simple choices so that he will be comfortable in it.  
Then I wake him up.

 

He presses his hand on his forehead, probably the hangover headache so I hand him a glass of water.

Mark receives and downs it then gets up for his daily routine and sits for breakfast.

He stares at me, his face emotionless but sometimes looks so sad.

To the point I could guess he must encounter something bad.

 

But I’m no one to ask him anything.

So I just sit still.

 

“Can you drive? Or would you like to grab a taxi today?” I ask because yesterday, when I heard the brake in front of the house, I could guess how fast and dangerous he had driven.  
Mark nods, still not in his full conscious.

 

“Ah.” That’s all he answers so I don’t know what does he want. And strangely that makes me feel uneasy.  
Maybe he hates someone poking into his business, so I just walk out and sit down on the steps in front of the house.

It doesn’t take long when Mark follows. He glances at me and then signs.  
He then steps closer and hugs me. Due to familiarity, I lift my arms to hug him back, my head leans against his shoulder like I always did.

 

He presses his nose down against my skin. His hug tightens around me more.  
But I don’t feel uncomfortable even a bit.

 

“Yesterday...I can smell perfume.  
…  
I’ve said once that I like it more like this…”

 

Perfume…  
Probably is Shownu hyung’s.

 

He pushes me off his hug gently. His hands still on my shoulders.

“I don’t want to smell it ever again.” He looks into my eyes. His voice isn’t in the usual commanding tone, but pleading, almost like begging.

 

I nod and step closer to him.  
And lean in closer, close enough for my nose to touch his. We both shut our eyes and let our breathing become the same pace.

“I like this smell of yours more than alcohol too.” I say and that’s when Mark’s lips curl up into a slight smile.  
His pale face is painted with light red streaks. He nods and steps away to take a taxi.  
I wave him a goodbye with a smile.

Then that car is out of my sight in the next second.

 

 

I hate this familiarity of us.

It makes me feel as though I’m used to this, and when the parting came, it will make me miss him instead of being happy that I’m not bounded anymore.

 

I step back into the house since the air is starting to get chilly.  
And I’m still in my casual clothes, thin enough for the cool wind to make me shiver.

The day is the same. I just sit there watching TV.  
Chatting with Shownu hyung through mobile application.

Shownu hyung invites me to his birthday party at the restaurant this Saturday.

Which I really want to attend since he’s been so good to me.  
I would like to be there.

 

The only problem is it’s Saturday. Mark’s going to be home so not a chance that I can sneak out.  
If I want to go there, I need to say it directly.  
And he absolutely wouldn’t let me.

 

So I tell Shownu hyung the reason.  
And he suggests something that I didn’t thought about, but it’s worth a try.

‘Then just bring your boyfriend with you.’  
…

I also wanted Mark to get into some new society, I’ve always wanted it for him a long time ago.  
It seems not right for me to let Mark be into those horrendous party.  
Also, Shownu hyung’s household is filled with warmth.

If those two meet and they can make friends, at least when I have to go back to Korea, I would be confidence that Mark will have a true friend here.

 

But if they didn’t get along,...if that happened, I’ll think of something else.

It’s worth a try. If Mark doesn’t want to go, then maybe he’ll let me.  
This past week, he didn’t even bother to talk to me anyway.

 

Lying there at the couch, I surf the internet to look for Shownu hyung’s birthday present but there’s not any interesting thing.  
Without knowing when, I fall asleep like that.

 

I wake up when warm breath is felt against the nape of my neck.  
Obviously, my eyes open to the sight of Mark.

 

“You’re early.” I greet him, smiling when I notice he’s not so pale anymore. The hangover must have passed.  
Mark raises his eyebrows. Well, he must notice something in my smile.

His nose sneaks down my neck, then he also smiles slightly when he realizes there’s only my natural fragrance.  
Not any perfume is on.

 

“Are you tired?”  
“Ah. I wake up early to cook you the soup. Chicken took time to cook properly, so I have to spare some time.” I say and Mark returns me a smile.  
“Then have a rest.”  
“It’s okay. I’m awake now.”

 

…  
He nods, pulling off his suit and tie.

My throat feels so dry when I’m about to open up to ask him about attending Shownu hyung’s birthday party, but I really want to be there.

“Mark.”  
“Hmm?”

“This..Saturday, are you busy?”  
“Why?”

 

“Erm...I want to invite you to my friend’s birthday party.”  
“Your friend?”  
“Yep, the one we met a the bookstore.” I muffle the answer. Mark stands still, not angry or pissed off like I thought he might be.

“OK. But I want one thing in exchange.”

Now there it is…..

 

“What is it?”

“You have to hold my hand when we’re there, ‘all the time’.” He says in his poker face. My eyes widen, not understand what will it be for.  
Well, if I really do it, Shownu hyung would tease me to death but it’s worth a trade.

 

“Yeah. Sure.” I smile at him.


	12. One-sided

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Jinyoung’s POV]

Finally it’s Saturday. I wake up and get ready before Mark is up.  
And wrap up the present for the birthday boy.

Now I’m waiting for Mark, getting dressed for the day.  
He takes more time than usual, seems like he tries to delay the meeting.  
Waiting on the couch, Mark soon comes out of the shower. Instead of getting dressed, he steps towards me and press a kiss on my neck.

Erm...I guess we’re late now and he doesn’t look like he’s in a hurry.

“Er...Mark.” I try to oppose his play by pressing my voice deeper than usual and backing off his warm lips.  
Mark doesn’t even budge. He then goes on to get dressed.  
In much more slower pace than usual, of course in attempt to irritate me.

 

“Hey, if you’re so slow, I’m fine going without you though.” I start getting moody because he sure is trying to play me.  
Mark turns to raise his brow at me, eyes making contact.

“Do you think you have the rights to do that?” It’s not quite a question but a statement to remind my status.

 

I sigh, knowing I can’t win this and just sit back onto the couch.

Mark’s wearing a shirt and a coat. Those clothes hug around him perfectly, making him look so fine.  
In contrast, I’m in a plain peach jersey and jeans. We look like we’re not going to the same place.

Moreover, his hair is up showing his forehead, making him look more handsome.  
However, it does take ‘time’ for him to look so good and we’re late now.

“Why? You can’t wait?”  
“A little more and it’ll pass Shownu hyung’s birthday.already.” I say this just because it’s really take so long.  
“If that’s true, then we don’t have to go to the party anymore.” He responds in his poker face. So I just keep quiet when there’s no point to argue with him.  
“Where is it? We’re going in my car.”

…

There’s no answer from me because I don’t know the address. I was going there by subway so I didn’t remember any streets’ name.  
But if I describe the way, Mark will know that I’ve been visiting him frequently.

“Erm..I’ll ask him.” I pick up my phone to text Shownu hyung.

Mark just glances at me silently.  
His eyes drop on the monitor, showing our chat history. Of course, he doesn’t understand since we were using Korean.  
I hand him to read the address. Mark receives my phone and sweeps his fingers up to older chat history. That’ll surely make him know I texted Shownu hyung almost everyday.

 

That makes me worry. If he’s able to understand, I won’t be so worry.  
We’re just talking like friends, like everybody’s supposed to talk to a familiar person in a foreign land.  
Asking if another is fine, sharing information about visa and groceries locations.

But Mark can’t understand a letter.

I’m petrified seeing Mark’s emotionless face. There’s no way I could guess what’s on his mind.  
Moreover, he may change his mind and decides not to let me join the party today.  
But he steps onto the car, and of course, I didn’t forget about what we had agreed  
About us holding hands.  
…  
Mark grabs my hand right when we’re both seated on the car, and never let go since.

 

…

 

Driving does take more time than taking the subway.  
Finally, we arrive at Shownu hyung’s house.

Mark entwines his fingers with mine, not just normal hand holding.  
Our hands are tied together in a way that everyone would know what he is to me.

I didn’t refuse or deny because he’s taken me here.  
And since I’ve promised this in exchange of us being here.  
Actually, guys holding hands can be seen frequently back in Korea.

 

I lead Mark into the restaurant, greeting Shownu hyung and his wife with a bow. Today te restaurant is opened to business only at the outdoor zone.  
At the indoor zone, Shownu hyung’s favourite music is being played, lights and decorations are up for Christmas since it’s already December.  
There’s also a banner saying ’Happy Birthday’ hanging across the wall, not much luxurious but they looks so warm, so loving.

No doubt, Shownu hyung is loved by Rose, his wife, so much.

They didn’t invite many people. There’s just me, Mark, Rose and several neighbours.  
I don’t have a chance to greet anyone since one of my hand is occupied by the man besides me.  
Shownu hyung stares at me, then at Mark. His gaze leads down to our hands and his brow raises in questions.

I can’t do anything other than curl my lips up for him and he just nods slowly, smiling teasingly at us.  
Well, he always maintains his poker face since now.

 

If I can let go of Mark’s hand, I would step in to pinch him since it’s not what he thought at all.  
Well, actually I’m not sure what he thinks we are too.

 

Shownu hyung and Rose steps in to welcome me and Mark.  
“Hello, I’m Shownu.” Shownu hyung introduces himself politely and Mark responds with a nod.  
They shake hands with Mark’s available hand.

“I’m Mark. Nice to meet you.” I’m relieved that Mark greets him back politely, regardless of what happened last time.  
Actually, my other purpose of being here with him is for Mark to meet some new friends.

“I’m Rose.” Shownu hyung’s wife introduces herself while Mark still has no idea that these two are married.  
He looks confused but remains silent.

 

“Here’s your birthday present. Don’t open it ‘til I go back, alright?” I point my finger at him in action of commanding, but he receives it and acts like he’s opening it right now.

“Hey!!!!”  
“Hahaha. I’m kidding.” He laughs at my response and so do I. Then I lead Mark to our seats.  
“What would you like to drink?” asked the birthday boy.  
“Mark, some beer?” He turns to ask Mark. He’s stunned for a second then nods.  
“What about you, Jinyoung?”  
“Beer is okay. Any tasty one?” I ask because I still remember the taste of what Jackson handed me at the party. It’s a good one, sweet and sour good-grade beer.’  
Shownu hyung nods and was about to step into the kitchen to get them.  
But Rose stops him, and takes him back to a seat near us.

“You should have fun today, it’s your birthday anyway.” She smiles at him lovingly. Her eyes and voice show her love for him like a open book. That makes me feel so happy that Shownu hyung’s lucky enough to meet a good person that loves him so much.

 

So it’s Rose’s duty to serve drinks and some snacks for us.  
Actually I would like to help, but Shownu hyung says it’s her habits to take care of others.  
Today Rose also looks so happy since Shownu hyung wouldn’t let her take care of him much.

 

We talk in English to let Mark understands the conversation, even if he’s just sitting there without a word.  
Well, his hand is still tangled with mine. And it’s so strange that I don’t feel nervous or embarrassed, it’s so familiar.

 

I guess Shownu hyung’s starting to feel uneasy with Mark just sitting there silently, listening to us talking. That’s when he directs the conversation over Mark.

“How’s my little brother? Is he a good boy?” Shownu hyung asks Mark stating clearly what we are. Mark pauses at the word ‘brother’.  
I also turn to look at him, anticipating his answer.

 

“He didn’t get a chance to be naughty. But if he has one, he would be very troublesome.” Mark answers with me frowning at it.  
The corner of my lips went down as it always it when I’m pissed.  
Actually, what irritates me the most is the way Shownu hyung bursts out a laugh.

 

“Hey, what’s so funny?” I scowl at him so he shakes his head in response.

“He has been earning his own living since he was a kid, so he always had to make the decisions for himself. That’s why he seems so confident of himself.” Shownu hyung explains to Mark.  
“You two know each other since you were kids?” Mark asks, he looks more relieved at the fact.  
“Our house is the opposite. Actually, I’ve seen him since he’s still in his mother’s womb. He’s like my brother.” Shownu hyung says the last sentence clearly while making eye contact with Mark, his voice gives out the vibe that makes people believes his words. And Mark nods at the statement.

 

I take a sip on the beer opened before me.  
“This one isn’t so sweet.” I murmur, it’s not so tasty unlike the other day.

“Here. Try this one.” Shownu hyung hands me his own glass, tipping it so I could drink from it. I get up to sip from it.  
While backing off to sit back in my seat, Mark wraps his arm around me and pull me up onto his laps.

Shownu hyung stares at me with a teasing smile. My face automatically brushes. I’ve never thought I would be in this state before him who I’ve known for a long time.  
I tried to get off Mark’s hold but he doesn’t let me.

So other than holding his hand, now his arms are around me and his face also rests on my shoulder.

 

I know I can’t do anything so I just stop protesting.  
They continue the conversation. Shownu hyung initiates questions and Mark responses.  
That’s when I realize Mark is great at socializing with people. Actually I had some clues when he takes me to the company’s party.  
It has always been his work anyway. That makes me feel more relax for today.

 

“Jinyoung, could you please give me a hand?” Rose calls for me so I nod and turn to Mark.  
“Mark. I’ll be back very soon.”  
“Where’re you going?”  
“In the kitchen. I’ll be cooking some delicious dishes for you.” I try to impress him, it’s not my intention to plead him like this.  
But I’m in his arms and he wraps me around so tight, if I don’t find a way to be release, Rose would be waiting too long.

 

“Ok. Then go.”  
“So you need to let me go then.” I say. He says I could go but his chin is on my shoulder, his arms are around my waist and he didn’t let go of his hand either. How would I go like this?

“Hey. You really don’t know how to please your boyfriend. Kiss him and you’re good to go.”  
“Shownu hyung!!” I snarl at him but when I turn back to Mark, his eyes glitter at the idea and he’s grinning so wide.

Do I really need to do it?

 

Before everyone’s eyes??  
.  
.  
Ok, whatever.

I close my eyes and press a quick peck on Mark’s lips. Mark’s grin turns into a smile.  
Then he releases me. I feel my face burning hot and my gaze drops on the floor, shy of what I’ve just done.

I quickly step into the kitchen. She must have planned to cook some Korean dishes for Shownu hyung but it’s not her expertise.  
So that’s why she calls me in.

She’s so caring and kind.

 

The kitchen isn’t far away and it has a window to let the chef see the restaurant. I look out at them, worried.  
Seeing Shownu hyung and Mark drinking and chatting, getting along so well, I smile at the view.  
I pause when Mark turns towards me, my eyes escape his contact and then slowly look up again.  
Just to realize he is still staring at me, he smiles and turns back to continue the conversation.  
My heart wavers just by that smile, his usual gentle and friendly smile when he’s in a good mood,  
His smile that feels like he’s teasing the way I didn’t make eye contact with him and then gaze up just for our eyes to meet again.

 

I smile lightheartedly and continue cooking.

“Jinyoung, so that’s your fiance, right?”  
“Ah...yes. Actually we’re still in the trial period.”  
“He practically falls so deep for you. You two surely would get married.” Rose states her opinion while her hand doesn’t stop stirring Kimchi soup.  
My duty is chopping and putting the ingredients into the soup.

I freeze at the idea.

“Perhaps.”

Getting married…

I’ve never thought about it…

 

No, it’s more like I’ve stopped thinking about it.

Actually, I’ve never planned what I’ll do after the contract expired. I just want to find a work here, earning some more. When I’ve got enough, I might go back to Korea to visit my family, then come back to work here, or I might even not come here anymore.

I haven’t thought about it.

 

One thing that I’ve already decided is when Mark takes me back to the Matchmaker service, I’ll cancel the contract.  
And then live with Shownu hyung while I’m finding a place to live and a work.

 

When that time comes, I won’t be able to live like this anymore.

Mark is sometimes cruel, but if I remove the fact that I’m trading my pride for the living now,  
The life now is the most comfortable in my life.

…  
We finish the dishes and set up the table.

 

Mark smiles when he sees there’s his favorite menu, the Kimchi soup. He snatches me back into his arms.  
It’s not like I’m away for that long, huh.

 

But I still lean into his chest, it feels so familiar.

“It’s spicy today.” I warn Mark because Shownu hyung likes it more spicy. Mark nods, acknowledging.  
I fetch some in his bowl, blowing it before handing to him. There’s also a galss of water that I’ve prepared first handed.  
Mark’s face has light red streaks since he’s been drinking beer with Shownu hyung while we’re cooking.  
Rose sits besides Shownu hyung, joining the conversation.  
Her eyes land on Shownu hyung, reflecting love and care.

 

My hand is still holding Mark’s. They’re on Mark’s thigh, the spot that doesn’t intended to show the affection but it’s more like the bond reminds us both that we’re here for each other.

 

I smile and laugh while Mark and Shownu hyung are talking. A warm feeling surges up in my heart while seeing them getting along well, perhaps it’s a relieve, maybe.

I drink, talk, smile and laugh until my head feels heavier and heavier ‘til I want to just rest it on the table.  
So I just rest it on Mark’s shoulder when I can’t resist it anymore.  
I’ve never drank so much in my life, but today the atmosphere is so happy and I feel safe. So that’s why I didn’t refrain myself from drinking.

 

“Are you drunk?” A strong arm wraps around my shoulder and a hand pats my head gently.  
“Huhhhhh.” I refuse. Mark laughs, stroking my hair and signal Shownu hyung to change my glass into water instead of beer.  
I didn’t protest, in fact I’m so sleepy that I just snuggle up again Mark.

 

People noise is drifting far away, when actually they’re just nearby.  
The only thing I feel is a warm hand that stroke my hair and repeated kiss against it, they’re so warm , so gentle that I let myself nestle against this warmth.

 

“Rest a bit first, okay?” I feel myself being wrapped up in familiar warmth and fragrance.  
Then it’s the soft mattress against my back, but the feeling isn’t anywhere warm like when those arms are around me.

“Ughhh.” I cooed. Even with my vague conscious I could tell I’m going to be left alone.

 

Then the sweet, gentle kiss is placed on me again, not on the head but on my lips.

“Rest a little while. Then come back out there, okay?” A deep, gentle voice whispers against my ear, that familiar hand stroking my hair yet again.

“Mark..where’re you going?” I coo, hearing his chuckle in response.

“It’s not a good manner for us both to disappear from the party. You can rest a little while, when you feel better, then come back to the party, alright?”  
My eyes droop down, feeling a little neglected that I’m being left alone.

“Mark.”  
If you don’t let me be out there, than could you just stay here?

 

I lay there, displeased. Maybe because I’m drunk that my heart feels so faint, eyes burn because I want to cry.

“Now you’re acting like a kid, neh?” He pushes my head teasingly, climbing onto the mattress.  
Then lend his arm as a pillow, I snuggle up against his heat like it’s so familiar, like it’s my instinct.  
It takes seconds for me to drift off to sleep, but subconsciously I still know Mark’s withdrawing from the touch.  
Falling into sleep, I don’t have any strength to hold him back. The only thing I can remember is a drop of tear that runs down my eye uncontrollably before I drift into the sleep.

 

[Mark’s POV]

 

I step back to the table. Strangely, It’s so relaxing, unlike when I’m in those parties with the so-called ‘friends’. I don’t have to be so cautious or trade anything to gain some acknowledgement.  
Here, we chat and talk about ordinary life.

Because of my business, my social skills are decent, that’s why I can blend in well.  
Actually, it’s not too hard from the start. From time to time, I would glane towards the room where Jinyoung’s sleeping.  
This is the first time I’ve seen him getting drunk. He completely turns into a child, so cute that I would like to hug him, kiss him, didn’t want to leave him there alone.  
But I can’t, not now.

 

I could just get us home but Jinyoung would pouted and scolded me for not letting him join the Birthday cake time. That’s why I let him rest for a bit.  
He’ll get better soon and come out to join us again.

 

“Is he sleeping?” Shownu asked so I nod, chuckled when the image of Jinyoung flaccidly lean onto me pops up in my head.  
“Yeah. He’s just like a child.” Shownu laughs back at my answer.  
“Being so cute, actually he’s a very strong man, you know?” Shownu said.  
“I already told you my story and you said I was a fighter, but I fought for myself alone. In Jinyoung’s case, he has many more on his shoulders. As soon as he finished high school, he took over the role of household leader, feeding three more people apart from himself.” Shownu tells Mark a story I’ve never known, and I pay attention to it.

“He started working part-time since he was still in high school and gradually, it becomes full-time when he graduated. Of course, he can’t afford universities fee.  
What he did is working for his younger sister’s tutoring fee. It’s just yesterday that he came to give me the money to transfer back to Korea. He said it’s some kind of scholarship signing up fee.  
If not for his family’s sake, he wouldn’t take it so far as being here. In Korea, he worked as a waiter. It would earn enough just for one person. Jinyoung needs to earn three times more for is family, plus the university studying fee. It’s impossible there. That’s why he is here.”

 

Shownu’s face turns red because of all the beers he’s been drinking, telling all sorts of stories about Jinyoung which I listened to attentively.

Money…..right?

 

His younger sister’s scholarship fee.  
Took the role of the household’s leader since high school graduated.

 

There is a moment when I suddenly got jealous of Shownu, knowing Jinyoung so well. When I am the one who doesn’t know the simplest thing about him.

’If you want to have me, then pay.’

 

The image in my head flashes back to the day when he expressed his determination, his eyes not wavering, the smiles when I handed him money.  
I ask Shownu of the amount Jinyoung asked him to transfer,  
And soon discover that he gave almost all that I’ve given him to his family.  
Leaving just about 10% for himself.

 

My heart wavers, feeling so guilty because I had falsely accused him.

Why doesn’t he tell me?

Only a word. If his sister wants to apply for the university here, move to LA and stay together with him,  
I would make that possible for him.

 

Is it because he doesn’t trust me?

 

…

Jinyoung is a strange person.

 

Sometimes he seems like a child, so innocent, so fragile.  
Yet sometimes he is so mature, so strong both physically and mentally, stronger than me in some aspects.

Well, it’s not completely his fault since I’ve never asked him about his past.  
From now on, we would have some stories to share. I also would like to know what I’ve never known about him.

 

So that I would know what does he like and how to make him happy.  
About all the things that I could help him.

He’s not all alone anymore. His burden is like mine.

 

“He never told me about it.” I said, so Shownu places his hand on my shoulder to reassure me.

“You’re a very new piece in his life, in the aspect he’s never experienced before. Let him adapt, give him some time. He would gradually open up to you.  
But from what I saw, you two look like you’re in love.” I pause for a second then chuckle at Shownu’s statement.

Can ’one-sided love’ be called ’love’? Is life that easy?

 

We continue our conversation. Then go outside to clean up and close the restaurant when the night drops. People left until there’s only three of us; me, Shownu and Rose.  
Finally, Jinyoung comes out of the room. He looks confused and a little bit pissed.  
His hand places on his forehead.

 

Is he ok?

I step closer to give him a hand, arm wrapped around his waist to support him so he won’t fall.

“The lord has arrived! Let’s blow the candle.” Shownu’s joke makes Jinyoung laugh and mumbles sorry.  
I lead him to the empty seat and hand him a glass of water.

 

Now that I know his lifelong hardships, I want him to live comfortably and happily even more.

You don’t need to struggle for anything again.  
From now on, I’ll take care of you.

 

Jinyoung sits still. He looks like he still has some light-headed feelings left.  
Rose takes out the birthday cake and we all sing Happy Birthday to Shownu.  
Shownu makes a wish then blow the candle.

 

I just learn that Shownu is the one who suggested Jinyoung to apply for the Matchmaker service.

He doesn’t love Rose, but they can stay together.

 

He said it’s not too hard.  
One day, the passionate love you had when you’re young will die out but you would still stay together.  
Because you can, so he just skips the step of that passionate love.

 

Rose isn’t here when Shownu told me this.

My heart aches, because it’s so obvious that Rose loves Shownu so much. And it’s like I saw my own situation.

Is it the same with Jinyoung?

No love. But stayed, because he just could.

I dare not asking. But some parts deep inside me hope, that he who is leaning against me,  
Gestures that seems like asking me to stay together, they might be good signs to start anew with our relationship.

Jinyoung asks for more beers and I didn’t stop him. He might feel a little drop back because everyone else is drinking.

 

After a few glasses, he’s completely out.

“You two should go home. You also have drink a lot, drive carefully, ok?” Shownu says, so I get up and say goodbye.

Shownu walks us out, opens the door for me since I have Jinyoung in my arms.

 

I gently put him in the seat, lock the seatbelt in place for him.

“Wish you a happy birthday. And...thank you for Jinyoung.” I tell Shownu, if Jinyoung doesn’t come into my life. I would stuck with my old lifestyle, bathing in hatred and revenge.

He laughs and hugs me briefly like friends would do.

“Take care of him for me.” He glances at Jinyoung. I nod and then drive us home.  
I feel so stupid that he was the reason why I hurt Jinyoung so badly back then.

 

There were so many times that I was angry and pissed because of Jinyoung’s actions that I realize today that he wasn’t wrong, not even once.

 

Silly me.

 

When we arrive back at home, I take Jinyoung to our bed. It’s not too long because he gains conscious and gets off the bed, hands holding his own stomach.

I quickly guide him to the restroom. He vomits everything he’s consumed back out.  
I pat his back, worried, hope that it would make him feel better.

 

“Are you OK?” I ask and he nods back in response, so I let him sit on the couch.  
Then go into the kitchen to grab a glass of water for him.

 

“I shouldn’t drink so much.” He mumbles. I chuckles at his innocence and cuteness.  
“A shower? It makes you feel better.”  
“Ok.” He answers shortly. My eyes follow him around when he moves until he disappears behind the door. I’ve already told him not to lock the door, so if he needs any help, I could quickly go in.  
Shortly, he comes back in a bathrobe, sitting next to me on the couch.

I gaze upon his face, looking at the person I love, lifting my hand up o brush off his wet hair away from his forehead.

He turns to make eye contact with me. Back orbs alluring as always, he looks into me like he wants something.

 

“What do you want now, huh?” I ask. Jinyoung shakes his head, so I let the silence takes over the air.

 

“Mark.”  
“Hmm?”  
“Hug.”

…

My heart skips a beat.  
If I knew that he would act like this when he’s drunk, I would let him drink to his heart’s content long ago.

 

I pull him closer into my arms, hold his delicate hand up to my lips and press kisses onto it.  
The smell of soap still radiates off his skin. There’s no trace of the alcohol.

 

“Did you have fun?” Jinyoung mumbly asks.  
“Great.” I tell him, pressing a gentle peck onto his temple.

“Are you sleepy? Let’s go to sleep.” I say, picking him up and walk towards the bed. Knowing the fact about him has changed my thoughts on him. He’s so strong, so brave that I admire that side of him.

 

“You should have told me about your sister’s scholarship.” I start the topic. Jinyoung’s eyes widens, then he smiles back.

“It’s my burden. You don’t need to get involved.” His words make my heart waver. I pull him into a hug, arms wrapping around him tightly.

 

”So, what do I have to be to share your burden?” I whisper.

 

What do I have to do to get involve in his burden, be a part of his life.

I want everything of him to be mine.

 

I want to share his hardships, let them be a part of my worries.

When will he let me?

..  
..

 

“Mark….”


	13. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translating this chapter is hard for me since I’ve never written any smut before. Oops! Spoilers!!  
> BTW, sorry for the delay. I’m so busy with my clinical year. Hope I can find some time for the next chapter. See you soon.
> 
> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Jinyoung’s POV]

‘Mark.’  
…  
..

 

I’m not sure what Mark really means.  
I don’t even know what is this about anymore. 

Everything feels so unfamiliar. I thought I’ve grown up enough to decide anything about myself, that I’ve been through goods and bads.  
I’ve been independent since my young ages, earning a living for my family, thinking that it made me know all too well about how the world works. 

 

But this, all the feelings and emotions that are closing up tighter around us, it’s so new, so complicated.  
Both of us probably aren’t sure about what we are actually feeling.  
And those feelings always change its dynamics every single day, too fast that we both lost track of our own thoughts.

 

What I mean is, the past few days that Mark became silent and never talked to me, I thought it was because he’s bored of me.  
Since we were just staying together until the contract due and that’s when we should say goodbye. 

But right now, what does this feeling that is surging up in my chest mean?  
The warmth that closes around us, the familiarity that you hope would never ever change. 

There is a thought that begs for time to stop so that you could stay in this hug forever, the same arms that you were so afraid off. 

 

What about that heart sways that I felt when he speaks of my family’s financial problems?  
…  
I have so little experience in this aspect. What’s more, our relationship is completely not ordinary. It’s not like we were probably introduced to each other, fell in love, let the relationship takes two people into that ‘happily ever after’ life.

In fact, we met because of our painful past and background.  
And we both cut a new wound into each other’s life. 

So it’s hard for both of us, to accept each other since we know the flaws all too well.  
And I know I don’t love him enough to ignore those bad sides of him. 

His needs.  
Multiple sex partners.  
In a few years, when he’s bored of my body, I know he would easily abandon me and find a new partner.  
He would never care about how I feel. 

Drug abuse.  
Well, he’s not addicted to it. But he always gets exposed to those cocaines when he attended his parties. 

His angers.  
…

 

It’s like Mark has two completely different personalities, good and bad sides.  
So I am afraid, he’s too dangerous for an ordinary person like me.  
I cannot rely on him, cannot trust him enough to let him into my heart.  
Because when he owns it, I could never guessed when would he shattered it into pieces. 

 

“You don’t have to take on my burden. I can manage.”

 

I hate that how blatant smile and sorrowful eyes makes me feel worse,  
But I really meant what I said, it’s the truth.

 

I’ve grown up as an eldest brother of the household, being the one who earned our livings.  
I’ve never once thought I have to rely on anybody.

 

Mark nods, sighing and throw himself onto the bed, so I lay down besides him.  
Head resting on his chest, arms surrounding him as always.  
Every time I held him, I always feel relieved. It feels like ‘home’.

On top of that, the alcohol in my bloodstream does me a favor. I don’t hesitate to pull Mark a little bit closer.  
Mark chuckles at my action.

 

“You said you can manage without me, and then you act like this, huh.” He said tiredly but I guess he’s just teasing me.

I climb on top of him so that my chin is on his chest and I can look at him in the eyes.

“I didn’t mean that.”  
What I meant is my family’s problem should be mine.

 

But I didn’t mean I don’t like his presence, didn’t mean I hate his nearness and his warm hugs.

 

“I really can’t get what you really thinks.” He places his hand on my hair, gently strokes then and smiles warmly at me.

 

“Shownu told me you have transferred your sister’s scholarship fee yesterday, right?”

I pause, didn’t really think he would concern me that much to know all about it.

 

So I nod, no use lying anyway since he must know all about it.  
I swear I would scold Shownu hyung next time we met.

“Yep.”

“So that’s mean you doesn’t urgently in need of money anymore, right?” He asks. I pause to think that is there any urgent financial problems back at my home now.  
Well, it’s not that I’m in rush of getting the budgets, but I still would like to have some spares anyway.

 

“So…” He didn’t wait for my answer.

 

I stare at him, curiously anticipating what he will say.

“That means you don’t have to ‘sell’ every time anymore, right?”

I feel my own face flushed. His words are one reason, the other is his hands that are trailing at my back. They can clearly be interpreted into a demand.

He wraps his arms around me and switches our places.

When my back hits the softness of the mattress, Mark’s sparkling eyes is staring directly into mine. There is no explanation needed of what those looks mean.

 

“Erm...about that…”  
I can’t really think of a word to answer him.

 

“I wonder if there is a moment that we do it because we both want it, not because of other conditions.” He looks straight into my eyes while saying those words so naturally.

I blush, my throat suddenly went dry.

 

Of course, I have sex with him because of our ‘trade’. There is pleasure in it, physically.  
But I’ve never really thought that I want him, actually, he was doing it almost every day.  
There was no time for me to think about this issue.

 

This past weeks, we didn’t do it for a while. I thought it was because he’s bored of me.

Never thought that the reason would be this.

 

His firm hand touches my face, fingers gently brushing my cheek and then leading me closer until our lips press together.  
The kiss is slow. Our breaths mingle together sharing our warmth, the heat at my cheek makes me blushed even more.

Mark grabs my hand and press a kiss onto it, lips trailing along my fingers and finally capture one of them into his warm mouth, gently sucking on it.

Strangely, that warmth around my index spreads throughout my body, hundreds of butterflies are flying in my stomach.

His eyes pierce into mine until I’m the one that give up and turn away from that gaze.

 

“You’re very adorable today, do you know?” He whispers. My heart races with just that compliment.

Warm hand touches my neck, tracing up upon my face to my ear.

 

Closing my eyes, I tip my head to the other side to avoid the tickles but it doesn’t really help.  
My body heats up uncontrollably, just because Mark touches me so gently.

 

He pulls off the knot on my bathrobe but didn’t strip it off. He just trails his fingers along the exposed area.  
Then it’s the lips that follow, pressing buttefly kisses along my neck down onto my chest.

 

‘Ah...Mark.’

 

I twitch when he teases at the sensitive area, nipping and pressing kisses.

My hands wraps around his masculine back, prying on for some anchor.

His hands wander around my waist, massaging my hips to my inner thighs.

 

May be because of the familiarity, I practically melt into the touches.  
He knows it all about me, where and how to make me suffocate in pleasure.

 

Folding my knee up, he reaches into the center of pleasure.  
That warm hand trails along gently, heightening the sensations.

Slowly trailing along the length. 

Occasionally pressing down at the tip, circling and teasing me. 

 

I shiver at those sensations.

Right when I instinctively respond to the provocation, he backs off. 

 

“Ah..”  
I can’t help but protest. 

 

Mark diverses his next attack onto another sensitive area, fingers touching around the rim but not penetrating in.  
He’s such a tease. 

And my body heats up because of what he does. 

 

His little provocations wakes up my needs more than ever.  
It never happened. I was rushed into the pleasure each time. Never did we go slow. 

But today, he just touches the surface, not diving into it straight. He provokes and backs off, such a tease.  
Some strange feelings surge up in my body.  
My skin heats up because of that. 

 

“Mark…” I cry out, voice shaking, eyes looking at him sharply since I know he intended to do this. 

“Hmm?” He mumbles back, faking innocent. I can do nothing but staring at him while all the heats are still there. 

“Nothing..”  
Well..I could not bring myself to say anything.  
It’s embarrassing, isn’t it?

Mark raises his eyebrows and nods in acknowledgement. 

 

“Well, I’m going to sleep.” He says and lays down.  
I couldn’t believe he would really stop right here. 

Seems like he really means it, laying down and pacing his breath into a stable rhythm, intending to go to sleep.  
I sit up, still on the high.  
The heat of needs still running through my body. 

 

“Markkk.” I shake him by the shoulder. He’s still in his suit for the party, pretending to fall asleep.  
He never left me on edge like this before, never once. 

“What?” He opens his eyes, sly smile printed on his face. And that pissed me even more, he shouldn’t be so full of himself.  
“Nothing.” I lied, laying down besides him. It would take a while, but gradually this sensation will subside. 

Turning my back to Mark because of the way he teases me,  
I pull over the coat to mask a part of me that has betrayed its owner. 

 

Mark turns back and slides closer to my back, his chest touches my back, and his heat under his slacks also presses perfectly on spot, onto my hip. 

His arms circle around me, hand rests on my chest, stirring my sensitive spot again.  
Hot breaths felt against my neck, slowly the heat sinks into my skin, heightens the passionate sensations even more. 

 

My body that was starting to cool down heats up again in no time. I curl up against his chest like I always did. 

 

“You could just say it, that you want me.” Apart of those words, he grabs my subsiding erection, stroking along the shaft slowly, his warmth surrounded.  
It’s almost like the heat from his hand are absorbed and distributed all over my body.  
Too much pleasure felt, I shut my eyes giving in to the uncontrollable desire. 

I moan, unconsciously rolling my hips onto Mark’s crotch. 

He steps up the pace, bringing me on the edge yet again. 

“Ah…”

And then just right when I’m about to reach the top, he pauses. 

“Markkk.” I protest, breathes uneven. It’s too much, the pleasure, the desire.  
Just a little more, but I’ve been denied the end of the road. 

He’s so mean. 

 

I reach for myself to finish what Mark has started. I’ll never be the loser for this game. But he knows what I would do, he predicted it, so he grabs my hands with his one hand. 

 

“Jinyoung, you could just say it.  
Three simple words and I’ll grant your wish.”

It’s too much, the need, it’s unbearable.  
The way he bounds me down worsen it. 

I can’t help but give in. 

 

“Mark...I want you.”  
..  
“I’m just right here.”  
..

..  
He’s so mean, don’t you agree?

 

“I...want you to hold me.”

Right at the end of the sentence, he chuckles, amused at my demanding voice. 

 

Then he grabs me on top of his body.  
My bathrobe drops down, showing my shoulder and chest, white gowns falling just on his thighs, still under black fabrics.  
My hands were on his shoulder when he takes it onto his crotch. 

Without words said, I know what his body language means.  
And I’m in no mood for any embarrassment now. 

 

I pull the zipper down while he pulls the belt off.  
Releasing his erection without exposing any other part of his body, he’s also fully aroused and ready for what is about to happened. 

He grabs my neck and press our lips together. 

 

While I was sinking in that passionate french kiss, he guides my hips onto his lap, slowly pushing me down the way.  
It’s tighter and deeper than ever, and he suddenly found the right spot in no time. 

‘Ah…’

 

It stings and feels so tight, but I also know it will turn into other feelings in no time. 

Mark nips on my neck down onto my chest. 

I grind down slowly, being inexperienced. Mark guides me through his firm grips.  
In just a few thrusts, I move on by myself, catching onto the rhythm. 

 

It’s warm, it’s tight, it’s so intoxicating. 

“Ah..Jinyoung.” He cries, dwelling in the dark desire.  
We continue, letting the heat burns both of us into the flame. 

I look at him.  
His perfect face that expresses the pleasure we’re feeling hypes me up even more.  
I took control of the rhythm, catching the glimpse of Mark giving up his control to me. 

When he feels the pleasure, I also feel it with him. 

 

“Ah..” My lips crack into moaning, both of my arms tangle around Mark’s neck. 

The way he is still in his suit, concealing every part of his body apart from the crotch, in contrast of me wearing just a bathrobe that is meaningless since it has dropped off long ago, heightens up the heat even more. 

My body sways along the continuous rhythm. Mark starts thrusting up against me making both of us cry louder. 

 

‘Ah..M..Mark.’ I call out when the climax is nearing. 

He must also be closed. 

 

And he’s still the same impatient Mark, when he switches our places and took the liberty to speed up our pace. 

 

I can’t do anything but moan, hugging him tighter.  
He also groans deep in his throat. We both reach the climax in the next second. 

I slump into the bed, worn out and exhausted. 

When the heat of the moment starts to fade, it’s time for embarrassment to step in. 

What have I done.

My hands conceal my burning face, trying to disappear into the blanket.  
Mark laughs at my reaction. 

 

“You don’t have to be shy. You were so cute, don’t you know?”

 

I didn’t reply. Mark laughs brightly and comes closer to give me a back hug. He kisses my hair again and again. 

He didn’t try to have a second round like he always does, he usually would do it until I’m exhausted. 

This time, he just helps me up to shower, placing kisses repeatedly and we just drift off together.  
..  
So it’s not suffering like it always was.  
All that just happened, it feels so good, so warm.  
It’s different. I feel like it’s the first time we’re making love instead of just having sex. 

The first time...that we voluntarily do this without any ‘trade’. 

 

[Mark’s POV]

I glance at Jinyoung’s milky white skin that has some marks from me.  
He’s asleep, exhausted. 

My heart skips a beat when I think of what’s just happened. We both feel good without forcing anything.  
I’m so glad that he’s not rejecting me, instead he seems familiar to my touch and he seems...shy. 

 

A part of my heart hopes he would lower his walls.  
But maybe not now. 

 

He’s kind. That gives me the hope that he would forgive what I’ve done.  
If I behave, maybe he will overlook my wrongs. 

 

I’m not worried about the contract that will due shortly, because I’ll never let him go.  
My worries are that how would I persuade him to stay. 

He doesn’t want anything from me anymore.  
But for me, I need him. 

 

…  
I’ve never grown tired of kissing him.  
Fingers trail over his face gently, trying not to disturb his sweet dreams.  
Eyes lock on his beautiful features. 

My god, he’s so intoxicating. 

…  
..

 

I wake up to the sound of metals clashing from the kitchen.  
Opening my eyes, I see Jinyoung in the bathrobe, cooking.  
He moves around swiftly, unaware that I’ve already woke up. 

The sun ray shines through the window onto the smoke and his white skin.  
Painting the picture with bright colours and engraving some warmth onto my heart. 

Jinyoung’s move is so delicate, paying absolute attention into what he’s doing and it looks so attractive. 

 

There was a tale that talked about the world that will start a war to ravish a beautiful lady from other cities. I thought that is too exaggerating. 

..  
Or maybe it’s not.  
The image of Jinyoung here in front of me like this, I realize that every person on Earth would stop and stare.  
And if there is anyone who would lay a hand on him, that’ll be over my dead body. 

…  
..

I feels so good having him here.  
I want to wake up to this picture every day until I’m not opening my eyes anymore. 

“Hey. Are you hungry? Wait a bit, huh?” He turns to see me staring at him. So he greets me naturally.  
I nod in response, still lying on the bed watching his every actions.  
It’s like some people who love to watch the sunrise every morning.  
Appreciating the natural beauty that don’t need any glitz and glamour.  
…

 

When he nearly finishes, he comes to call me into the shower.  
I didn’t protest, though I want to keep looking at him. 

When I come out, he’s finished setting up the table. 

Getting dressed, I come to sit at the table. There are some Korean dishes and cream soup.  
It’s Sunday. I don’t have to rush to work, so he’s cooking more dishes. 

“Have you gained some weight?” He asks me. I shrug, how can I know when I’m not keeping track of something like this.  
Besides, look at what he cooks for me, how could I not. 

“Well, I could just done some more exercise.” I say, looking up at him with a sly smile and glittering eyes.  
He blushes, making the same face as he did last night after the sex that he controlled the rhythm. 

 

He didn’t make any other remarks, sitting down having our meals then gets up to do the dishes. 

“Would you like to go outside?” I step in besides him. He turns to look at me, making his usual dumb face back as he asks.  
“Where?”  
“I don’t know. Around the area maybe.” I said. Jinyoung smiles brightly and nods. 

He hasn’t showered yet, still in the bathrobe. 

“Go shower. I’ll do the dishes.” I told him, sincerely want to help.  
He stares at me unbelievably.  
“Go.” I repeat so he nods, trying to bite back his adorable smile. So I start washing the dishes, even though I’ve never done it before. 

Well, everything needs to have a first time. 

Jinyoung doesn’t take much time to get dressed.  
When he finishes, we hop onto the car. 

 

It’s not long before Christmas Eve, so the streets in LA are beautifully decorated with lights. Jinyoung is so excited at the sight.  
Especially in some tourist attractions areas, the lights are fashionably set up.  
I hold his hand since I don’t want him to get lost. 

 

Jinyoung smiles brightly, capturing some pictures with his phone.  
We walk around, sightseeing, buying some snacks and warm drinks.  
When we are in front of some jewelry shops, I drag him into one of the shop. He looks at me, puzzled. 

I bring us into a ring shop. 

“Give me your hand.” I said, reaching for his left hand and placing it onto the counter. 

 

“A couple ring, simple ones, please.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widen at my order. 

“Mark!”

 

“Yes, sir. Here is some new designs here, latest ones. Do you like any of it?” The staff smiles at us friendly.  
She puts some samples on the countr for us to choose.  
Jinyoung keeps shaking his head saying he doesn’t want this. 

But I didn’t mind his refuse, didn’t even ask for his comment. I want to buy him this. He just has to wear it. 

 

I choose the design, one with a thin line engraved onto the silver ring with blue diamonds decorated.  
The staff hands me measurement rings. I try some onto Jinyoung to measure his size. 

“Stay still. Don’t piss me off.” I fake a deep, angry voice and he immediately stops squirming. 

When we’re done, I pay and walk out of the shop.  
Jinyoung remains silent. 

I haven’t given him the ring yet. 

We drive to a park and get down for a walk. 

 

The weather is good, it’s cold in the winter but the sun is warm and refreshing.  
Jinyoung bites his lips, seems like he has something to say but when I didn’t start any conversation between us, he doesn’t initiate one. 

He relaxes when the view of people smiling, picnicking with their family, kids and loved ones come into sight.  
The atmosphere is bright and happy. 

 

We walk around and then find a place to sit down onto the grass.  
I lay my head on Jinyoung’s lap. He’s patting my head, playing with my hair.  
We look at the flowing tide along the river. 

 

“This place reminds me of Han river back in Korea, except that it’s wider than that.”  
Jinyoung said, gentle smiles appeared when he talks about home. 

“How is it there?”  
“It’s the place that Koreans often go on a date. It’s peaceful and not so crowded, not much difference from here.”  
“Ok. They maybe alike.” I said. Jinyoung chuckles, shutting his eyes and takes a deep breath, relaxing into the atmosphere. 

 

I sit up, letting my gaze drop onto the beautiful view that surrounds us. It’s really is a good place.  
Turning to Jinyoung, I lean in to kiss him gently onthe lips.  
Jinyoung responses to the touch familiarly. 

We press in closer to each other, sharing a long gentle kiss before I break the contact first. 

Jinyoung looks at me, glancing at my facewith the eyes that I can’t guess what’s in his mind.  
But this is the right time, the relaxing atmosphere between us makes me grab the chance.  
It’s now or never. It’s a risky move. 

 

“Jinyoung. Would you stay with me?”  
I hold up the couple rings. 

“Not good at surprises, aren’t you?” He said.  
“Well, it’s something you have to try on so it’s fit. It’s not something that you should buy twice, isn’t it?” I answer. Jinyoung smiles at me, his eyes reflect confusion and millions of thoughts. 

Not long before he leans in to hug me. 

 

“Is this mean yes?” I ask and he backs off to slowly shake his head. 

“Mark...I’m not ready yet. I’m sorry.” He whispers.  
If he stands up and walks away, I know my heart would be shattered into pieces. 

But he’s not doing any of that, he holds me, wraps me up against his warmth tightly. 

I don’t understand him at all.  
Don’t know what to do. 

 

It’s hard...for both of us. 

I wrap my arms around him.  
We both hug each other tight. 

At least it’s not a no, he just wants some time.  
It’s not a ‘no’, not ‘never’. 

 

“It’s OK. Jinyoung.”  
…

 

..

You’re so cruel, Jinyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.


	14. Possessive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus. I really was very busy this year. Can I just blame all of my studyings and extra-curriculum activities? //Nope, I can’t.  
> I’m really sorry. Please forgive me. TT
> 
> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Jinyoung’s POV]

It’s the last week. 

So strange that I feel like time flies. I don’t even have time to sort out or plan for the life after the contract has due.  
But it’s the last week now.

 

Mark isn’t home yet.  
I stay in the house, doing nothing like every day.  
Having so much time, I have to think of what will I do next. 

By the way, Mark has proposed again. 

This time, he did it properly, more serious than the last time he blurted out when he’s drunk.  
But marriage is a big decision, too big to agree just because I felt home in his arms.  
Or just because his gentle kisses. 

 

We don’t have much time. I understand why Mark rushed his decision.  
But for me, I can’t. I need some time to sort this out. 

It’s not just a fresh start.  
To me, it means I have to leave everything behind.

I haven’t got much, but I treasure what I had.

All my life, my family is always my first priority, they’re my whole world.

It’s impossible that Mark would move to Korea since he’s settled and he’s got his business here.  
That means it has to be me that would move in with him here.

 

Of course, I and my family won’t have to endure any hardships anymore, won’t have to struggle over our financial problems.  
But going back and forth to visit each other, signing all visas and documents would be too burdensome for us.

 

There would be distances between us.

 

How much do I love Mark? Is it enough for me to leave my family behind?  
How much time do I need to prove our feelings, that, I still don’t know.

 

If he can’t wait for me, then I’m willing to let him go.

 

I trust what he said about his own feelings. It’s myself that I don’t trust.  
I’m not even sure if we finally decided to stay together, then I find out that we don’t belong to each other, that I want to go.  
When that time comes, it’ll be harder for me to leave.

 

My decision to answer Mark that I’m not ready may be the most appropriate thing that I’ve said.  
Because I really am not ready.

Actually, I want to go home once. I miss them so much.  
There’s just a week until I’ll part my way with Mark, then I’ll consider about it.

 

I’m not going back to Korea, not right after the contract dued.  
Staying here, I’ll work and save up some money, enough for me to start up some business back at Korea.  
Or if I didn’t earn that much, then saving an amount up to invest in something until I could find a decent work would be good enough.

 

Of all the choices I could think of, they’re all ended in going back to Korea.

If I really do marry to Mark, would he ever let me go back home?

And if one day he’s bored of me, what would I do?

 

What if I leave LA, would I miss him even a bit?

What would it be like sleeping alone?  
What about waking up and cooking just for myself and no one else?

Because I haven’t been alone for so long, would I feel lonely?

 

Planning for what’s in the future gives me headaches. I need to stop now.  
It’s almost time that Mark will be back, so I step into the kitchen, preparing our dinner/

He’s always on time. It’s easy for me to prepare our meals.  
When he arrives, the table was always set, ready to be seated.

 

The door creaks as soon as I finish serving our dinner. Mark smiles at me and I step closer to him like always.

He pulls me into his arms, kisses on my cheek.  
My arms are rested on his back, nothing changes from yesterday.

Mark looks at the table, frowning.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, since he looks like he has something to say.  
“I’m really sorry. I forgot to tell you that I have a business dinner today. My customers are meeting up.”  
“Hey, that’s OK. I could just throw them away.”  
“Nope, put them in the fridge, just in case I’m hungry when I’m back.” He said and I nod in response, understand that he has his work to do.  
He needs to socialize with customers and dealers, gaining confidence and keeping his image.

I pack some food up after finish my own meal.  
Mark already went into shower.

 

“Help me pick some clothes, nice ones.” He asks when he’s out of shower.  
I frown, not understand why he has to dress up so formally since it’s just a dinner, not a proper meeting.

 

But I didn’t bother asking, picking a beige suit and a plain white shirt out, this would make him look gorgeous.  
Others accessories, watches and shoes are also prepared.

 

Mark dresses up, and just like I thought, he’s gorgeous.  
He wears his usual perfume, hair in its place, he looks more like a model than just a businessman.

 

“I’ll be back late.”  
“Ah. Hope it go well.” I say. Mark nods and places a kiss onto my temple, turning away.

He looks like he’s in a good mood.  
I sent him away with my eyes, a strange feeling wells up in my heart and I don’t know how to describe it.  
Why did he look so happy just going out for a business dinner?

 

I shake my thoughts off and just go back into the house, finished my daily routine.  
Reading on the couch, waiting for him to come back. I already finish a book and he’s still not back.

I tried to go to sleep, but I really can’t, even if it’s almost 2 o’clock.

He should have been back now.

 

We didn’t talk to each other on phone, so I don’t have any contact of him.

Have he been drunk? Or maybe got into any accident?

I’m starting to worry now.

 

It’s not too long before I heard a car’s sound.

So he’s finally back.

 

I get up and run to the door.  
It opens up with his voice chatting to a fine lady next to him.

 

Mark’s startled when he sees me waiting for him.

“Jinyong, you’re still awake.” I nod at his words.  
“Who’s he?” She asks, a fine lady in a suit. She looks a bit older that Mark.  
Her lips are painted with bright red lipstick, a scarf around her neck. She looks elegant and beautiful in it.

 

“He’s a relative of mine.” I don’t know how to respond, so I just smile at her and she greets me back with a smile.

“I’m sorry to disturb you so late in the night.” She said.  
“It’s OK, this is Mark’s house anyway.” I replied.

 

Of course it’s OK, he’s free to take anyone in or do anything, it’s all to his likings.  
I didn’t look at Mark, not even once. Because of the tightness and heat that swells up in my chest.  
If I see him, surely I would be more pissed that I already am.

I shouldn’t be worried about him in the last hours.  
He’s having fun out there.

“I’m going to sleep. Excuse me.” I told them, heading towards bedroom and shut myself off, letting them have their own time. 

The sound of tea cups clacking together, laughs and chats are ringing through the house.  
Mark took off his suit, casually left it hanging on the chair he’s sitting opposite to that lady. 

She looks beautiful. They look like a couple.  
Even the conversation seems so friendly, it’s business but the flow is too good to be like one. 

 

A car has arrived. Mark walk to the door to send her off. P  
She tiptoed and placed a kiss onto Mark’s cheek, smiling while saying good night.  
Mark closes the door behind her. 

He’s smiling while coming back into the house, looked pleased and at ease.  
Of course, this is why he dressed up so well in the evening. 

 

I turn away and curl into the blanket, heart wrenching strangely. 

The mattress sinks when Mark comes up onto the bed.  
I try to back away when he wraps his arms around me like usual. 

 

“What happened? Why are you like this?” He asks, whispering so softly like he hasn’t done anything.  
He lifts off the blanket so our eyes finally meet. 

He still got her lipstick mark on his cheek. 

I turn away, didn’t try to conceal that I’m pissed. 

 

And he asked me to marry him.  
Then he went out to some ladies, even bring one back here, lying to her that I’m a relative, letting her leave a mark kn his face. 

…  
Does he look reliable?

“Hey, are you angry of me?” He whispered, getting closer to kiss me on the cheek.  
But I turn him down, staying silent since I know I’m in no place to say anything about it. 

If I say it, I would look like a fool. 

I should understand his work.  
I shouldn’t even feel like this. 

Of course, my brain knows, but my heart doesn’t. 

 

“Are you pissed because I invited her in?” He asked. I turned sharply to face him. He asked me sincerely, not in any angry or teasing tone.  
That sweeps me off my guard even more, don’t understand of myself why I am like this. 

And it may become worse if I don’t admit it.  
Worst if I try to lie, it would make me no difference than an unreasonable person. 

 

“I’m not pissed. I just felt uneasy.” I explained. He raises his eyebrow in questioning gesture, staying silence. 

I sit up, so he follows. A faint smile paints on his face happily. 

“What are you smiling for?” I snarl. While I’m so pissed of, whole he just plays me like this, he’s here smiling, satisfied with me throwing tantrum. 

“Nothing. Weeks ago, I slept with another woman and you didn’t even protested.  
Now I just invited her for a cup of tea and you’re getting angry.” He exclaims. My eyes widen at his statement. 

…

“I’m not getting angry.”

“Then how do you feel? Tell me, Jinyoung.”  
He sits closer to me, arms reaching for me but I back off. 

“Don’t want to.” I push him off by his chest. Mark laughs and nods in acknowledgment, but still pulls me into his arms. 

“What’s more?”

…

“Don’t wanna talk to you.” I continue, and Mark chuckles like he likes that answer so much.  
“What else?”  
“What work are you two dealing so late at night? Just two people?  
Why do you have to bring her here? Why letting her kiss you goodbye?” I blurt out. 

The more Mark’s smile widens, the more I’m so pissed off.  
So I push him off and hit him once on the arm. 

“I’m serious! What the hell are you smiling at?”  
He asked me, then laugh at my answers. 

Isn’t it rude?

…

“So you’re pissed, right?”  
“Yes!”

“You hate that woman, right?”  
“Yes!”

“You’re angry at me, right?”  
“Yes!”

…  
I nod to my words, still angry with him.  
Mark sighs, looking at me while he’s still smiling so happily. 

“You’re getting possessive of me.”

…  
..

Possessive. 

…  
That, I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never been like this. 

I sit still, in shock. 

“Am I right? Huh?”  
“I don’t know.”

“Never mind.  
But she’s really beautiful, right? She’s also great to deal with, just a few years older than me. Older women are charming, aren’t they?  
They’re mature and polite.”  
“If you like her that much, then just propose.” I snap, heart aching to the point that tears are welling up in my eyes. 

Now Mark burst out laughing. 

 

“Just kidding. Hey, are you crying?”  
…  
“Nope.”

I just can’t control it. 

I brush them off while Mark pulls me in against his chest. 

“I’m just joking, we were talking about business only, nothing else, ok?” He whispers. I stay still in his arms, knowing I’m in no place to speak to him like that but I just lose all of self-control. 

 

“Ah.” I don’t know what to say. Am I really getting possessive of him?  
Well, controlling my own emotions has become so hard. 

 

“I’m sorry. I…”

“It’s okay. I’m so happy that you’re jealous over me.”  
…  
..

 

“You’ve started loving me, is that right?”

 

Is it the same thing? Love and jealousy?  
I don’t know. All I could do is letting myself drifted into his warmth.  
When I’ve calmed down, there are feelings that I can figure out. One of them is that I miss his hug so much.  
Hugging him back tightly, I stay silence since I can’t just tell him that I love him. 

“I don’t know.  
…  
..  
I’m just jealous of her.”

 

 

[Mark’s POV]

‘I don’t know...I’m just jealous of her.’

I froze when he finished his sentence, a big smile still on my face. 

He is jealous. He’s getting possessive of me. 

 

I tighten my arms to let him know I’m here and nowhere else, voice reassuring as I try to console him.  
“There’s really nothing going on. It’s just work. That’s all.”

That woman, she is an investor, so I need to keep her in contact and make her trust in our business.  
Dealing business with the opposite sex is easier, but then there comes the exchange. 

Making friends is the way it should be, but you have to keep your manners and make your conversations seem comfortable to join.  
Flirting is almost prohibited since it would look unprofessional. 

I just have to dress up, be polite, be friendly but not too much.  
Bringing her here to have a cup to tea is by her request and it’s a common thing that can happened since we have already known each other and her hotel is on the way from here.  
Her coming here is just for waiting for the hotel taxi to pick her up. 

 

And that peck on the cheek, it is normal thing in Western culture.  
It is something I’m so used to, that I didn’t think would worry my Jinyoung so much. 

 

But I’m glad he starts feeling anything towards me.  
There was once, not so long ago, that I almost had sex with another woman just centimeters besides him and he’s not even budge. 

I strongly hope there will be a day that he would forgive me and stay with me forever. 

 

Jinyoung hugs me so tight like he’s afraid that I’ll walk away.  
And I hugs him back, feeling so happy.  
There is a glimpse of hope that he actually falls in love with me. 

 

Or actually he already is a long time ago.  
But he’s not saying it. 

 

It’s ok though. I can wait until he admits it.  
This is a glimpse of hope that gives me enough strength to wait forever.  
Though I guess the wait won’t be that long.

 

Jinyoung’s cheeks are red. Jealousy may cause him that.  
I can’t help but think he’s too cute, at the same time feels sorry. I didn’t want him to feel bad and hate it when the reason is me.

 

“Hey, it’s OK.” I whispered while bringing Jinyoung’s hand up to my necklace where there are two rings.

“She asked me about these and I clearly told her this is our wedding rings, that I’m waiting for the love of my life to say yes. It’ll always be here until you’re ready. I promise.”

 

I knew what jealousy is and had experienced it, so I kind of understand what he feels right now.  
Moreover, this is new to Jinyoung, everything about this, about ‘us’.  
I want him to realize that I understand him and I am loyal. There is no reason to get angry back at Jinyoung at all.

 

Jinyoung’s eyes meet mine. His hand gently caresses the rings.

 

“Okay? Hmm?” I asked.

 

Jinyoung looks like he’s thinking, wandering back in his own mind.  
Believe me, that face is so cute, unbearably cute.

 

“If all the explanations is not enough, you’ll just have to …”  
I know it because, actually, I’m also not the type that would even listen to explanations.

 

“What?”  
He shot me a totally dumb face and I love his innocence and honesty so much.

 

“Claiming me as yours. Remind me. Kind of like a punishment if you would say.” Whispered in low voice.

I lean back against the headboard, Jinyoung straddled on my thighs.  
Pulling his hand to my face at the same spot where I have just been pecked.  
Jinyoung bites his own lips, only mere seconds then he leans in, his soft lips press down at that same spot. Pressing down hard and a little bite like he’s warning me not to do this again.

 

I feel blood heating through my veins but hold it down.  
Since I’m not supposed to take control today.

Jinyoung’s butterfly kisses trace all over my face until he reaches my lips.  
That’s when I can’t resist the urge to kiss him back and we both were drawn in to each other, passionately.  
While our lips didn’t part, his hands track up my tie and unbutton the shirt.  
It’s messy but so hot, so ravishing.

 

I really want to flip him down but I just have to keep it in.  
Can’t help but smile while Jinyoung traces his kisses down unto my neck.  
Bites. Marks. He does it all as if he wants to say that I’m his.

 

“Jinyoung…”  
…  
It’s becoming harder and harder to keep my own groaning down.  
He strips me off my shirt while I stay still, haven’t touched him at all.  
Today, I have given up all controls to Jinyoung. I’m completely in his hands, at his mercy.

Actually, I also wanted to know if the gentle Jinyoung could show any dark sides of him.

Jinyoung backs off, only to pull off his own T-shirt.  
I have to bite back the urge to take control again and again.  
How can I not want to? He’s so beautiful, too beautiful.

 

He then stands up just to strip himself naked.  
I cross my arms, in order not to reach out and touch him and to tease him a little bit more.

He frowns, probably not what he expected when I seem so calm when normally I am the one who initiate this kind of things.

 

But his ego would have told him not to beg me of it.

Instead, he has other hundred ways to make me.

Like, reaching down to my crotch and start stripping me off as well.  
He does it intentionally, not being slow or just teasing.

 

Then his arms circle around me, straddling onto my passion.  
Leaning in closer and closer, closing any space between us.  
Kissing and nipping down all along my neck and shoulders.

He doesn’t have to do much to make me fall into his hands anyway.

 

“You’re cheating.” I cried, voice shaky, at the end of my patience.  
And when it snaps, it only took seconds before I flip him down, prep and then fulfill our passion.

 

Jinyoung moans in response to the sudden entrance.  
I lay down to give him a kiss, can’t resist the urge to move my hip.

It’s not vanilla-gentle but also not violence.  
It’s passionate, loving and it happens with Jinyoung alone.

Jinyoung moans, his hands grab at the mattress.  
He grasps when I push in closer.

 

“A..Ah...Mark.” Jinyoung cries out, his breaths becoming breathless.  
I held his member into my palm, giving him my all.

 

“You know I’m yours, right?” I whisper into his ear while this all happens.  
Jinyoung writhes from the overwhelming pleasure, physically and mentally.

“S..Say it again..Please”

I can’t help but smile. Knowing my word has such effect on him makes me so happy.

 

“I’m yours.” In raspy voice, I whispered.  
“Ah..Mark. Mark…” He moans, and then let himself loose into the highest point of pleasure.

 

But I didn’t continue, even though I didn’t reach the point.

Jinyoung pants, but I know he still has some energy left.  
So I pull him up and take us both to the couch.

 

Sitting down, I look up to him, still standing there.  
He blushes, probably don’t know what to do, or just too shy.

So I reach out my hand and he grabs it.  
Pulling him closer slowly, I put my arms around him.  
Settling him onto me, slowly, gently, until all is done.

I’ll admit it’s very hard to pretend to be calm at this unbearably heat.  
But I really want this slow-burn.

Jinyoung closes his eyes, trying to catch his breath.

 

“Say that I’m yours.”

“Mark…”

“Believe me, you’ll be relieved by that.” I look at him, eyes glowing and reflecting my own reflection.

“Y..You’re mine.” He mumbles out at last, sounding so shy, no confidence.

My lips curl up into a smile.  
“Now then, you just have to …” I caress his thigh, urging him to sit up.

Jinyoung narrows his eyes because of this new position.  
He then shut his eyes and his back arches into a beautiful curve.

It’s also torturing me, this is too much.  
Too much of Jinyoung, too intoxicating.

 

“Say it again.” In raspy voice I said while slowly lean in, butterfly kisses his neck, pressing down onto Jinyoung’s alluring body.

“You’re mine” He says, the corner of his lips seems to curl up a it even though his eyes are still close.

“That’s it, Jinyoung.”

…

I then return the control to Jinyoung, letting him move by himself, handing myself back into his mercy.  
The pace starts slow, then faster and deeper as it heats up.

 

We kiss again and again.  
I sense he is near. Only then that I thrust up, drawing Jinyoung near ecstasy.

“Jinyoung. Say that again.”

“You’r...re mine.” Mixed moans and words come out from his mouth.  
He gaze at me, only making us picking up the pace more and more.

“Ah..Mark...Mark…” He pants.  
“You’re mine…” Jinyoung’s voice sounds so desperate, that he really wants me as his own, and only his.  
That’s what I really felt.

I thrust up to give him what he wants.  
While he responses.

“You’re mine only.” 

He finally whispers the last word before we both come undone.

 

Our moans echo in the room.  
Jinyoung’s body let loose and he just fall into my shoulder, and he kiss me there, plus some light bites.

I just chuckle at his cuteness, turning to peck him.  
Of course, I know he must be tired, but he’s really cute, too cute that I cannot resist the urge.

“Are you still ok?” I ask, we still haven’t let go off each other’s inside.  
Jinyoung feels it, the heat inside us both and he just moans.

“Ah..it’s okay.”

So I take the control back, switching our position and start moving again.  
Jinyoung is almost out of energy but he still responses in cries and moans.

How could I resist him?  
It should be illegal to be so cute.  
Even at this kind of moment, he still looks so beautiful, to the point it’s intoxicating and suffocating me.

…

Another peek passed by but I still want him so much.  
And I really can’t resist, even though Jinyoung is almost out of his energy.

Every time I want to continue, I would ask for Jinyoung’s compliance.  
And he always nods in agreement, no matter how tired he is.

 

…

“Ah...Mark...Mark.”

…

..

 

Sweet.  
His voice that calls for me, that is.

Who would not want to listen to this all night long?

…

..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.


	15. Parting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is second to the last chapter of their love story. :)
> 
> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Mark’s POV]

“Mark.”  
He calls me while we cuddle together. We stick together almost all the time now.  
When the day of parting is coming, I feel like I have to cherish every moment we have left.

“Hmm.” I answer, gazing down onto Jinyoung’s eyes below me.

“Tomorrow is the last day.”

…

 

“Just marry me then.” I say in a casual tone, but actually hopeful.  
Jinyoung’s eyes is filled with regret, sadness maybe.  
That makes me so sure that he loves me, so what are we waiting for?

 

He breaks eye contact, backing down into my hug, no answers.  
That makes me really worried.  
But I can’t do anything other than hugging him in tighter.

No more words are left to be said.

…

..

 

Sometimes, hope is a dangerous thing.  
When we become too full of hope, it’s no different from climbing mountains.  
The higher we climb, more painful it becomes when we fell off.

 

I might misunderstand it all.  
When he gets jealous over me,  
When he holds me close and acts like he doesn’t ever want to let go,  
Maybe that’s just my assumption.

Today is our last day.  
6 weeks have already passed since we met.  
After we finished our breakfast like we usually did, Jinyoung just stands up and starts packing his belongings.  
He doesn’t even bother to ask about my feelings, not even meet my desperate eyes.

I sit with my arm crossed at the table.

Breakfast isn’t touched.

The thought that this is the last meal he would cook for me made it even harder.

 

My phone rings, it’s Jane, confirming the meeting time.

Jinyoung comes back and sits down at the table, his gaze dropping down to the floor escaping my eyes.

“Where are you going next?” I asked and Jinyoung replied after a long pause, with his head shaking.  
What does he mean by that, he doesn’t know or he doesn’t want to let me know, or either way?

 

Has he ever considered living here with me or does he really want to leave?  
So what does he means when he told me to it’s not the time, told me to wait and gave me hope.  
What does he want me to wait for? For him to walk away and never return?

 

My heart aches, burns with sadness mixed with anger.  
I am not really a well-tempered person, but more of a hothead.  
But since this may really be our last farewell, if it is the last time, I would want him to remember me as a good memory.  
Helplessly, I just stay silence then.

 

Turning away from him may help, since if I keep looking, I would not resist the urge to tie him down and not letting him go.

But even I want to do it so much, I really cannot see his tears ever again.  
It’s hard to control the anger but I would have to do it.

If just for a little bit, if he loves me, just a little, it would have been a lot easier.

 

Jinyoung stays silence as well.  
This morning passed by silently as we both don’t know what to talk about or even what to do. 

My heart feels empty. I’m not prepared for this parting, not like this, not when he seems doesn’t really care what I feel, not even asking about my thoughts, my feelings.

He just gets up and packs his things, getting ready to leave.

 

That makes the space between us becomes silence.  
We don’t look at each other, not talking.

 

It’s ok, I told myself.  
If he is willing to leave, if he will be happy doing so, then I would just let him.

 

 

Of course, he wouldn’t bother how I feels.

I just get into the car, Jinyoung behind me.  
And just drive to the Matchmaker office, where we first met.

Even though I wish we will never reach the destination, it is impossible.

 

I realize I don’t want anyone in his place.  
And also don’t want Jinyoung to sign any contract with other Match, how could I accept that?

“Are..you going to sign the contract with other Match?” I can’t help but ask, reaking this suffocating silence we had.  
If he says yes, now I really turn the car back and chain him at home.

“No. I will terminate the contract.”

“Ah..”

 

The conversation finishes.

Wouldn’t you like to know about me?  
What am I going to do next?

Or you really don’t care…

…  
..

 

Jinyoung turns his gaze out through the window.

Sighing, my heart drops down, aches, it’s like there is a empty hole there that is getting bigger and bigger and it hurts so much.

 

I really don’t know what to say, what to do.  
It’s like I already have done everything I could to correct my mistakes.  
He seems to open up to me more, but today all that I’ve got back is silence.

I must have imagined it, that he lowered his walls and let me into his heart.  
Of course, I must have.

…  
..

 

The car stops at the meeting point.

My throat dries.  
Any couple that is going to divorce would have felt this tension, right?

Jinyoung gets off the car first.  
I look at his back, walking towards the stair, not even waiting for me.

…  
..

 

Do you have to be that hurry?  
Do you really want to leave me that much?

It’s so strange.  
It hurts so bad, but I didn’t cry.

I thought he would stay with me, but when the reality strikes back at me like this.  
It’s like I have known all along that there are possibilities that he wouldn’t stay.

 

So I didn’t cry, more like suffocating.  
I really want to do many things, pull him into a hug, beg him not to go, but I didn’t do it.  
I cannot do anything that may be against his will.  
The risk is too big and the pain will be fatal.

If I love him less, to the point I could risk displeasing him, to the point that I care about myself more than this, even a bit, I may try to hold him back.

But I can’t.

So helpless, aren’t I?

 

..  
..  
.  
We walk up the stairs to Jane, not looking at each other.  
Jane don’t look surprised when she sees us like this, she might think I didn’t touch him because he’s a guy.

 

“So, how are you?”  
“We’re ok.”  
“And..what do you think about the agreement?”  
…  
...  
…  
..  
..  
“No. We’re not proceeding to marriage.”  
It’s Jinyoung that says his answer, his head is down, he seems hurt by his own decision.

“I want to terminate the contract. There will be no one that matches me, no one.”

If it’s not Jinyoung, then it’s no one.

Jane has me sign the cancellation and then lets me out, waiting for Jinyoung who still has some documents to clear.

So I come back down,  
Waiting for him cancelling his contract.

 

Around 20 minutes passed that I have nothing to do ut lean back to my car, eyes looking at the door. Until he’s out, sunlight shines upon his face, highlighting structures that I love so much.

He pauses when he sees me and then walk down the stairs and stops.  
The corner of his lips curl up a bit in attempt to smile, then he waves his hand, a symol of goodbye.

I cannot say a thing, only nod in response.  
All the flashbacks rush through my mind, to remind me of our time together.

 

My throat feels dried, thousands words circling in my brain but my body is too weak to say even a single word.  
The only thing I could do is looking at Jinyoung turning his back at me, step by step he gets further and further from me.

His steps isn’t rushed nor slow.  
It’s like his normal pace, almost like he doesn’t feel hurt at all.

 

Why is he so cruel?

My eyes are still on him. It’s my last chance to decide if I’m running after him, hold him back and beg, or just let him go.  
The only thing I know is I cannot take my eyes off him.

Not now.  
And maybe forever.

 

I really want to run to him but I’m too afraid of his answer.  
It will hurt like death if he really choose to let me go even after I did lay down all my pride and beg him.  
This feels like Dejavu when Mom left. That day I scream at the top of my lung, but she never turned back.

If I call him and he doesn’t even look back,  
My heart would be shattered.

So I can’t do a thing but stay silence and let go.

I can’t even move.

 

While walking, Jinyoung seems to lift his hand up to his face.  
Once. Twice. And more.

I stare at his action and he did it again and again.

…

If that is a glimpse of hope, then I’ll take it.

My heart races when I run to him.

Reaching for his wrist before he touches his own face again,  
I try to slow my breath since the running has raised the rhythm.  
But I just have to run to him, before it’s too late.

 

He jumps at the sudden contact, turning back swiftly since he didn’t expect this.

There...are tears falling from his eyes.

 

“Why do you cry? Hmm?”  
I really want to generate other word but my brain won’t let me, it’s too hard in this situation.

Jinyoung tries to get his wrist out of my hold but I won’t let go.  
So he just uses another hand to wipe his tears.

“I don’t know.”

…

 

“Can I ask where are you going?”

…

“I don’t know.”

 

“You don’t know...or you didn’t want me to know.”  
I try not to raise my voice at him. I’m going nuts here.

 

“I really don’t know. Maybe get a rent room around this area.” He answered.  
I raise my eyebrow at the unexpected response.

It’s like he doesn’t have his plan yet, but it seems like he doesn’t plan to go ack to Korea right away.

 

“We need to talk.”  
That’s all I can say before dragging him around the corner of the block, turning once to the nearest cafe.

 

Jinyoung shoots me his usual dumb face and that calms my anger a bit.  
We order some hot drinks since it’s December and it’s freezing here.

 

“You aren’t going back to Korea?” is the first question I asked.  
“Nah..” He shakes his head.

I just sigh at his short answer, no explanation. He really won’t tell me a thing about his plam.

“So...what are you going to do next?”

“May be...find a rent apartment. Apply for a job. Gather some money and then go back to Korea.”

My heart sways at his answer. He really doesn’t want me in his life.

But what can I do apart from accept the fact? So I just nod.

“Have you perhaps thought about marrying me? Even once?”

…

“Mark….”

 

I stay silence, no more words left to say.  
My eyes burn but I just turn away and look up, trying not to shed tears.

We both sit there in dead air.  
I thought there might be possibilities in happy ending, in ‘us’.  
But there really isn’t.

Hopes were built.  
And they were shattered.

Over and over again.

 

We step out from the door.  
I hand him his bags and turn my back at him.

This time...I really couldn’t handle watching him walk away from me anymore.

 

The only thing I want to remember is our good memory, his smiles.  
It’s a better last memory than the image of him drifting away from me little by little.

 

“Mark.” He calls, so I stop and turn back.  
Tears are seen along his cheeks, he tries to wipe them off but fix his stare at me.

 

“I cried...because I miss you.”

 

…

 

“Jinyoung.”

 

As dumb as he would always be.

 

He loves me, I’m sure by now.

So I step closer to him, my arms reach and pull him into a hug, tighten him closer.

“Let’s go home them. Stay with me. You don’t have to marry me to stay there.”

“You let me stay?” He asks and I can’t help but chuckle.

 

All you did, packing things and coming all the way here, is just because you think I won’t let you stay if you don’t agree to marry me now?  
So dumb, stupid Jinyoung.

 

I peck him on his head over and over.

“How could you be so dumb?”  
I hold him tight, the freezing air of December don’t have a chance at hurting us anymore.  
Since my heart melts at him being in my arms...and his arms is also around me as well.

 

Even though he don’t want to marry me.

 

 

[Jinyoung’s POV]

So we’re both back at home, Mark looks a thousand times happier than he was in the morning.

“Mark. But I want to find a job.” So that I can gather up some money.

“That’s up to you.”

And I’ve almost forgotten that I’m not staying here because of the Matchmaker’s contract anymore. So... will anything change?

…

“And I also want to pay a rent to you. I’m...supposed to do that, right?”

“That’s also up to you.”

“How much do you want then?”

“...”  
“5 dollars per month. With you doing the cooking and other routines as usual.”

…

That almost isn’t like paying any rent at all.  
And what is that condition? Does he still see me as a merchandise?

“Don’t make that face and don’t misunderstand. How could I resist having you around ut not able to kiss or hug you?”

…

“Or do you want me to invite other person?”

That sentence sent a shock through my body.

“No way!!” I’ve already shouted out before I have thought about it and that makes Mark laugh out loud.

“Then are we cool?”

“That means nothing changed but I can go to work and..I’ll have to pay a rent, right?”

“Yep.”

 

“So..I can come home late at night, and also can go sightseeing by myself?”

“Try it.”

…..  
…  
..

 

Oh. That means he is still very possessive of me.  
At least I could go to work.

 

“Anyway, thank you.”

“Do you want to go out to find a job? I’ll take you so you won’t have to walk around.”  
He asks, and I nods, happily I smile at him.

Mark also smiles brightly and he plays with my hair.

His hand is warm..and I feel..home.

 

He takes me around the area, and I got a job at a cafe just around the corner, the same one I’ve always been to.

Instead of going straight back to home, Mark takes me to a shop a little bit further away and bought me a bicycle.  
He said even if the cafe is near, but being a cashier means standing all day, a bicycle would help me get back home more comfortable.  
So I didn’t argue.

 

I’ve been given more freedom, not just being at his mercy, by the contract that almost made me be like a merchandise.  
We’re just living together, and having our own life.

 

We come home. I cook for us like every day.  
Unlike the gloomy breakfast, he eats his meal like he always did. But instead of sitting opposite of me, he moves his chair beside me.  
His leg entangles with mine under the table, something newlyweds would do.

But I am used to his contact, so I’m not feeling uneasy and just let him do it.  
We finish our dinner and Mark helps me do the dishes.  
Our daily routine continue to shower and bed.

 

He doesn’t leave me alone even a second. Almost like he’s afraid I would disappear.  
Wherever I went, he would follow.  
Right now, I’m on the floor, back against the couch, a hand around my shoulder and another on my thigh.

Like I’ve used to, I just lay my head against his shoulder.  
Today, it is a fresh start. The day that I’m not staying because any contract and Mark doesn’t have absolute control over me anymore.  
It feels strange, but a good strange.

 

We both know we are used to each other’s contact and are pleased by it.  
We both feels at peace when we hug, when we kiss.  
So we didn’t refrain from it.

 

When we go to bed, it’s as usual that I am in just bathrobe and Mark is like he always was.

Tomorrow is the first day of my work, so he didn’t do anything more than just hold me in his arms.

My hand reach to his necklace, where there are two rings there.

“Why don’t you say yes and marry me?” He whispered, half awake half asleep.

“If I did, I’ll have to stay here forever, won’t I?”

….

There’s no response from Mark.

 

“I can’t just leave my family.”

“But you can leave me, huh?”

He said, I guess he’s hurt because of my words, but he’s not angry, that, I’m sure.  
So I smile a bit and peck him at his chest.

“Not that I want to.”

I thought when we part ways, it will be over.  
But that thought, that I won’t have a chance to be surrounded by this warmth ever again, never kissed him ever again,  
Never seen his face every morning at the breakfast table while he’s enjoying the meal,  
Never have to wait for him coming home everyday,  
Never go out together on a date,  
The thought that there won’t be ‘us’ anymore,  
That thought..makes me feel lonely, like I was left alone in this world.

 

…

“I can’t move to Korea with you...I have a work here, a home I must take care of.”  
“Ah..I know.”

That’s exactly what I have thought.

 

“I can’t let you stay back in Korea, that’s because I can’t live without you.”

…

..

..

 

“But I can take you back there, for a vacation. So that you could stay with your family for a while. Tell me, and I will go with you, go back to your home.  
A few weeks of stay is ok. Then we will have to come back.  
That..I can grant you.”

 

I smile brightly at his kindness.  
That’s no difference from my life before I came here, I usually went back home only once a year or so.

 

…

“Thanks.”  
I whisper, reaching up to kiss him on his lips.  
We deepen the kiss, Mark’s hand is behind my neck, pushing us closer and not letting me go.  
I also trace my hands on his back, give myself into the scent and rhythm I’m so used to.  
The act of affection we both are so used to.

 

I also state that tomorrow is my first day of work, so there’s no more than kisses is allowed.  
But after all we’ve been through, we just can’t let go of each other.  
The kiss lasts very long, so long that it seems everlasting, to the point that if we did make love, the time it did take may equal to this kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.


	16. Let Me Hold Your Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Mark in this story is so tsundere and strangely, he is somewhat cute acting like that. This is the last chapter, so, thanks for the opportunity Kinc has given me and thanks for all the encouragement you all had given me.  
> I will publish the whole fiction on my ao3 after Kinc has posted the last chapter for a while, so that this beautiful story would be searched and read by many others.  
> I also plan an original special chapter written in English, with a permission to use Kinc’s character and universe, it will be published soon after.  
> Thank you again for the wonderful experience while working on this fiction. I enjoyed it very much.  
> Sincerely, Ray.
> 
> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Jinyoung’s POV]

“You’re up early.” I said to Mark who is now making his coffee next to me, preparing our breakfast.  
My work starts earlier than his, so we didn’t usually have time together much in the morning.  
But today is somewhat special since here he is.

“Want to have breakfast with you.” He said, not looking towards me. I smile and just continue the cooking.  
Don’t know why but I’ve never felt tired of waking up and cooking for us, it has become my habit.

When I finished, I would usually take a shower, but today Mark’s followed.

“I also want to shower.” His sly smile appeared on his face and I blush at the idea.  
Well, actually not at the idea, but his smile did make my heart race.

 

We sit separately at the two ends of the tub. Of course, he did take some advantages of us being together like this, but he sure knows not to make me exhausted before I go to work.

 

Then we come out to get dressed, I put on casual clothes since the cafe didn’t have the exact uniform.  
They just give us the hat and apron, printed with the logo.

 

Oh, did I forget to mention that I also have to dress thoroughly since Mark wouldn’t let me out if there is any revealing clothes on my body.

 

“Are there anyone who try to chase after you?” Trust me, he ask me this same question everyday.

“And if there is?” And I also like to tease him.

“Quit the job. And then, may be find one that you can do it at home.”

“Ok, if only you can find another job that doesn’t have to go to dinner with beautiful ladies in five-star hotels.” I snap back at him.  
Mark laughs, he seems so content when I get jealous over him.

“Ok. I give up, You win this time.” He gives up so easily like that, his face full of smiles.

When we finish our meals, Mark puts our dishes into the dishwasher.  
He’s just bought it, given the reason that he doesn’t want me to get tired.  
Actually it doesn’t so much of a burden, but since he said so.

Mark walks me out to the front door, he now has just a towel over his waist.

“Hey. You forgot something.” He reminds me and I pretend to forget.  
Mark grips on my shoulder and pulls me in.  
He traces butterfly kisses down my eyes, cheeks then ended with a kiss on my lips that I kiss him back.

“How can I forget? Never.” I said when we back off, standing up a bit to kiss him back.  
His smile is now so bright that I can’t help but stare at it.

“Have a good day.”

“You too.”

“Call to wake me up, OK?” He says and I nod. It’s still two more hours until the usual time that he wakes up.  
He probably would go back to sleep.

 

Oh. Did I forget to tell you that I’ve also got a phone now? It’s great since I feel like I have my own life.  
I sometimes phone Shownu hyung and also chat to him since we didn’t have much time to meet up.  
And of course, I also got to talk to Jimin and my family.

I have weekends off.  
But Mark won’t let me go anywhere, since we are both working on weekdays so we usually spend weekends together.  
You could almost say we’re almost glued to each other.

I wear a warm coat today since the weather is getting cold, snowflakes are also falling when I ride my bicycle to work.

 

…  
…

“Good morning.” I greet the owner and some friends when I arrived, throwing on the apron and hat.  
When we’re ready, I flip the label to ‘open’ and we’re ready to go. My work is cashier here.

I try to remember the customers’ name and what they always order since it would probably make good impressions on them.  
This cafe is not very big and it’s not a franchise. Everything is homemade and so almost all the customers are regular ones, so it’s easy to recognise them and they are very nice.  
It is a very good place to work, not so tired and the budget is better than what I’ve got in Korea.

 

“Hi. Jinyoung.” Shownu hyung greets me when he opens the door and I smile back.

“Hi. What would you like to drink, sir?”

“Espresso will do.” He smiles.

“Having here or take away?”

“Here would be good.”

 

Shownu hyung comes here regularly, he would always ask a few questions and then go since there’s other customers waiting in line.

“Are you doing good?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Actually, it’s great.”

“How about Mark?”

“He’s also doing well. I’ll bring him to visit you when we have time.”

“Oh. Please come after New Year since I and Rose are going to New York since Christmas.”

“That’s great. You get a trip.”

“Are you not going anywhere for holiday? Or do you have to work?”

“No. I have days off but I don’t know if he would take me anywhere.”

 

His coffee is done so we finished our conversation since I’ve got customers.  
It’s not long until Shownu hyung walks out of the cafe.

 

Time flies each day I work here because there’s customers keep coming in. There’s no time for me to get bored.  
I realized the day almost ended when the bell rings again and the cafe is almost empty.

“Welcome. The cafe is still opened.” I greet the customer before turning back and see that it’s actually Mark.

He’s in a dark coat, walking in towards the cashier.

 

“What would you like to have, sir?”

“A wife. I’m here to take you home.” He says casually. I blush red instantly since I never thought he would be so bold.

I turn towards the owner who must have already heard every words.

“Oh. You can go home. It’s closing time and I guess there’s no more customer.”  
How could he be so on time, you think?

“Don’t forget you have days off on holiday, OK?” He says and I bow to him, Korean culture about bowing is engraved in me and it’s hard to break the habits.

The owner told me there will be special part-timer in holiday time.  
It’s a usual thing here to have some employees that wants to work in holidays. They would apply in advance so if regular employees want the day off then they would sustitute.  
It’s a great system since the employees can take holidays and the employers have other people to work in the shop. They are also regular extras in holidays so the owner doesn’t need to train them or anything since they were already familiar with the work.

“Where did you park?” I ask when we are out and I can’t see his car.

“I walk here.” He answers. I turn to him, confused. That’s when Mark reaches my bike and throw his legs across the seat.

“Come here.” He guides me to the back seat, so I smile.

Isn’t he cute?  
I’m so lucky he chose me.

I put my arms around his waist so I won’t fall off when Mark rides the bicycle hime.  
It’s snowing, so we’re both soaked in snow when we arrived.  
It’s cold, but having Mark to hug does help.

 

It’s not long until we’re at home. I realized Mark has already turned on the heater in advance.  
I almost freeze when I take my coat off, snows sticks on it.  
Mark is also very cold, he reaches for a blanket and throws it around his shoulder.  
Then walks towards me and open his arms.

Which I gladly walk into, we hug each other warm under the same blanket.

“Warm enough?”

“Yeah.” I tell him, smiling.

 

“I have a day off tomorrow.”

“Me also.”

 

“...”  
“On the bed now.” He drags me towards our bedroom, teasingly.  
I punch him lightly. Does he have any other things in his head apart from this?

“Hey!” I really want to scold him but that’s all I can muster out before we both laugh.

 

“So, do you want to go anywhere?” He asks but I shake my head since it’s holiday and the city must be crowded, better go when there’s fewer people.

“But I would like to decorate the house, put on some lights and may be light a fireplace...and if possible, perhaps a Christmas tree would be good.” I ask Mark, because all that I mentioned will need his approval.

“Your wish is my command. Of course, a Christmas tree would be ok. You could pick any size you want.”

 

“Really!? Then tomorrow, we could go get all of those and ...may be a Christmas present for each other?”

“Hmm? Present?”

“Yup.”

“Do we need to keep it a secret from each other then?”

“Yup.”

“Okay.” He smiles to me, placing his hand on my hair and rubs gently.

“Tomorrow is holiday...so, we could sleep late today, right?” He doesn’t wait for answers but picks me up and climbs over.

“I guess that’s right.”

 

…  
Well, I could practically give him anything. That’s the meaning of being a couple, isn’t it?

Mark takes in a look on me, his eyes filled with love and caring.

 

“How it’d be if you just have nothing on but a ribbon, like a present?” He lift his hand to his chin, acting like he’s thinking hard and I have to frown at his pervert imagination.

“Let’s buy ribbons tomorrow.” He makes a serious face. I can’t help but hit him on the shoulder.  
Mark smiles and then leans in to peck my cheek.  
Traces down to the lips and neck, the blanket that surrounds us falls down to the floor.

 

Mark didn’t strip me off since it’s too cold, but pulls up and down revealing the part he wants to taste on, closing our little spaces and then moves gently. I cry at those slow yet gentle movements.  
And responses, answers to his every movement, creating pleasure and warm feelings that surges up in both of our chests.

…

I try to understand him. We had more time on bed before I start working properly.  
And then he tries to withhold his own needs, though counting down for holidays desperately.

Now I can’t do anything but moans to his every actions.  
…  
Miles different from when we started this, now it’s pure love and pleasure. Mark didn’t force my, not once. We both kiss each other, give what the others need and take the moment granted.  
Until the storm of feelings peak and come to an end.

Mark then takes me to our bed.

 

“You blush red all over.” He whispers.  
After what just happened, why wouldn’t I?

And then he starts it all again, the cycle of pleasure, love and actions that portrays them.

….  
…

 

We’re both tired, lying lazily on the bed. I’m too out to cook, so Mark just ordered some pizza.  
When the delivery arrives, he wraps me up in the blanket, leaving just the eyes and nose.

Oh god, he’s too possessive of me and that’s cute.

 

Then I have to get up and shower, just me.

After I’ve finished, wearing the usual bathrobe out, we sit in front of the television, simple enjoy the meal and the moment together.

 

After we finish the meal, I sit on the sofa with Mark cuddled up in my lap.  
I couldn’t help but stare at his face, painted with bright smile while he’s enjoying his favourite movie.

With my hand playing his hair,  
It feels so right and feels like home, like I’m in the right place.

 

Just sitting here, together with Mark.  
I feels like...I don’t need anything else.  
I feels like this is my real happiness.

 

By that, I mean…

Everytime Mark lays in my lap,  
When we both watch the television together after all day long working,  
The moment when my fingers curl his hair and my eyes reflect the image of him smiling, that is, my happiness.  
It still feels too good to be real, too good that I want to stop the time or just making it happen every single day.

 

Long ago, I watch a movie called ‘The Green Mile’.  
The story refers to the afterlife as heaven, and that heaven is your happiest moment in life.

 

My afterlife…  
Even when I’m 60 or 70 years old,  
I would just come back here, when I’m 23,  
Sitting on this sofa, with Mark in my lap, watching his movie.  
…

I really am happy right now.

 

Leaning down, I gently peck his cheek. Mark looks up, smiling while picking my cheek.

“Falling in love with me, aren’t you?”

I smile and shake my head. Mark’s still smiling but nod his head, slightly pissed, turning back to the television.  
I did nothing more but caressing his hair.

And think about the present I would give him on Christmas Day.

 

…  
…

 

[Mark’s POV]

Jinyoung seems very excited today since we’re going to decorate the house into Christmas, so I told him not to cook today so we can have a meal outside.

Jinyoung’s cooking will always be special to me but I want him to relax a bit.  
So he doesn’t have to wake up early to cook.  
We could cuddle there, arguing who would get up to shower first.  
Even when we come to an agreement, no one let each other go anyway.

 

It’s almost noon before we could settle things and get out, so I stop for a meal.  
Letting Jinyoung choose the restaurant, he choose it for the most adorable reason like this one have a lovely color.

He is easily intrigued by the smallest thing.  
The small light bulb with orange lights, a big christmas tree, so big that it almost taller than me.  
And all the decorations, I let him pick it all.  
When we finish with decorations, then it’s drinks and snacks.

“Jinyoung.” I call him and he turns to look at me, brow raising in questioning.  
My hand raises a roll of red ribbon then put it in the shopping cart. He looks so startled and then slow turns deep red overall his face.  
I can’t help but grin at the reaction, following him along with the cart.

 

Because it’s holiday, I want to spoil him some more.  
Moreover, this is the first Christmas in years that I actually want to celebrate.  
And I believe it’s also Jinyoung’s first celebration in a long time too.

 

“Mark. Don’t forget that we would exchange present. So, meet here in an hour, OK?” He tells me.  
I nod, then step in and start picking present, it’s all the festive things. Oh, I have no idea what should I get for him.  
The first thing I pick is some bathrobes. Nowadays, he adopts my habits of wearing bathrobe to sleep.  
But what he’s wearing is mine, the size is too big on him. It’s great if I can give him his own, so I pick many types from thin to warmer types.

 

I bring them to the gift-wrapping counter.  
To be honest, I’m worried. I really don’t know if he’ll like them.  
And my solution?  
A bold person like me, of course, I would buy more than one thing, he must have something he likes.

Polaroid is my next pick since he seems to enjoy taking photos, and I can have his photo to keep.  
There’s also a lot of beautiful chocolate on sale, so I also get them.

Three things, there must be one that he likes, I hope.

 

Jinyoung walks towards me when he sees me waiting at the meeting point.  
He has only one red box in his hand.  
He peeks at my three boxes.

“Why more than one? Whose?”

“It’s all yours, you dump.” I answer when he throws a dumbfounded face at me.  
We go home and start decorate the house, from the lights around the house, both outside and inside, putting all other things on and to the last thing, decorating the Christmas tree.

Jinyoung pays attention to even the slightest detail, I’m the one who hand in things.

Then we set the table up.  
It’s snowing outside, a White Christmas this year.

 

Instead of turning on the usual light bulbs, we choose to turn on only the decorations, orange ones and white ones, and the golden light from the Christmas tree, our boxes of presents are neatly put under the Christmas tree.  
The fireplace radiates warmth into the room.

After we finish our dinner, I lay a mat next to the Christmas tree.  
Two glasses of wine is prepared with bites of chocolates.  
Christmas music is played from the stereo, breaking the silent.

 

It’s time for present, nearly midnight it is.

 

“You go first.” Jinyoung states.

I hand him one box at a time, the first one is the bathrobes.  
He opens it, smiling so bright that I’m relieved it’s the right choice.

“Is this all mine?”

“Yep.” I said, then hand him the polaroid one.

“Wow. Thanks.” He smiles wider. Jinyoung looks so happy that I can’t help but smile, feeling so great that I want to give him the whole world.

 

So that he would keep smiling like this.

 

“A first photo together, alright?” He asks and pays attention to the instructions.  
Our first photo is soon taken, our faces show the most beautiful smiles.

And the last, the chocolate boxes filled with Christmas tree-shape chocolates.

“This one looks silly...but it’s the only thing related to Christmas that I chose. Today is our first Christmas together, so I really want to give you something special related to it.”

“I love it.” He said, knowing I’m not totally confident with my choices of present.

 

“Your turn now.”

“OK. Close your eyes first.” He tells me. I nod and close my eyes, no peeking.

“You can open your eyes.” A red box is handed to me with Jinyoung’s both hands.  
“Just open it. You don’t need to unwrap.” He said, so I just open the lid.  
My hands freeze when I see what’s inside.  
It’s JInyoung’s hand, I mean, he just cut the box into a hold and then place his hand in there.

…

I look into Jinyoung’s eyes and he looks back, smiling to me which some meaning hidden behind this smile.

And when I look closer at the hand inside the box, I realize that it’s his left hand...

My heart races, I dare not to ask.  
But let the action explained, slowly I reach my own necklace and bring the rings out.

Jinyoung is smiling all along, no question asked and not stopping my action.  
My heart skips a beat, my hands are trembling uncontrollably.

 

I reach for his hand in the present box, wearing the ring onto Jinyoung’s ring finger.

 

“Is this...your present?” I ask, unsure of what to do. My voice is shaking.  
Jinyoung smiles so bright. Tears are welling up in his eyes.  
He then pulls his hand out and open his left hand in front of me.  
I hand him the other ring.  
And Jinyoung reaches for my left hand, his hands is cold and also shaking.

He puts the ring on my ring finger.

My heart beats fast, filled with happiness.

 

“You still want to get married, right?” Jinyoung asks when I seems too startled, I cannot even say a word but quickly nod and he smiles back so beautiful that I almost fainted.

“I am, too.” He said, slowly reducing the distance between us.  
I pull him into my arms.

 

“Thank you so much, Jinyoung.

…

It’s the best present I’ve ever got.”

Too much feelings surge in my chest, I want to cry but no tear would come out.  
We stay together and do things married people do.  
But all along, I’ve been worried that he might actually left me one day.

But now, I’m sure that,  
In the next 30 or 40 years, I would wake up to the sight of Jinyoung here besides me every single day.

 

And that’s the only thing I’ll ever wish for in my whole life.  
To have and to hold, until death do us part.

I lean in and place a kiss on him, with Jinyoung kissing me back.  
The touch is filled with pure love, no lust or sexual desire involved.  
I really want to kiss him and hold him tight.  
A kiss is placed on our ring finger.  
Engulfed in the warmth of the moment all night long.

The official beginning of ‘us’ staying together forever.

…

…

“Mark, I didn’t really want to make it big, I mean, the marriage, all the white dresses and bouquets of flowers.  
I just want you to meet my parents, and maybe I should meet your family.  
Then, a small party, no fancy suits or church bell. Is this OK with you?”

“Can I ask you why?”

 

…  
“I don’t know but..we’ve been together for too long that all those things doesn’t matter more than what we shared.”

His black eyes shine in the dim light, galaxy of stars are there in those black orbs. They’re gentle and pure, the sight so beautiful that I don’t have any objection to his will.

“Of course it’s OK. Whatever you want is also mine.” I look into his eyes while giving my word.

 

We really did stay together for a while now and both of us really don’t have so much friends.  
He’s right, there’s really no need for a big celebration.  
We just need to sign the paper, so Jinyoung could legally stay here for his whole life.  
So that we could stay together forever.

I also didn’t value the wedding ceremony that much.  
I just want Jinyoung as my mate and now he is, we don’t really need the ceremony to state him as one.

 

“Can we just go sign the paper tomorrow?” I said. Jinyoung laughs but nods.

“Didn’t you have to tell your family?”

“Nope. Let’s just get married then told them after.” Of course, my dad will not totally agree with this but he can never stop me to.

“What about you?”

“I’ve already told them.” Jinyoung answers, knocking my eyes open wide.

“And what did they say?”

“They ask if I love you.” Even in this dim light, I could see him blushing.

My heart races.  
I just realize at this moment, that there is a very important word that we’ve never said out loud.  
I’ve never heard it from him, nor have I ever told him.  
Because I’ve never known when should one say it out, as I’ve never said the word ‘love’ to anybody.

 

“What did you tell them then?”

“I told them...that I love you, I love you so much.” He looks at me, those galaxy of stars in his eyes shine brighter than before, revealing all his feelings.

“So, did your parents say anything more?”

“They ask if you also love me.”

“And what is your answer?”

“...”  
“I told them, ‘may be’.” I should know how honest Jinyoung is and how I find it very adorable. I cup his face and look into his eyes. 

 

“Call them and tell them that…”

“I love you so much that I’ve never and will never love someone so much.” I look into his eyes, saying the word out loud.  
He smiles and nods. I pull him into hug again.

It’s warm, it’s peaceful, it’s loving and it’s a night I’ll never forget.

.  
..

We decide to lay down on the floor next to the Christmas tree for the night, the fireplace is out.  
Jinyoung’s head is rested on my arm, wearing the new bathrobe that I just give him.

We look up at the lights around the house and the decorations on the Christmas tree.

Jinyoung in my arm.

 

“I’m so happy.”  
“Me too.”

 

…  
..

 

Actually, everyone must have the struggle of our own life, and we fight it off just so we can find peace in our own life.

I’ve never dreamt, nor do I dare hope that I can find that peace like this.

I just want someone in my arms through the night.  
Someone who would wait for me when I’m back from work.  
Someone who would share my burden.

That someone who I want to have meals with everyday.  
That someone who I want to sit besides when I watch TV or movies.  
That someone who I want to hold him tight every single day.

The one who I want to wake up to the image of him and sleep while he’s in my arm.

I’ve never thought I would receive any love since Mom had left me.  
Until Jinyoung steps into my life,  
That’s when I realize I could not just stay in the past.  
Or else, I could never cherish present and have no chance to look forward to the future.

And when the person in front of me is priceless,  
It’s easy to get past the pain and learn to love again, so that I could cherish him everyday in our life.

 

When we make the marriage legal, I’m still worried that I am not good enough, that I don’t deserve him.  
There must be a day we fight, it’s a hazard of not being alone, isn’t it?

The only thing I ask from Jinyoung when we sign the paper, is that he forgives me if I’ve done anything wrong, or will do.  
If I’ve ever hurt him again, intentionally or not, I want him to remember that I’ve never stopped loving him.  
I beg him to give me a chance.  
Because I know that my effort alone cannot keep the relationship,  
It has to be both of us trying.

 

I don’t know if it’ll become more difficult.  
Staying together after this, I mean, but the next day is still the same as ever.

A kiss before we go to work.  
A peaceful morning and simple breakfast.  
A heated moment every once in a while.

I sometimes go pick him up after work.

 

And of course, we cuddle almost all the time.  
My head is on his lap when we watch TV.  
We kiss whenever there is a chance.

We didn’t change.  
There’s more, but never less.

Until I’m so sure,  
About the word ‘forever’ that many said it didn’t exist.  
It’s all up to us.

 

Mark and Jinyoung.  
Forever.

..

..

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.


	17. Special - 'Til Death Do Us Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once asked Kinc if it’s OK if I write another special chapter based on her developed character, since I really want to express what happened aftermath. With Kinc agreement, I’m now presenting you all with the special chapter of #LetMeMJ
> 
> Thank you Kinc for this amazing fiction. Translating the whole story has given me a wonderful experience. I’m just an amateur, so I’m glad you trust me with this task.  
> Thank you for being patience with me all this time. I can’t be more grateful to all of your feedbacks.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Ray
> 
> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.

[Mark’s POV]

Leaves fall.

I hold Jinyoung’s hand tight when we both stare at Shownu’s back slowly standing up from the ground, dressed in all-black.

He turns around and walks towards us.  
Leaving a white rose in front of the grey gravestone that stands in the middle of blowing wind and falling leaves. 

\---

It has been almost two years since we start our relationship as a real couple.  
Because Jinyoung needs legal approval of staying in the states, so we did get married, legally.

Legally.

But we didn’t celebrate, no wedding ceremony was held.  
No flowers and church bell. No vows.

We discussed and finally concluded that we don’t need it.  
For me, I don’t have to held the ceremony for the family or anything, like they would care anyway.  
In Jinyoung’s case, he simply gave his reasons that he didn’t mind the ceremony.

‘The church, the vows, they didn’t mean anything to me. The only thing that matters and symbolize the start of ‘us’ is you here besides me and that’s more than enough.’ 

He said to me in the morning after Christmas Day, the first day when we both wore our couple rings.

Anyway, we both did celebrate when we went to tell Shownu and Rose about the good news. Then we both went back to Jinyoung’s home in Korea, meeting his family and greet his parents.

Then we live together, as a couple.  
Happiness, sadness, laughters and tears, we shared those things throughout the year.

He showed not a glimpse of thought of leaving me.  
And I’ve never really thought about it.

 

Until today.

\---

In the middle of autumn when leaves turn orange and falls to the ground, Rose passed away.

I and Jinyoung come to her funeral.

People have left, only Jinyoung, Shownu and me are still here.

“So what are you going to do next, Shownu hyung?”

Jinyoung asked out of concern since he has choices either going back to Korea, his hometown, or staying here where he’s settled down years ago.

Shownu didn’t cry at the funeral. He just stares at the gravestone, where underneath lies his wife.

A wife which we all know he met through the Matchmaker service.  
Which he himself said he didn’t choose to stay with her out of love, but because life has brought him here.

A wife which I know she loves Shownu dearly.  
Her eyes reflect everything like an open book and I can clearly see it.

“Rose left her will. She said she gave her estate to me and if I want, I can continue her restaurant business.”  
“Actually...I’m considering if I should go back home”

\---

On the way home I really can’t help but think about Shownu’s and Rose’s relationship.  
There was a time when I talked to Shownu about this.

‘Do you think you can find true love with Matchmaker service?’

It was me who raised the topic about a year ago when I accidentally met him.

‘Maybe yes, but mostly for people like me who signed up because of financial problem, no, we won’t expect anything like that.’

‘Moreover, most people won’t be so lucky as I am. I’m able to meet a person who takes good care of me and for me, Rose is a good lady. She’s calm, kind and thoughtful.’

‘But you don’t love her, right?’

‘I don’t think so. It’s more like I respect her a lot. but I don’t think it’s love.’

‘She loves you, you know?’

‘Yes, I do. Sometimes I feel guilty about this. I know she loves me, dearly, but I really didn’t think I stay with her because of love. Like I said, she’s a good woman, but it’s more like I respect her.’  
‘Heart is a very strange thing, don’t you think?’  
‘Crap. I feel like a real bad guy. I don’t love her but still stay with her, married.’

And that conversation ended with our laughs, laughters to the bitter truth that sinks into me.

Staying together doesn’t mean love.  
The love which Matchmaker service can’t bring to you.

 

So, does Jinyoung really love me at all?

Though along these two years that we have stayed together, not a day that Jinyoung showed any signs of leaving me.  
But every time I think of Shownu’s conversation, I cannot help but afraid.  
He stayed with me, his body stayed with me,  
but his heart, may be not. 

 

Rose is always caring to Shownu since the first day they met.  
I hurt Jinyoung numerous times since our first minutes.

Rose is kind, gentle and understanding.  
I yelled at Jinyoung, forced him onto things he shouldn’t experience at all in life.

Rose loves Shownu, even though she also knows Shownu doesn’t stay with her out of love.  
Of course, I love Jinyoung with all my heart. 

But even Rose is that kind, that loving, yet Shownu doesn’t love her.  
Then who am I to think Jinyoung would love me, after all I’ve done to him, even though he said he forgave me for all of that.

You can call me a coward.  
Call me a fool.  
But I really cannot shake this thought off right now. 

I guess my bad childhood has left me the insecurities, a huge scar that will never healed. 

 

My worst fear of not being loved.

\---

Catastrophic thoughts have been surging through my mind a few days until I can’t bear it anymore.  
So I show up at Shownu’s house after work, the restaurant which the sign in front of the door hanged ‘closed’.

Shownu greets me after I ring the bell.

“Do you have a mood for a drink today?”

During this past year, sometimes I come here to talk to Shownu, now a friend.  
We did drink together sometimes, talking.

We pour some wine into our own glass and sit down.  
I can see small dark circles is building under Shownu’s eyes.

“How are you?” I asked.

“Fine. Adjusting. I’m not so used to being by myself for years.” He answered.

We both stare at our own drink, fingers trailing along the transparent glass empty-mindedly. The metal on my left ring finger sometimes taps on the glass, sending echo around the room.

Silence falls between us a few minutes until I decided to break the silence with the question that has been running through my mind for a few days.

“Do you think Jinyoung love me?”

Shownu suddenly looks up at me and raises his eyebrow, stunned.  
I just can’t help but pour all the chaotic thoughts in my brain out. 

“Do you think...he would like to go back home, like you do?”

Ended with the question I’m most curious about, Shownu stares into my eyes, probably taken aback by my little burst. I poured all my thoughts out, almost half an hour passed without I even know.

“You said..staying together doesn’t mean love.”  
“You said it yourself that Matchmaker service can’t bring you love.”

“Staying with me, perhaps he just don’t know what better to do.”

“Maybe he doesn’t love me.”

“Of course he doesn’t, who am I to deserve him, the me who hurt him since our first met. A hot tempered, good-for-nothing man.”  
“Rose is kind, caring, yet you don’t love her.”  
“Then what do I have for Jinyoung to love me at all.”

“If that is, then...maybe he’ll be happier if he go back home, right?”  
“If that is, then I’ll let him go.”

“I can’t stand it if he does it like you.”  
“I mean, staying with me, but his heart is somewhere else.”  
“I want him to be happy, not being trapped with me here.”

“If he will be happier, then I would..would let him go.”

.  
.  
.  
.  
.

“Who said a word about going anywhere?”

 

[Jinyoung’s POV]

I push the door apart, door bells rattling due to my harsh action but I could care less about it now.

My right hand puts down the phone that was besides my ear since I don’t need it anymore.  
Another phone on Shownu’s lap flashes light on the screen to show the line has been hanged up. 

I heard everything.

Thanks to Shownu hyung, he is bright enough to solve Mark’s problem the easiest way on earth, by confronting me, the one who is the cause of his worries. 

I swear Mark is the dumbest people on earth when it’s down to feelings kind of thing.

I don’t blame him.  
Bad childhood and lack of non-business relationship influenced him in bad ways for many years. 

Though I’ve grown up struggling, I still got a home, a loving family, surrounded by caring and warmth.  
In contrast, although Mark has everything in his reach, wealth and fame. He doesn’t have a real ‘family’ nor a ‘friend’. 

Insecurities, he sure has. 

I should realize that and I’m sorry that I haven’t noticed it earlier. 

.  
.

“Jinyoung, how could you…”

Mark groans, surprised. 

I shoot Shownu hyung an eye, signaling him, he then gets up retreating back into the kitchen, giving us some privacy and I thank him wordlessly. 

Now it’s down to already stunned Mark.

He sits there in the chair still in awe, staring at me.  
He must wonder what have I already overheard through the phone. 

I would said I heard enough to understand all his worries. 

After all I’ve been staying with him for almost two years and I thought my actions towards him is enough to show how much I love him. 

Yes, I love Mark. 

Our first impression may be far from good.  
Our first days was somewhat worse. 

But I didn’t judge him from that. 

The real Mark that I know is kind, loving, gentle and of course, the cutest dumb man I’ve ever known. 

He did hurt me.  
But he’s sorry.  
So I choose to forgive him. 

Of course, I hated him.  
But through months that we stayed together, that hate slowly faded.  
Then one day, without even realizing how it happened, I discovered the fact that I love him. 

But I was not the type who would say the word out loud every single day,  
I thought my actions is enough to display my feelings, but surely it’s not.  
I should know enough that Mark has no confidence about love, to the point that he won’t dare think I love him without me saying so. 

We didn’t hold wedding ceremony.  
No vows was said.  
I thought we don’t need it. 

But actually, wedding is not just for showing or for family and friends.  
I just come to know that it means a commitment, that you would like to share the rest of your life besides this person. 

I look at Mark, the right one I’m lucky enough to have found among this world filled with billions of people. 

The only one I would said these words to. 

“Mark, listen to me.”

“I, Park Jinyoung, …”

I walk up to him, grabbing his shoulder and leaning in until we both are not so far apart. 

“take you,Mark Tuan, to be my husband,”

Mark’s eyes widen at the sudden word, must have realized it’s the actual form of the vow people all around the world said when they’re about to mark the new beginning in their life. 

“.. to have and to hold, from this day forward,”

“for better, for worse,”

“for richer, for poorer,”

“in sickness and in health, ..”

I stare straight into his eyes, opening up all the sincerity in my heart. Mark once said I was an open book, all the feelings in me are displayed clearly on my eyes. So I hope this time too, he would trust what he sees in me. 

I love him.  
He who I love every perfection about him and cherish every flaws he has.  
He who I would like to be the last sight before I close my eyes every night and the first image I saw every morning.  
For days, for years and for the rest of my life. 

“until death do us part.”

“Silly, how could you doubt anything? I love you, idiot. I will never leave you.”

My arms circle around him, wrapping us into an embrace.  
It is always so warm, both on my body and inside my heart. 

“Mark, I’m just suggesting, if you also want to, how about a wedding?”

“I mean, not that I want to make it big and announce it for the world but it really has some special meanings and I want to go through the ceremony with you.”

“Only you.”

“A small ceremony, since I have no one else to invite, well, maybe Shownu hyung and if they also agree, perhaps my family, too.”  
“You might have guests you wanted to invite, so that depends on you.”

“Church bells, suits and flowers. It will sure be a memorable day for us.”

“Actually, even without it, I will still love you the same but I want to make it special for us.”

“Mark, will you marry me?”

I finish with a question, smiling to him with my usual gentle, comforting smile.

Nearly a minute passed until Mark snapped out of his stun, he reaches forward and pulls me into his arms, resting his head on my shoulder, mumbling.

“Oh god, Jinyoung.”

“I love you, honestly. I love you so much.”

I pat his head, trying to sooth his trembling body.

He loves me this much, considering what he have said he would sacrifice his own happiness for mine, willing to let me go even if he doesn’t want me to.

If anyone would define love like I do, then it’s this.

Putting someone else’s happiness before your own because that person’s happiness is yours too, even though you may not be together.

Fortunately, our love will end in a happily-ever-after way.

“Hey, silly, where’s my answer?”

Mark laughs and pulls back, grabbing my left hand up and stares at the ring we both wear for almost two years now.

“Yes.”

He leans down and place a very gentle kiss on the ring, leaving the small warmth that radiates through the atmosphere in the room.

“Don’t thank me for recording this later, you lovey-dovey.”

Shownu breaks the atmosphere. We turn to see him holding up the phone shooting it all probably since the beginning.

We laugh.

“And don’t forget to invite me, you idiots.”

Mark looks confused, 

“Didn’t you said you want to go back to Korea?”

“When did I say that? Stop imagining please, Mark. I have no relatives and nothing but a rusty home back there at Korea. Why do I have to go back?”

“Besides…”

“It actually feels like home here.”

“Well, it’ll be awkward for a while since the one who makes it feel like home to me has already be with god.”

It’s this moment that both I and Mark see the loneliness in his eyes.

Though he realized it or not,  
He does love Rose.

It may be different from the way most lovers has experienced.  
But it’s still love.

“But, well, I think staying here is not bad. I will continue her business and oh, Jinyoung, if you want to, and of course if you agree.”

He turns to Mark this time.

“Would you please help me run the restaurant?”

“Rose, she will be glad if this place continue to serve customers the way it has been, a place filled with smiles and warmth.”

I smile at him and nod in agreement.

Shownu then goes upstairs to give us some private space when Mark suddenly pulls me back until he’s back-hugging me.  
He nuzzles his face onto my shoulder, cuddling.

I smile and pat his head.

“Hey, you, stop it for a moment. Let’s go home.”

Mark hums, tightening his arms.

“Stay like this for five more minutes, I really need it now.”

My smile gets wider, slowly letting myself relax into the most comfortable place in the world, in Mark’s arms, I mean.

“Ok, you could stay like this as long as you want, we have so much time together.”

So much time indeed.

‘Til death do us part.

 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give your kudos and feedbacks on Twitter #LetMeMJ or @RayZircon.


End file.
